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Original poster

All those online for NZ timezone!

880 replies

buzzybee · 28/04/2007 05:17

Hi all. Used to be a regular on MN when I lived in London but since moving back to NZ have found it harder to make the connections due to all the brits being asleep when us down under are online! So if anyone is keen to start a thread for those of us in this predicament please reply! My DD has just turned 5 and started school last week (scary). Have just found out I'm expecting number 2 - due roughly Xmas day...

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welliemum · 19/12/2007 07:40

I think buzzy's right, a lot of people are just shellshocked at first, without being bereaved as well. So glad you're feeling you can enjoy her - that's lovely.

Chilly here - lots of rain which is good, as it's been unbearably hot and dry. I was thinking of the "weather change" theory buzzy, and wondering if it would set you off. However if not the weather, I'm sure the acupuncturist will get things going on Friday! Look forward to seeing you, unless otherwise occupied...

MrsJohnCuSackFullOfPresents · 19/12/2007 09:46

Anna, it's lovely that you feel like you're enjoying her And it's always so much nicer when they start smiling and you feel like actually they might quite like you

and that growth spurt is pretty impressive - the midwife can put that in her pipe and smoke it

Good luck Buzzy! am with Wellie, the weather change might do the trick - exactly what happened to me

Shells · 19/12/2007 17:14

Anna -thats exactly what happened to me with DS2. Took me ages to feel a really personal connection with him and i felt a bit ashamed. but extra lovely when it does happen. My back has turned a corner since saw fab osteopath, so i'm getting loads more sleep, even with feeds. still feeling washed out though. my mum helpfully said 'well you are an older mum you know.' cheers.
go for xmas day buzzy!

AnnainNZ · 19/12/2007 19:20

Lol at your mum's comment, Shells. I saw a friend last weekend who had her second dc 6 days after I had Amelia, someone was talking about age of mothers and my friend said to me "Do you think you'll risk having another or just stick to one" ! "Risk" another! I'm 36, I'm not that decrepit!

I'm so glad I've started enjoying Amelia more, I felt the loss was doubled - not only had I lost my mum but I was losing a really precious time with the baby as well. I suppose it helps when babies get a bit more responsive, they are pretty much in their own world for the first few weeks.

Original poster
buzzybee · 20/12/2007 03:42

Saw MW today again. She is very laid back which I'm finding a bit frustrating even though I know she's probably right...

I know its very late in the piece but am now wondering whether I should try and think about/ask someone other than the MW to be my birth partner. Its just that we haven't really "clicked" and I can't really see having any ongoing relationship her.

But TBH can't think of anyone close I'd want to be my birth partner!! My mum and I don't have that sort of relationship and I have no other close relatives in Wellington.

Am now thinking maybe I'll just send out an all points bulletin when I go in to hospital as I'd actually quite like a "celebration" immediately after she's born. After all if it all goes pear shaped and I have a 36 hour ordeal then I can just get the MW to send people home! Only thing is that feels rather selfish given I've seen the waiting room at Wellington Women's and its tiny and rather depressing!!

Wouldn't make people hang around on Xmas Day either!

Any suggestions??

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SelfRighteous · 20/12/2007 03:50

Not selfish at all! I think visiting a newborn is a lovely thing to do on Christmas day, and I'm sure lots of other people would agree.

The birth partner thing is tricky. Do you have any specific ideas about a) what you want a birth partner to do/be, and b) why you're not keen on the MW? Or is it more a gut feeling thing.

Was just thinking that if you have definite ideas, you don't need someone ideal, just someone who will do as they're told!

SelfRighteous · 20/12/2007 03:51

wups, welliemum here

Original poster
buzzybee · 20/12/2007 04:04

Hi Welliemum!
Its just that when she was here today I was getting quite frustrated/irritated with her and I kept thinking "this is the only other person who's going to be present when LO is born". Its not that I think she'll be "bad" but it would somehow be nice for LO and me if there was someone else in years to come who had also shared the experience.

I also think she's not really in tune with me and I may need another advocate. She's very anti-intervention including ALL forms of chemical pain relief. I'm pretty strong willed and having had one baby before have a fairly decent idea of my pain tolerance and what worked for me before but will I be able to clearly and unequivocally express this while I'm in labour? I find it a bit hard to work out what's her and what's NZ (vs UK) practice when she says things like "I hardly ever use entenox" like its some sort of evil thing. It is just her that doesn't like it or is it much less used in NZ (in the UK it seemed be a matter of course)?

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Original poster
buzzybee · 20/12/2007 04:05

Hi Welliemum!
Its just that when she was here today I was getting quite frustrated/irritated with her and I kept thinking "this is the only other person who's going to be present when LO is born". Its not that I think she'll be "bad" but it would somehow be nice for LO and me if there was someone else in years to come who had also shared the experience.

I also think she's not really in tune with me and I may need another advocate. She's very anti-intervention including ALL forms of chemical pain relief. I'm pretty strong willed and having had one baby before have a fairly decent idea of my pain tolerance and what worked for me before but will I be able to clearly and unequivocally express this while I'm in labour? I find it a bit hard to work out what's her and what's NZ (vs UK) practice when she says things like "I hardly ever use entenox" like its some sort of evil thing. It is just her that doesn't like it or is it much less used in NZ (in the UK it seemed be a matter of course)?

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Original poster
buzzybee · 20/12/2007 04:05

Hi Welliemum!
Its just that when she was here today I was getting quite frustrated/irritated with her and I kept thinking "this is the only other person who's going to be present when LO is born". Its not that I think she'll be "bad" but it would somehow be nice for LO and me if there was someone else in years to come who had also shared the experience.

