Moving back to the UK from sydney

[beingsunny]

So I've been in sydney for 13 years now, I have citizenship, a great job with good flexibility, I rent my apartment because despite my good salary it's unaffordable to buy in my area. I'm happy ish with that.

Since moving here (as a backpacker) I've married (the boy from my hometown I came here with) had a child (he's almost 10 now) got divorced about 6 years ago, and perhaps most significant left an abusive relationship about 4 months ago.

I have a longing to move home, I can't shake it. I'm in therapy, I'm generally quite happy, but I miss my family so much, the sadness of my son having no grandparents or cousins here has always been there but it's getting worse.

Am I insane for even thinking about moving back?

I've been away so long I don't think I can even imagine what it would be like.

I'm coming home for a 3.5 week visit in 8 weeks, it's all I can think about.

Jobs and school are the main things to look into in my view.
Also what lives do your family lead - if they are all still working full time visits will be limited.

[quote Sunflowergirl1]@beingsunny
I would really think hard about returning. Things are not great in the U.K and I have had two lots of friends return in the last 5 years. They both deeply regret returning and despite being around family, mourn the life they gave up.

Schooling will be a challenge when you return as usually the good schools are packed. You will be trying to get your child into a school mid year so will be lucky if you get a good one.

I would really think hard and certainly don't do it unless your ex is up for it as well given the shared parenting.

Both my friends are now looking at returning now Aus has opened its boarders [/quote]

Perhaps they are just always going to be unhappy with their situation.

They were unhappy in the UK so they moved to Australia.

Then they were unhappy in Australia so the moved back to the UK.

Now they are unhappy in the UK so they want to move yet again.

It sounds like they are the ones with the issues rather than the UK.

Oh god I would not do it. You child will suffer. The weather here is dreadful most of the year. It is very expensive and quality of life is one of the worse in Europe. I can see the point about your family but once you are here how often you will see them. 13 years ago you were younger and things were much better here. You probably will not recognise the place anymore but come to visit longer and you will see. Also, the polarisation and division after Brexit is real.

I lived in Sydney for 5 years, had kids with English husband but moved back, then divorced. I'm conflicted on whether it was the right decision from a lifestyle perspective tbh but financially as a single mum we are much better off. I still think about going back

But the issue here is how your ex feels. Isn't there a law preventing you from leaving with your son unless he gives permission? I think you should sound him out first before you get too much in the headspace of moving back to the uk as he may not be on board & you will have to stay in Australia. This might make it worse for you, wanting to come back but being unable to do so. Good luck & hope you have a lovely trip back to the uk

@Lolamento have you considered emigrating? It sounds like it would be the solution to your bleak sounding life.

If you had people to hang out with, I think you’d feel less homesick. Focus on improving your social life. Get involved with people with shared interests.
Consider returning to England as a longer term objective, maybe once your son is university age,

quality of life is one of the worse in Europe

What utter drivel! The UK does NOT have one of the worst qualities of life in Europe - not even close: of life is one of the worse in Europe

Sorry - didn't post link: www.numbeo.com/quality-of-life/rankings_by_country.jsp?title=2019&region=150

The UK is such an awful place that people are prepared to leave other safe European countries and die crossing the Channel to get here.

@BillAndTeddy

"Perhaps they are just always going to be unhappy with their situation.
*
They were unhappy in the UK so they moved to Australia.

Then they were unhappy in Australia so the moved back to the UK.

Now they are unhappy in the UK so they want to move yet again.

It sounds like they are the ones with the issues rather than the U*l

What utter shite. They moved because of promotions and coming back to their U.K. offices. Fantastic promotions and money...but no amount of money compensates for the Aussie lifestyle.

Go to UK for a holiday. It really has changed recently and our politicians are a disaster. The weather is sh**e and inflation is rising. I can almost guarantee you will buy a return ticket back to Oz.

@Abra1d1

The UK is such an awful place that people are prepared to leave other safe European countries and die crossing the Channel to get here.

Exactly. I really don't understand all the negativity on MN.

OP, I have lived in Herfordshire for the last 25 years and it is the same it has always been. No better and no worse.

The main thing will be to check that you can afford a property near a decent school (that is the main thing I would change about the UK - we should bring back grammar schools). And of course, getting a job, but we currently have a skills shortage which will help.

@Derrymum123

Go to UK for a holiday. It really has changed recently and our politicians are a disaster. The weather is sh**e and inflation is rising. I can almost guarantee you will buy a return ticket back to Oz.

Do you know how expensive it is everything is in Australia? Our food has hardly increased in the last decade. Food is much more expensive in Australia and has been for over a decade.

quality of life is one of the worse in Europe

Well I suppose the answer to this is to move to Romania, Bulgaria, Albania, Ukraine...

