I could cry, we're going to move again and not back to the UK

[admylin]

Dh has just had a job officially offered to him and it's too good to turn down. It means moving agin and I just feel like crying

I daren't tell the dc, they had a really hard time of it with the last move and we've just got settled and got to know our way round. How can I break it to them? I am so sick of having to make new friends too - I used to be OK with moving but I don't feel up to it anymore. Ds is 9 and he's lived in 4 different places already.

Define "too good to turn down" - is it financially good, or rewarding for him, or a better lifestyle for all of you? You do sound very long-suffering and I don't think I would be nearly as tolerant.

If it helps, when I moved to the UK at 11 it was my 5th new country and I don't look back on my early childhood as having been difficult or unsettled at all. It didn't occur to me how hard it must have been for my mother until years afterwards.

Too good to turn down means slightly better financially and very much more rewarding for him and his career ladder - and I've accepted that he's not going to stop or be satisfied 'til he gets to the top.

The part that makes me want to cry most is that I and the dc really want to come back to the UK and I had sort of hoped that our next move would be in that direction and not just another city in Germany.

just say you're not moving!

Since whemn did his career trump your child's emotional development and wellbeing?

Can you pusuade him to carry looking for a UK based job in the meantime? Is it too far for him to do weekly commuting in the meantime?

simply a hug from me

I am with Hassled, up until I was 8 years old I had been to 5 different schools, lived in so many differnet towns and countries I don't remember half of them (dad was in the army) and I don't look back on it as being unsettled, or anything like that.

But if you are really not happy about another move, which you certainly don't sound like, put your foot down, you can not be expected to just pack up and move your family everytime he could gain an inch on the ladder, it is unfair.

Thanks, I'm trying to be calm now. Don't feel like crying atleast! I think we have to go and have a look at the place, it might be OK and we could go one weekend on the train. I promised the dc that next time we move they'll get a better room than now (they share at the moment) so dh will have to make sure that they do.

hi again
I really hope you find it better than where you are now

my two are in the basement

Oh admyin - huge sympathies. Can you come to a deal that you will do this move but then next one will be dicated by you and the children?

Yes, the next one will have to be the UK. If I refuse to move and make him stay here he'll just be a pain and be frustrated at work and a big baby like most of his species, women just get on with it and cope in the end! I suppose the school situation in berlin isn't that great so I just hope the next place is better.

maybe something else will come up,fingers crossed for you

wish you loads of luck

Thanks cinderella, I feel betetr tonight but I still can't bring myself to tell the dc. I have to start looking at the new town and trying to find nice areas then we'll have to go for a visit - should I break it to them after the visit as in 'It's nice here isn't it, how about we move here?' or before we visit.

hi

maybe during the trip

you would see the good points too
trying to see a postive here
I read how much you wanted to be back in England maybe you can have extra trips for the next year

Lol, I'm only considering this move because I've checked the local airport out for cheap flights!! Every school holiday - UK here we come, that's a good point to tell the dc. They are in bed now and I feel awful for not telling them yet but I'll wait a few more days I think so I can be convincing.

and if you have a birthday in the family you could have big joint birthday bashs

that looks silly I mean every has birthdays

I mean try and look at the bright side for the mo

at least your german must be a hundred times better than mine!

and you have no mil next door!

I think you are right not to tell the children yet. You need to know the positive aspects for you or you won't be able to sell it .
DH is forces and I wish we could live in an area we chose for a change, but there are always positives to find and knowing it is not forever helps. Having said that I burst into tears when DH came home with a potential move (not happening now) as we were struggling a bit with settling dd1 into school and I just thought NO I can't move her, so I do know how you feel .
The positives will make themselves clearer though the more research you do, fingers crossed. Good Luck.

just a thought and probbly not very productive ,,,,me and my dc have never been abroad and theres a boy in dcs school whos v well travelled and all the children are quite envious ....your children are building up lots of experiences with a fulfilled dad and a fab mum so although not being in u.k now is a bit of a blow theyre not suffering.

no job is too good to turn down.

4 big moves in 9 years is a lot.

I would dig my heels in tbh. he is effectivcely compromising your happiness for his career. at the very least I'd make him promise not to move again.

Could this move be one where you move back to the UK and your dh weekly commutes via cheap airline?

Califrau yes you're rght I do want to move but had UK in mind not another position in Germany - we're still coming to Texas in July but they can't offer enough dollars to make it doable and the subject of research is not as good as this other job. Surely Hannoverians can't be as bad as the Schwaben though can they?

I've thought about the weekly commutes to be honest if it isn''t nice and I don't like the place, dc don't settle in school I'll only be giving it a year but as you say windy, there are positive sides to it - schools in Berlin are rubbish so we can only improve on that front.

nothing is forever ,
and regular trips home and a secure family are very important

Cinderella you're right, dh has been a real pain, frustrated and bordering on depressed this past year. Not much fun for the dc so he might be abit nicer to live with if the job is right and get back into being sociable and join in abit more, I've been on the verge of leaving a couple of times over the past 12 months it's been so bad. Then I feel like an evil wife and know it's not his fault etc, I'm exhausted so I hope this news of a new and better position will change alot for us. They aren't reasons I can tell the dc though, I'm going to have to find better ones than 'daddy will feel better'! Found out this afternoon that Hannover has a really great zoo so that's one thing.