I also think she's not really in tune with me and I may need another advocate. She's very anti-intervention including ALL forms of chemical pain relief. I'm pretty strong willed and having had one baby before have a fairly decent idea of my pain tolerance and what worked for me before but will I be able to clearly and unequivocally express this while I'm in labour? I find it a bit hard to work out what's her and what's NZ (vs UK) practice when she says things like "I hardly ever use entenox" like its some sort of evil thing. It is just her that doesn't like it or is it much less used in NZ (in the UK it seemed be a matter of course)?

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Original poster
buzzybee · 20/12/2007 04:11

oops sorry!

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SelfRighteous · 20/12/2007 04:15

sorry buzzy, stereo screaming here, I'll need to come back later - I think entonox is used less here than in the UK though.

Shells · 20/12/2007 08:46

Buzzy, I had entonox when I had my stitches - no time before that - and my midwife was quite anti-intervention and a bit of a hippy. She offered it to me quite happily!
Its funny though as I felt really close to her having shared such an intimate experience with her during the birth - not to mention her spending quite a lot of time seeing me at my most undignified... And yet now when I see her at home, she feels detached, like it was just another baby. So I can see your point. Maybe a good, supportive friend, might just be the ticket.

welliemum · 20/12/2007 09:24

With pain relief, I really think that the MW must go along with whatever you want, obviously as long as there aren't medical concerns. Part of her being a professional, IMO, is that she must support you and not let her own preferences intrude.

Do you have a written birth plan? Might be a good idea to have everything down in point form. Then you (or a supportive friend) can point to the relevant bits.

With a birth partner, if there isn't one single person that is ideal, could you work a shift system, ie one person to do early labour and one to be there for the birth? You might want different sorts of people for those times. The logistics might be tricky though. Not sure what to suggest.

How are you and Rosie doing, Shells?

Shells · 20/12/2007 19:08

Rosie is just lovely. Quite windy, so I have that same old thing of feeding her and she dozes off and then she brings up wind and wakes up. But I can't seem to wind her straight after a feed as she won't wake up. Any thoughts anyone?

Apart from that we're ok. My first day on my own with 3 kids. Mum has gone home and DH at work. Little bit nervous....

I agree with Welliemum about the pain relief. You have got to feel that it will be freely available (even if you don't need it) just for your mental health I'd say.

AnnainNZ · 20/12/2007 21:20

Entonox was very freely available at Auckland (as was pethidine and epidural!) - I had hospital mws as my LMC, being a GP, wasn't there throughout the whole labour. The hospital mws seemed very happy to offer pain relief. One of my fears pre-labour was that I was going to really need pain relief and be denied it - not the case at all for me. By the time I tried the entonox it was barely touching the pain so I went straight to an epidural (which was completely and utterly wonderful!)

If your mw is quite anti-drugs a birth plan is a very good idea, you could put something along the lines of "I would prefer not to have xxxx but if I change my mind in labour I want my wishes to be respected". I had a friend had her first in Welly Hospital - she was very anti-drugs, as was her mw - friend insistent she didn't want an epidural whatever happened. Ended up on syntocin drip and yelling for epi, the mw actually took her dp aside and said "Now she was really insistent she didn't want an epidural so I don't think she should have one" . She eventually got her epi and immediately fell asleep for 3 hours, she was so exhausted at this point!

welliemum · 20/12/2007 21:41

Shows how little I know! I wasn't offered entonox but I'd said (prelabour) that I didn't want it and I didn't change my mind in labour, so that's as it should be.

Thinking about this some more, buzzy, maybe instead of laying down the law about what you want or don't want ahead of time, it would be simpler to get a guarantee from the midwife that she'll just give you what you ask for, no arguments?

Original poster
buzzybee · 21/12/2007 05:57

Yes I think you're both right Shells and Welliemum. I need to have a little chat with her about respecting my wishes!

Had the acupuncture this afternoon. Nothing yet!! I'm not sure I'm a convert - found it a bit uncomfortable. I'm not a big of needles as I associate with blood - which is guaranteed to make me faint if more than a few drops!!

Anyway had a lovely day regardless - DD and I walked down to train station and took train into town, wandered round for a bit then took bus home. It was a little excursion/treat I've been saving up for a while and she really enjoyed it. Then did a spot of light gardening after her Dad picked her up. LO has until 11am Monday to come now when she's back with me again

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Shells · 23/12/2007 20:58

Happy Christmas Kiwi MNers. Hope you all have lovely happy days with your dds and ds's. My DS1 is beside himself. I'm really enjoying his excitement as it won't last I'm sure. Crossing fingers for you Buzzy.

MrsJohnCuSackFullOfPresents · 24/12/2007 02:26

Hope something's happening Buzzy!
and Happy Christmas to all of you

Original poster
buzzybee · 24/12/2007 03:13

Hmmm, well if it is its happening very slowly!!

Happy Christmas everyone

Look forward to chatting with you all one-handed very soon.

xxx

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welliemum · 24/12/2007 04:34

Happy Christmas all!

Will be wandering by the computer every now and again in the hope of seeing some one-handed typing from Buzzy!

AnnainNZ · 24/12/2007 06:47

Happy Christmas everybody. Hope it doesn't rain. It's been scorchio today hasn't it.

AnnainNZ · 24/12/2007 07:03

forgot to say, good luck buzzy

(typing 1 handed myself!)

Original poster
buzzybee · 24/12/2007 20:55

Raining here!
Nothing happening on the baby front but Having a nice Xmas day with DD1 so not unhappy about that!

Happy christmas!!!

How's Amelia enjoying her first Xmas Anna?

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