All those online for NZ timezone!

[buzzybee]

Hi all. Used to be a regular on MN when I lived in London but since moving back to NZ have found it harder to make the connections due to all the brits being asleep when us down under are online! So if anyone is keen to start a thread for those of us in this predicament please reply! My DD has just turned 5 and started school last week (scary). Have just found out I'm expecting number 2 - due roughly Xmas day...

Thelady - I haven't said anything on the ante/post natal thread yet as it just seems such horrible news to throw into a thread that is full of people being excited about their lovely new babies.

Anna, you seem really sane and together considering you've had a roller coaster of a week or two. You're amazing. The funeral sounds good too (as these things go). What a nice sounding family. Hope you're getting through the days. Let us know how little Amelia/feeding etc. is going.

Oh Anna, have just read this - how awful. poor you and your poor family. NOt much use but I am thinking of you

I do think it's a very good idea to video the funeral - my mother never went to her mother's funeral as it was in NZ and she was in the UK and couldn't get back (it was 1971 - way too expensive to fly) - she always says she wishes videos were around in those days.

Anna {{hugs}} how are you bearing up today? Short of loosing Amelia or your DH this must be most people's worst nightmare.

It sounds like you have a wonderful family though and that must mean a lot.

I have found messages of support posted to this website of huge comfort to me over the last few weeks and months. Might be worth considering posting - I'm positive none of them would begrudge you a bit of support right now.

Anna, I can't speak for your ante/postnatal buddies, but if it were me, I'd really want to know that you're going through this.

Your Mum sounds lovely. I really like buzzy's idea of writing down some memories for Amelia. My grandad died when I was quite small, but my gran and mum talked about him often, so he was always a person to me rather than an abstract figure iykwim, and I'm really glad about that.

Anna: I really think that no-one would mind your posting on the ante/postnatal threads. After all, we "know" you, and this is one of the biggest/most awful things anyone has to go through.

The video idea sounds lovely, and a way for you to feel closer to the rest of your family just when you need it.

from me too.

I was just having a squizz at the Due in Nov thread (so exciting, almost a baby a day) and noticed a post from JARM where she says that her DD2 is called Rebecca Alison "Rebecca was because we liked it, and Alison after my mum who died when DD1 was 2 weeks old".

Yes, I saw that too Buzzy. Still deciding what/when to post on the thread.

Had a much better day today, went to see my GP this afternoon who was v happy with Amelia and told me I was doing a great job with her . Spoke to my sister in UK this am and the videoing of the funeral is all sorted out, they've cleared it with the vicar and organised a ocmpany to do it. We had a long chat, it's good to share our memories. We actually found ourselves laughing over something, which was great - so nice to laugh again. There's been a lot of coverage about my mum in the local paper as she lived in a small rural community. The local bishop paid tribute to her, as she was so involved in church stuff. My sister told me the headline in the paper read "Bishop pays tribute to tragic OAP" - we had to laugh - the thought of my mum's face at being described as an OAP! Anyone less like an OAP I can't imagine. We were talking about what to put on the gravestone and my sister said "Maybe we should go with "Tragic OAP"!".

Also went for a walk in the park with the dog and the baby,was so good to get out of the house and we saw several people we know who walk their dosg at same time who all stopped and admired Amelia. So a pretty good day, considering. The only bad news was that there is a lot of speculation that the driver of the other car was answering his phone when the accident happened - I'm trying not to dwell on it as it is just specualtion and I don't want to get all angry, it won't bring her back after all.

Hope you're all well. I didn't think I would want to post much but it is actually helping.

Anna, you sound so brave you're incredible! Really hope that posting here does help you, I'm sure it will.
Fantastic news that Amelia is doing so well and that you're enjoying her so much.

I am really really looking forward to having another little person in my life. DD and I had the most fantastic weekend together this weekend (the weather helped!) and I kept thinking this will be harder to do when LO's here - but at the same time am loving the idea of us all as a family.

Anna,

You're amazingly strong. I so admire you for being able to see the funny side of things - the "Tragic OAP" story made me smile too.

It's good to hear that things are going well with little Amelia. Hope you're feeling (physically) better too.

Buzzy, it's lovely to watch your children meeting each other for the first time. Really special.

It was good to see you on Saturday, hope you weren't too tired after the festivities!

Oh I'm really not that strong. My mum did have an amazing capacity to just get on with things and maybe I've just inherited that from her.

The mw seemed concerned today that Amelia had only put on 20g in 5 days (last time she was weighed she had put on 70g in 5 days). Does it really matter that much? Isn't her weight gain going to fluctuate a bit anyway? And all those growth charts are just averages aren't they? She seems quite happy (the baby, not the mw!)

oh FFS the last thing you need is the MW faffing about over tiny grams of weight here and there

if she is happy & well, and has lots of wet and dirty nappies then that's fine. Those charts can be a lot more trouble than they're worth. And she's gained weight anyway, not stayed the same or lost it. They can't be expected to put on weight at exactly the same rate every 5 days, they're BABIES not machines

I did think that perhaps I didn't need the mw stressing over this to me but I didn't like to say anything. She went on a lot about letting the baby feed for as long as she wants at each feed which, umm, I'm doing anyway.

