Moving back to the UK from sydney

[beingsunny]

So I've been in sydney for 13 years now, I have citizenship, a great job with good flexibility, I rent my apartment because despite my good salary it's unaffordable to buy in my area. I'm happy ish with that.

Since moving here (as a backpacker) I've married (the boy from my hometown I came here with) had a child (he's almost 10 now) got divorced about 6 years ago, and perhaps most significant left an abusive relationship about 4 months ago.

I have a longing to move home, I can't shake it. I'm in therapy, I'm generally quite happy, but I miss my family so much, the sadness of my son having no grandparents or cousins here has always been there but it's getting worse.

Am I insane for even thinking about moving back?

I've been away so long I don't think I can even imagine what it would be like.

I'm coming home for a 3.5 week visit in 8 weeks, it's all I can think about.

I moved out to Sydney when my first child was 2. We went temporarily, deliberately. Lived in Randwick, so access to the beach in the Eastern Suburbs etc etc

It was lovely and I’d have stayed longer, but I knew I couldn’t live there.

I always felt like an outsider, the shared culture thing was hard, and the British people that I met were different to me, they didn’t mind the lack of shared culture, particularly the humour.

The reason we didn’t emigrate, ultimately, was that I knew my daughter would grow up ‘Australian’ and I knew one day I’d want to come home. Then I’d be stuck, because I’d never leave her behind.

I think if you feel like this, you need to leave now, before you are similarly ‘stuck,’ because being ‘stuck’ will possibly make your feelings worse.

@StartupRepair this is brilliant advice, thank you

I'm in Sydney - potentially same area as you?
I'm in a different situation- moved here 3 years ago with partner and 8 year old and am planning/ have always planned to return to the UK.
I do know a lot of people in Sydney especially who struggle to make friends - it can be very cliquey and quite shallow. There are various groups such as meetup groups/swimming groups which help
What does your son think? it is a big move for him and tbh better now than later - Australian schools are behind UK schools so adjustment can be hard?
My son does pretty much the same here as he did in the UK tbh- we take him to activities after school or his friends go round to each others houses to play on screens/pokemon etc - no difference than i recall in UK
Sydney is expensive - and i moved from Surrey - health care is ok but private insurance costs a lot here as it does in uk. Housing costs are ridiculous
It is easy in many ways- the pace of life is slower than the uk- everywhere is smaller - like you my commute was a cinch- but sometimes it feels like I'm trapped -itc an all be a bit stepford wives.

BUT i know what life in the UK would be like - i lived and worked for years there and in same situation (family etc)- if you moved as a backpacker - do you know what life as a grown up is in the UK - or are you just comparing it to your life as a student/young adult or holiday maker?

@DorsVenabili thanks for your thoughts, I'm in the eastern suburbs, so a beautiful area to live.

I did come here travelling but I was 29, so had a good few years career wise in the UK before getting here, we spent 6 months travelling in Asia before landing here almost out of money and just walked into jobs we were doing back in the uk so when I say backpacker I wasn't straight out of uni.

But I haven't lived in England as a parent, except for my mat leave where we tried it out for 8 months, I did love it at the time but panicked at the thought of having to find a job and commuting etc. so we moved back and I returned to my old very flexible govi job, I was in hindsight pretty overwhelmed with the return to work.

I think it would be hard for my son to move, I was talking about our trip home the other day when he pointed out that we are home

At the end of the day, I think his needs will come first, there's a lot more I could be doing to settle myself, as the adult who chose to have him and raise him here it's not fair for me to put my wants ahead of everything.

I'm super excited to visit though, and hopefully that fix will be enough for now,

We spent the last two afternoons at the beach until dinner time, and as I stand in the sun watching him playing with his friend I'm reminded how lucky we are he has this childhood.

And yes to never really being accepted, almost all of my good friends are expats, even after 13 years. Although probably half of them made the move back to the uk when they had children.

