All those online for NZ timezone!

[buzzybee]

Hi all. Used to be a regular on MN when I lived in London but since moving back to NZ have found it harder to make the connections due to all the brits being asleep when us down under are online! So if anyone is keen to start a thread for those of us in this predicament please reply! My DD has just turned 5 and started school last week (scary). Have just found out I'm expecting number 2 - due roughly Xmas day...

Buzzy, well done for being so brave. I think it will make you feel better to know either way, although I know you've had the possibility there for ages. A friend of mine in London has a little Down's girl, a bit older than DS2 who I have known since she was a baby. She has added a whole other, extremely positive dimension to their lives and that of everyone who knows her. Its not to say its been very easy, but hugely enriching and thats something to hold on to. Will be thinking of you all week. Hope you are ok tonight.

And also, I know the most worrying thing must be the bowel/heart stuff. I'm sure there is loads of mumsnet info available and support you can get from others on the special needs pages. I've found huge amounts of helpful stuff there for DS2. I really hope your wee girl is ok. Feeling for you.

My DD is with her father tonight which is a shame since I could do with the distraction. On a brighter note I did take her to swimming class straight after the hospital and she was so lovely, gave me lots of spontaneous hugs, almost like she knew I needed a bit of comfort.
My MW came over to see me at home this evening - very sweet of her as she has 3 kids herself and I'm pretty sure she had to cancel another appointment to come here.
Thanks for your thoughts. It means a lot to know there are people out there thinking about me.
LO is kicking me loads tonight. Maybe saying hay why did you take away my nice swimming pool?!
I'm going to try and find out about some sort of appropriate grief counselling as I know however much I try to stay strong I will have some very sad moments.
I have a question for you - do you think I should tell DD's father? He's one person I think will understand and can talk to (does that sound weird since we've been apart 4.5 years?) - but there's a risk talking to him could completely backfire. At worst he could try and claim full custody of DD. Hard question I know as you don't know him!

buzzy

((big hugs))

have emailed.

thinking of you and your little girl (and your big girl too!)

I think it's a great idea to look around for some grief counselling. I don't know what is available but I guess googling will find something, or even the phone book. SOme of teh UK organisations that other people on MN know about may have websites or email facilities.

If you think talking to DD's dad will help I guess you should try it but obviously I don't know him or what your relationship is like now.

Sorry I don't have any great advice...sorry you're going through this. I think you're coping incredibly well.

buzzybee

Am thinking about you as well.
Counselling sounds lke a good idea. Do you think your DD's father would really try to claim full custody? Becuase if not, and if you think it would help, then you should talk to him. I can't actually think that legally this would make any difference re. custody.

I saw your post on the other thread re the heart problems. I think Eidsvold's little girl (who has Down syndrome) had heart surgery when she was v.small. she's in Oz. may be worth catting her?

MrsJC. I really don't know re the ex-h. I thought I knew him but its a long time now and he's been in his new relationship all of that time so his priorities are very much there.

Does anyone know anything about legal positions on this one? I know they look at things very much from the child's perspective. Given that we share custody 50:50 now would the courts be sympathetic to the view that she would be better off spending more time with him and less with me?

I am going to have to talk to him at some point obviously. But the question I suppose is whether I try and use him as a support person or just inform him in the same way as I'll need to tell many others?

Its very hard to believe that someone you once loved could hurt you or use something like this against you, but he has said and done many things over the last 4 years which I would never have believed he would do.

I wish I had a new partner to talk to but sadly that's not the case. I do have many friends but its not the sort of thing you drop casually into a conversation is it? He's really the only person I've cried with if that makes any sense at all!

Buzzy, I don't have a legal background at all but it seems to me that it would be very hard for exDH to make a case. Surely saying that DD1 would be better off with him, is discriminatory against DD2 (whatever her needs are) and that would be illegal. Even if demands on you and your time are higher, that would be the same if you had twins or there were any other special circumstances, and absolutely not grounds to take a child away from you, or deprive a child of her sister. I can understand your desire to confide in him because you have that history. But maybe someone else would be safer.

hmm if he has done other things then TBH maybe you need to find someone else to talk to. Are none of those friends ones that could become closer IYSWIM, a proper support person? But do use mumsnet as well, this is where it comes into its own I think. Were you going to have anyone at the birth with you - I would imagine that may become even more important now. If you don't know a suitable support person, would a doula be an idea? Sorry am throwing things at you but am thinking how difficult it must be not to have someone there to go through all of this with you

legally I don't know anything official, but I really can't see that this could be used against you for custody. Maybe it would be worth just consulting a legal person, even a brief phone consultation, if it would put you mind at rest. (no idea what that would cost though)

AnnainNZ, good luck to you. I was induced first time round (due to high BP) and it was fine, hope it is for you too.

buzzy

children running riot, so apols if this makes no sense, written in haste

What about the citizen's advice bureau? I'm not sure which is your nearest but they're in the white pages. EVen if they don't know the law re custody, they'll know who to ask.

Was also thinking that your midwife should be able to point you in the direction of a counsellor with experience in pregnancy/baby counselling.

And as I said, will help any way I can - just let me know.