The baby seems absolutely fine and is certainly pooing loads, usually when I've just put a clean nappy on her

I agree with MrsJC. I got this from my health visitor with DS1 in the UK. She had me so stressed as he was wavering in the 25th percentile. Had me giving him top up bottles of milk etc. He was FINE. Six years later he is still skinny, but fine. Apparently those charts are skewed towards bottle fed babies who put on weight more regularly.

oooh I did sound ranty. But it makes me so cross - you are doing so bloody well, she can bog off with her charts

don't let her stress you out over it, come to mumsnet and you will see it is all fine

I completely agree with Shells and MrsJC. If Amelia's happy and doing all the right things, just stick your fingers in your ears and go "la la la".

Her weight will be yoyo-ing anyway at the moment because at this age, feeds and poos are a huge percentage of her bodyweight... so it all depends on the split second timing of when you weigh them.

After feed, before poo: "Oh well done Anna, she's gaining weight beautifully"
Before feed, after poo:

Can you tell this has happened to me

Rant away, I don't mind!

i think the mw is a bit of a worrier, Amelia has a little dimple at the base of the spine (the sacrum I think) and every time the mw saw it she would suck her teeth in and be all "Ooh, better ask your GP about that, not too sure about that" etc etc. My GP took one look at it and said, it's absolutely fine, nothing to worry about.

Spoke to my sister who has 4 kids and she said as far as she is concerned, as long as a baby's not losign weight, there's nothing to worry about. Not going to let mw stress me out - baby is fine!

yes meant to say poos & food weigh a LOT when you're very small

I'm not sure some HCPs are ever happy. Both of my babies stacked on the weight and certainly my HV in the UK was quite suspicious, as though I was stuffing formula and doughnuts into DD on the sly

Good to see you posting . Amelia sounds like she's doing brilliantly

welliemum, still haven't made it to Wellie have I? Maybe later in the summer. Will you be back in ChCh at all

MrsJC, am due back in ChCh early in the New Year for a checkup -will let you know, although I've never had any spare time on these visits.

I imagined I'd be popping down to ChCh and then having a coffee somewhere, looking round the shops before heading back home, but instead these visits have been horrible. I get up early, rush to the airport, fly, bundle into taxi to get to appointment on time, sit around for hours while they fiddle, then do the whole thing in reverse with a mad rush to get home before my childcare expires.

It is Not Good. (Oops, who's ranting now?)

Think you'll need to come here really

Anna - bizarre that the MW seems to think she knows better than your GP! Is the MW like a HV in the UK then? Sorry to sound confused but despite being kiwi, had DD1 in London so a novice to the NZ system.

Will be thinking of you and your family tonight.

Yes, the mw visits till about 6 weeks after the birth I think, when someone from Plunkett takes over. I mean, she's nice enough but just seems to like to find things to worry about. She said she would normally only be visiting once a week now, but said she would visit more often due to "my circumstances" (I guess she means the c section and infection? Or my mum?). I feel like saying, no thanks, once a week is fine!

Not that long to go now is there Buzzy - 5 weeks? Or is it a bit more? When are you going on maternity leave?

Only 4 weeks to go!!!! And finish up at work in 3 weeks, all going to plan.

Did you feel a huge sense of physical relief at not having to carry around an extra 2 stone pushing down on your bladder?! Am really looking forward to meeting her but also have to admit I'd like to get my old body back and not have this little being wriggling round inside me!!

The MW sounds like a born worrier. Just try and go all zen when she's around I'd say.

Anna, hope you got some sleep last night and managed to get through. Was thinking of you. Sounds cold in the UK.
All you more experienced NZ dwellers - I'm finding the whole Christmas thing really weird. The odd snow-filled scene painted on dairy windows, which is frankly, bizarre. And even though I grew up here, I'm failing to feel Christmassy at all. Having said all that its quite nice to not have it rammed down your throat from September. How do you all do Christmas?

Buzzy - the last few weeks were uncomfortable - just heaving myself out of bed/ off the sofa etc. I had lots of baths just so i could get that weightless feeling, well not totally weightless, but lighter. Mind you, i look at Amelia and i cant believe she fitted inside my bump, she must have been so curled up.

Shells - mt first Christmas here I did the whole turkey thing - don't bother now. Just a nice relaxed day with a few drinks and a bbq in the afternoon. This year we are having the morning for me, dh and Amelia and people coming round for afternoon/evening - mostly friends who are Poms/Irish who don't have family here.

Oh and thanks for the thoughts about me last night - i did wake up a couple of times but got back to sleep - am about to phone my sister to find out how it all went.