There's definitely a clique thing here, maybe more so in the area I live, the women often all went to the same private girls schools, and remain friends forever after.

Why don't you join up a gentle stretchy restful yoga class. There are zillions of them in the eastern suburbs/Bondi area, of all different styles. Find one you enjoy and go regularly. It would be good for you post-horrible relationship, and also a way to meet other women your age and get a sense of community if not make new friends.

No advice to offer OP, best of luck with your decision.

There are some sweeping generalisations on here about life in the UK. Kids here are not on screens all the time any more than they are anywhere else. I live in a rural area and the kids I know are frequently running, biking, outdoor swimming, rock climbing , doing water sports playing football etc. It's perfectly possible to have an outdoorsy life in the UK.

I live in the U.K., right by the beach but it's not sunny (there's a huge storm due to hit overnight in fact) however it still affords us many of the things that Australia offers as long as we have appropriate clothing, we sail, bodyboard, hike all without getting sunburn!

I think friendship is more important than weather, over half the people I know to move to Australia return to the U.K. and I know many Australians living in the U.K. so it can't be all bad here

It's hard to choose between head and heart so you have my sympathies. It sounds like you're coming to a resolution, though, and I do think it will be easier when you let the idea of returning to the UK go so you can really try to immerse yourself over there instead if always going one foot out of the bowl. If you see what I mean.

I'm surprised by comments in this thread. I'm in the uk and I have to say I hadn't realised I was living in some sort of apocalyptic era. I live next to a long stretch of beach where we go sand yachting, play football and tennis, walk the dogs, a friend even gallops her horse there. Yes, the sea is cold, but it was just as cold in Bondi Beach when we were there in a February. And when we went further up the coast we were warned not to swim in the sea because of stingers.
The weather, obviously, is not great here, but I've been to Australia twice. The first time it was so hot we struggled to go out, and the second time a cyclone hit.
There's so much to see and do in the UK. And because it's not that big, it's easy to get to all corners of it. And you can hop over to the continent for different cultures or weekend breaks.
And the uk is so much cheaper than Oz - I did get some good buys in Woolies, though. 😉
I'm not dissing Australia in any way. I loved it there, had a fab time and all the Austraians we met were friendly and helpful (except for at the bar outside the opera house! To whom I would say, manners, a smile and a thank you cost nothing!) I looks like a great place to live and bring up children. But the UK is not some sort of backward hole where life is miserable for children who we keep locked in our houses 24hrs a day. Life's pretty damn good here actually.

@SpaceDetective

Children here don’t usually just meet up and play. They go to school then to an activity then home to play on ipad / phones / watch tv

I think this is hugely area dependent

It's definitely area dependant. My 10 year old is out playing with his friends most days after school. We are in Northern Scotland. My younger kids will be the same when they are old enough.

It's good to know you and your ds will be ok in either Australia or UK.

This really resonated. I'm an ex pat in Sydney with a child and a well paid job and extremely homesick after almost 3 years with no visit to the UK or from family. Difference is I'm now married to an Aussie and his parents are v close as are his schoolfriends.

Sydney is cliquey and it's tough to break into friendship groups built around school and uni because unlike the UK most people don't move away to study. They stay at home.

I really wouldn't underestimate some of the things you've mentioned in your posts. It's not just the odd sunny day. 95% of the time here the weather is so wonderful. When it rains it pours but you can still get out and about most days. Equivalent jobs at home are not paid the same and the quality of life here is better for kids. You mentioned safety which is one point but schooling is a huge factor.

The biggest block for me would be your ex. It's easy to say in theory moving home was on the table but it's been an awfully long time and for your son this is home.

There's definitely a clique thing here, maybe more so in the area I live, the women often all went to the same private girls schools, and remain friends forever after.

This was my experience of Sydney too. I was friends with some of them through work but was always on the outside of the group.

My friends were mostly other ex pats but that's a transient group by nature.