Some posters don't seem to appreciate that a lot of the problems the UK is experiencing right now are global problems. I live in Canada, often touted on MN as having great quality of life (which it mostly does), but we have most of the same issues. Yes salaries are higher, and we often have bigger houses and vehicles and more space, but property prices, even in small towns outside of urban centres, are eye watering. The average house price is much higher than the UK. Huge shortage of housing more generally. Groceries where I live cost easily 1/3 more than a UK supermarket. Inflation is on the rise. So many people are just getting by where I live.

Choosing where to live based on "quality of life" on paper is doomed to fail. You need to choose based on your own personal circumstances.

I’m Australian but have lived in the UK for many years and this is my home now. I don’t share pp’s gloomy view of life in England. My kids and I spend time outdoors all year round. The job opportunities for me are much better here. I find the culture more welcoming. My children are in a fantastic state school although we would like to send them private for secondary. The travel opportunities here are better. The cultural experiences are more varies. The festivals are better here - and generally there is more going on. I don’t find the cost of living that much higher in comparison to Australia but I accept that some jobs in Australia pay better.

The weather doesn’t compare to Sydney but for me the life opportunities and experiences in England are just so much better thank anything that was available to me in Australia.

I don’t think you’re crazy at all OP!

Goodness, some pretty strong views coming out. The sensible side of me says, quality of life for kids is probably better here in australia, I will go with an open mind at Easter, though I know a holiday there isn't the same as actual life.

As a pp said, I need to make more effort on building a strong friend network here, the last few months have been spent trying to recover from my relationship, I've also been let down by a couple of people here I thought I could count on at some really difficult times which was a bit of a reality check. Moneys tight and so getting out and socialising feels a bit limited.

The feeling of homesickness is quite crippling as it feels like what's the point in working on building a new network for now, I know that's really a terrible way to approach it as the chances of everything aligning, job, excellent schools, house affordability, and my sons father is fairly low.

Thanks for your feedback everyone, it's a challenging time!

But I hear the borders will open again next month for tourists so perhaps my sisters can come and stay!!

The weather here is dreadful most of the year. It is very expensive and quality of life is one of the worse in Europe.

The UK is nowhere near as expensive as many countries. I used to teach EFL and most of my students were from the EU and they were amazed at how cheap things were here. And the vast majority of students I taught, never went back to their countries. They said there was so much freedom here in comparison to their own, even western European countries. And they they thought people were so friendly and always chatting at the bus stops and in queues at the supermarket, and they loved that people smiled at each other as they passed and said hello. The only thing they all disliked about here was the weather.
It's honestly really annoying that the UK is made out to be the hellhole of Europe.
Costs have risen across the world. I watch American youtubers and they're all saying how the prices of everything are going up.

competent government

My Aussie friends loathe ScoMo and his cronies.

@Lolamento

Australia is really cheap, especially Sydney 😂😂😂.

The weather is shite*

OP grew up in Hertfordshire, she knows what the weather is like.

What utter shite. They moved because of promotions and coming back to their U.K. offices. Fantastic promotions and money...but no amount of money compensates for the Aussie lifestyle.
Ok then. That's absolutely cracking for your friends. You should move here too as you definitely seem to think it's an absolute utopia for some reason.

I've lived abroad - not recently - but one thing the UK has is classes for hobbies, sport - if you are somewhere where everything is far apart like the US, you can't jump in the car and drive 20 mins to the bridge club, or running group or whatever. There seemed to be so much choice here in the UK.
Also the changing seasons are nice imv.
Also places eg Europe being a drive away.

We came back after 12 years in Melbourne. We lived in a lively part of the city very close to CBD and for a few years near the beach. So many great things about our lives there but could never shake the feeling of not quite belonging so we came back 3 years ago. We didn’t go back to London though and headed for a lovely city in the South West. We both found good jobs and love being back despite the crap weather etc. It just feels like home. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

We’re based in Aus currently. It’s been safer here but still not the easiest few years.
The pandemic has done a number on our social circle (it’s now essentially a triangle) and I haven’t been into the cbd more than five times since June. Playgroups stopped. Facebook meet ups stopped.

We haven’t seen family in three years because of borders.

House prices have gone up almost 1m$ near us which makes us feel stupid for not buying sooner. I feel on another planet to my job because it’s been so disconnected.

BUT remember that things should be starting again soon. We’re expecting a big push back to the office in March. Travel is getting easier. Pubs are filling up. We’re hopefully on the way to normality and it’s a friendly busy place. I hope you feel like you have great options if you stay or go.

Don't underestimate the impact of being freshly out of a bad relationship. Of course you want to go where you feel most safe. Keep working on rebuilding your own confidence and friends wherever you live.