Thanks MrsJC, less than 2 days to go

Hope you're Ok Buzzy

I think you're probably right MrsJC. I don't think he sees himself as someone I rely on any more so would certainly be taken aback.

I have asked MW to find out if there are cousellors at the hospital. Otherwise I have met one at Fertility Associates who I would return to.

I did have one person offer to be my birth partner but was actually just planning to have the MW.

Thanks so much to you all - the emails and texts very much appreciated. I think the wisest thing anyone's said to me so far is to accept all offers of assistance (which tends to go against my natural instinct, I am a born "coper") so will be trying to do that!

Had a dreadful start to the day and had to go out for a walk but feeling like I'm coping OK at the moment. Think I might take the day off tomorrow though - I don't want to be at the office when the "call" comes through.

What a week!!! I can't quite believe it still. Hospital midwife rang around 3.30pm to let me know the amnio did not show Downs Syndrome. While that's great news we still have to face the issue of probable heart defect and bowel blockage. I have another appointment for next Monday at the hospital where I expect they will drain more fluid and then have another look at the scan which should be easier with less obstructing fluid. The OB spent about 15 mins looking at the heart on Monday but was unable to zoom in close because of the fluid.
Also, the test results today were only a "fish" test - the definitive results take another 2 weeks. But these further results relate to other very rare conditions like Edwards Syndrome, not Downs, so fingers crossed that will be all OK.
Thanks so much again for all your support.

And good luck Anna for tomorrow!!!

Buzzy - again -

(Induction starting at 7.30 am tomorrow. Will text you when there is news, if you don't mind posting the news on the Nov antenatal thread - hope that's ok)

It will be my privilege Anna!

A friend had a baby today - happy Halloween for us both! You should be Happy All Saints Day - and my birthday on Saturday!!

Oh, am I too late to wish you luck Anna? Masses of luck and big hugs. So exciting. Please post on this thread too Buzzy. Want to know the news.

Oh, I missed Anna! Good luck! Keeping fingers crossed today!

Buzzy, could you post any news from Anna here too?

You are not going to believe this but that consultant rang my MW today to tell her/me she thought the amnio test results were suspicious - on the basis that they showed the baby to be a girl and she "thought" it was a boy!!! (based on nothing more than her memory as far as I can tell because this was not recorded anywhere on her notes apparently) i.e. she thought the sample had become contaminated with my cells somehow and therefore the result was simply showing that I don't have Downs Syndrome.

Unfortunately I had left my cellphone at home so the MW could not get hold of me and I only found this out when I got home to 10 missed calls on my phone and 3 messages to call the MW urgently.

I am close to 100% certain she is a girl as we double checked this at the scan 3 weeks ago at Bowen. Having not talked to the consultant I can't be sure she doesn't have other reasons to think the sample may be contaminated but this means they will want to repeat the test next Monday.

Seriously I'd like to sue this woman for the amount of stress she has caused not only me but also my MW not to mention all of the people I have talked about this with, which includes you guys! Of course since she's leaving in 2 weeks there's no benefit to be gained from making a formal complaint. Having done a quick scan of the internet, contamination is by no means unheard of but can generally be avoided by good amnio practice - and supposedly she's an experienced practitioner.

Text from Anna at 11am this morning: "Induction started at 8am. Nothing yet so getting some rest, have nice room with view of Auckland harbour"

I tried to text her back about 7pm and have had no reply - so maybe labour in progress?!

Buzzy, you must be so stressed out by all this. Funnily enough when I was there last week she kept going on about how 'big' I was and then said 'you are 32 weeks aren't you' and I said 'no, 34' and she said 'are you sure?'.Ffs, 'Yes I'm sure'. So she checked her notes and sure enough, I was 34. So not 'big' at all. I know this is trivial in comparison, but the woman is going a bit crazy. It is so unfair on you. Its a roller coaster. Can you get another consultant for next week. Surely you've got good reason to avoid this woman now. Will keep checking for news of Anna.

Quite frankly I don't know what to think! She's crazy, I'm crazy, the world's crazy...

I know that I never want to see her again but I also know that I can't live in this state of limbo for another 7 weeks.

My MW is going to try and see if she can get me in to see one of the other consultants next week - she reckons we have some leverage now. But I'm not holding out much hope, the inflexible public health system being what it is. I wonder what they'd do if I point blank refused to see her??

Still no word from Anna!

Oh god she sounds totally useless I don't think refusing to see her would hurt, especially as your MW is on side - I'm sure she will do her best to get you in to see another consultant.

just what you need eh? I really hope they manage to sort something better out for you

(The only rubbish person I saw in NZ in this pregnancy was the only consultant I saw for my induction booking in - what a TOTAL arse he was. British as well, embarassingly)

Outrageous!

I'd definitely ask for a second opinion.

Hi, me again! Further text from Anna.

Anna had a baby girl at 6am this morning NZ time (Nov 2) 7lb 14oz.

Born by C/S as baby's heart rate was dropping but she made it to 8cm.

All well - and she says labour not as bad as she thought!

No name yet.

Oh, that's FABULOUS!

Congratulations to Anna!