Moving back to the UK from sydney

[beingsunny]

So I've been in sydney for 13 years now, I have citizenship, a great job with good flexibility, I rent my apartment because despite my good salary it's unaffordable to buy in my area. I'm happy ish with that.

Since moving here (as a backpacker) I've married (the boy from my hometown I came here with) had a child (he's almost 10 now) got divorced about 6 years ago, and perhaps most significant left an abusive relationship about 4 months ago.

I have a longing to move home, I can't shake it. I'm in therapy, I'm generally quite happy, but I miss my family so much, the sadness of my son having no grandparents or cousins here has always been there but it's getting worse.

Am I insane for even thinking about moving back?

I've been away so long I don't think I can even imagine what it would be like.

I'm coming home for a 3.5 week visit in 8 weeks, it's all I can think about.

What is keeping you in Australia?

Enjoy your visit, but don't make any big decisions until after that. The UK has changed a lot in 13 years. But good luck whatever you decide.

I understand your desire. Wouldn't this be complicated by your sons dad?

The lifestyle, it's really great, We live by the beach, hence the outrageous rental/house prices, im 5km from the cbd so if we ever go back to the office im door to door in 30mins, after school is spent at the beach, or just across the road I n the park. My 9yo is safe enough to walk to school and back alone (Mumsnet seems to think this is dangerous and irresponsible in England)

I have a couple of close friends, who I love, plus my ex is here (sons dad) with his new (English) partner.

I feel like I don't really belong anywhere, I miss my family dreadfully, and I was hoping it would pass after leaving the bad relationship and I got back on my feet, but it hasn't.

@Mumdiva99 yes it would, it's a big decision, and we have always said if one of us really wanted to go home it was always on the table.

But yes it's not simple, his dad is an excellent father, we have almost 50/50 shared care so it's not as though he's an eow dad.

Would you take your son with you ? How will his dad feel about this, also how does your son feel about moving ?
His life will be totally different in the uk . Less time outside, less freedom and what about his friends and school life ?
The UK is not the same country you left 13 years ago, we left the UK 2 years ago and speaking to friends who have children the same age as mine, have so many worries regarding thier welfare and the standard of education in the uk.
Personally I would not move until your son finishes his education and is independent.

I moved back to the uk after ten years from Melbourne. I had a good life with lovely friends and a great house and job and all that jazz. However I always felt on the outside if things and you are never going to have that shared culture thing.

My Australian friends thought I was batshit and I was torn apart on MN if I dared say anything about being unhappy about living there as I should be constantly grateful. People tried to make me feel guilty for potentially wreaking my children's lives, particularly British people who live in other countries themselves. I found people used my circumstances to try and validate their own decision to stay.

Anyway, we moved back and I'm so glad we did. No amount of beaches can replace my family. Particularly my family loving and being involved in my children's lives. Our lives are the same as they are there. My dc go to school and do sports and have friends. It's the same.

It's the same apart from I'm happier which will obviously affect my dc.

@bert3400 I couldn't leave unless we all agreed to leave, I would never take my son from his father. But he is from my home town too, moving back was always on the table if one of us felt strongly enough.

I haven't talked to his dad about this yet, I am still trying to work through my feelings, make sure I'm not feeling this way as a short term emotion that I would come to regret.

We have great schools here, even the public ones because it's a wealthy area.

Easter will certainly be an opportunity to get a better handle on life there, obviously it's been 3 years (thanks covid and the Australian government) since I've been back.

What does your son think ?
Is there a place at your preferred school ?

Oh don’t come back, uk is awful houses expensive weather crap. I think what you are feeling is natural, my chum who moved to oz went through the same. Zoom makes it all a lot easier now. Good luck.

Personally I think you’ve lost your mind wanting to come back here! I’d kill to swap places with you. I can see how the family would be a pull but unless you have a lot of money, once you come back chances are you’ll never be able to go back to Oz to live again.

I would say that if you’re going to do it, you need to do it soon, before your son becomes a teenager and starts the important school age.

Well come have your holiday and see how you and your son feel.

England isn't all bad. So there would be some positives coming back. But....at 9/10 your son probably would need some wrap around childcare/holiday childcare ti enable you to work - unless you get a working from home job. The school he would go to would be the one with space...not necessarily your closest. Because you would need to move into the right catchment for secondary schools and you would need to be there before October to get first choice....(I am assuming your son is 9 going to he 10 before 31st August...so current school year 5. If he is younger then you have an additional year before that deadline.)

It must be so tough being so far from family. Is there any chance they can come stay with you for a while as well?

@SavoyCabbage thanks for sharing, because that's the thing, I do have a good life here. I love the weather, the outdoors etc. but I wish that my some had a big family, I grew up close with my huge extended family, having a big family who love you and want nothing but good for you feels more important than sunshine and beach days.

I'm worried I'm just romanticising it, I've never parented in England, when we have been back to visit, kids seem so organised activity based whereas here we just send them outside or take them to the beach where they make their own fun.

Go on the holiday and see how you feel after that. From mumsnet, it sounds like the Australian public education system is better than the UK one, and certainly the Australian health care system is better.

@Playingdevilsadvocate im a single parent, living in possibly one of the most expensive suburbs in australia, I earn the equivalent or £70k in the creative industry so yes, work is a huge factor. I do own an investment property so would have a decent house deposit.

I don't know, I can see that on paper it seems mental but it's people I miss.

@SelkieQualia yes the health system is good here but I do pay for it, I have private health and most things have a gap payment.

I just had dental surgery and my out of pocket was the same as my mum just paid for the same procedure in England.

So would the dad come back too, or would you be separating your DC from him?

@toomuchlaundry no, if his dad didn't agree to return as well we would have to stay, I couldn't seperate them.

On MN you always get a lot of people who have never lived abroad moaning about how awful England is, the "quality of life" is better abroad, blah blah blah, none of which are actually true, or not true for everyone. This thread can't tell you what to do but your reaction to it might confirm what your gut is telling you to do.

Grass is always greener. And I would never separate my child from his/her good (!) father. I know what you feel though. Same situation.

[quote beingsunny]@SelkieQualia yes the health system is good here but I do pay for it, I have private health and most things have a gap payment.

I just had dental surgery and my out of pocket was the same as my mum just paid for the same procedure in England.[/quote]
Yes, you have the private option in Australia. There seems to be less of that in the UK. And the Australian public health system is also better than the UK one.

Depends where you would live in the UK, OP. Having lived in Aus and the UK, I would say there are plus points to both. In fact, I have done stints in the UK more than once.

If you said London, I'd say no way but if it was a smaller city...

I would check your likely salary over there to see what your likely quality of life would be.

I came back for family and my quality of life here is good. But I probably could easily have stayed in the UK and have not written off another stint over there.

@silentpool not London, but Hertfordshire, so still pretty expensive. My sisters and parents and pretty much my whole extended family all still live in either the same town or a nearby village. So if I were to make the move I would aim to be close.

I just spoke to my exh on the phone regarding passports etc for the boy, he mentioned they have one of his friends over and are heading out to the pub.

I realised that half the problem is I don't have a lots of friends, I always found it harder to make friends as I got older, and especially when we came here, I was very shy, and exh didn't help in that respect. I feel very alone, it's Friday night and I'm at home again with nowhere to go. I'm in very regular contact with friends back in the uk, but maybe it would be the same there.