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Living overseas

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

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Original poster

Depressed about relocation

88 replies

f33lingsad · 04/07/2016 15:37

We're due to relocate in a few weeks. I'm getting increasingly depressed about it. I'm on the verge of tears all the time and I feel so sick I can barely eat. I'm watching the kids leave their schools and saying goodbye to friends and I don't want to do it. It's been hanging over us forever and now it's here I can't do it. I've started to wish I'd get really ill so I'll be stuck in hospital here and unable to go (not good).

It's for DH's job so I never had much of a choice in the matter. I don't really know anyone out there except him (I'm moving my job out there but don't know anyone in that office).

Any tips for feeling better about it? What are the good things about leaving your home , your family and everything you've worked for for the past 5-10 years?

OP posts:
Miffyandme · 04/07/2016 15:43

Ah, you poor thing. I relocated for DH's job (though not abroad as it sounds like you are doing) and it is hard but it was the right thing. I see the positives as being that we did it as a team, I supported him in his career (and like you transferred jobs) and that we have made a new home here and are gradually getting a network.

Maybe the fact that it's been hanging over you and is finally here could be a good thing? That may sound daft, but it may well not be as bad as you're imagining.

There is an expats area here on the site - I read it from time to time as we were possibly going abroad. Might be worth a look?

Other positives I see are giving the children a different life and opportunities.
No real magic wand solution I'm afraid, maybe make a list of positives so that you can remind yourself. It is really hard to leave though. Someone said to me that you almost need to grieve your old life and home....seemed a bit much, but I can see her reasoning.

Good luck with it. The actual time of coming up to moving and the move is a huge upheaval so it's quite normal to be feeling a bit overwhelmed.

VioletBam · 04/07/2016 15:44

Is it to move abroad OP? Or within the UK?

Miffyandme · 04/07/2016 15:45

Well, there you go - you have posted in the overseas section. Sorry for teaching you to suck eggs! It came up in active threads for me.

VioletBam · 04/07/2016 15:46

Oh...and you don't HAVE to go. There's nothing apart from your marriage keeping you from deciding to stay. I had to move...I personally needed a change though it was hard to leave DC school and my friends....but I mostly embraced it. I knew I never HAD to go though. I could have said "Sorry DH...I'm staying here."

VioletBam · 04/07/2016 15:46

Oh yes! I see. Abroad. Where will it be OP? If you don't mind me asking.

SummerLightning · 04/07/2016 15:49

I am in the same boat. Where are you moving to?

I'm mostly looking forward to it/ though slightly terrified. Though I have had a total overreaction the past week to all the Brexit stuff which suggests I am not quite as calm about everything as I let on....

Hariasa · 04/07/2016 15:54

We're moving abroad soon too and I have totally dismantled my life to do it.

I love my DH so there's no question that we wouldn't go but I am a bit nervous.

Positives:
It will be an adventure
It's a wonderful opportunity to live in a different culture
It's a wonderful experience for the children.
We'll have more time together as a family.
Think of all the new friends we'll make
It will be sunny! (Currently tipping it down here)

SummerLightning · 04/07/2016 15:57

Everyone I speak to is so positive about me moving it makes me feel better. (They say all the stuff that Hariasa says) Lots of them say they are jealous.

If you are miserable, can you come back? Is it permanent?

Ancienchateau · 04/07/2016 15:57

Poor you. I sympathise. Whereabouts are you going? Can you put a time limit on it , say 2 years, and then if it's not working for you, come home?

Motheroffourdragons · 04/07/2016 16:02

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on behalf of the poster.

mumhum · 04/07/2016 18:42

Where are you going OP? I was you 6 months ago but now in Switzerland and loving it.

3littlebadgers · 04/07/2016 18:50

Us too op. My biggest problem is leaving dd2's little grave but also worried about my living dc. The country we are going to is not the most secure at the moment and we don't get a say in going or not.

I have also had thoughts about 'if I get ill DH will have to go alone'!

I completely sympathise, it is hard not having any say over your own life Flowers

Hariasa · 04/07/2016 19:21

3littlebadgers Flowers

Original poster
f33lingsad · 04/07/2016 21:29

Oh Badgers that must be the toughest. Sad Flowers

It's to Munich, notionally for 2 years though Brexit means I'm not sure what will happen.

I wanted to stay but the kids have found being apart from DH really tough and I've found doing it all on my own really tough he's been there and only back at weekends for 6 months.

I just feel so exhausted already. I haven't got the energy to throw myself into all the new stuff.

OP posts:
3littlebadgers · 04/07/2016 21:48

F33lingsad, let's hope the anticipation is worse than the actual going.

We're off to Ankara.

Will you still have a base here?

3littlebadgers · 04/07/2016 21:51

Hariasa, you have such a lovely positive attitude to going I'm sure it will be a big success for you and lovely opportunity.

Original poster
f33lingsad · 04/07/2016 22:10

We're hoping to rent out our house out but that's another thing Brexit has thrown into doubt.

OP posts:
3littlebadgers · 04/07/2016 22:19

Let's stay here together and live on a self sustainable commune Wink sod Munich and Ankara, and sod Brexit

Original poster
f33lingsad · 04/07/2016 22:23

I'd like to sleep a lot. And sit about doing nothing.

OP posts:
3littlebadgers · 04/07/2016 22:25

That can be arranged.

SummerLightning · 04/07/2016 22:58

Sorry guys. It is tough and Flowers for you badgers
We are also trying to rent out our house. Am hoping Brexit will not affect that but who knows?!
So much stuff to do.

waitingforsomething · 05/07/2016 09:41

Hi op. I relocated in March for my dh job. I didn't want to do it and felt much like you- awful about all of it.
I'll be honest, I don't love being so far from friends and family it's tough.
But it's not forever, and there are loads of good things about exploring a new country. The kids will adapt quicker than you expect
Munich is only a short flight home- you could go back regularly and expat communities are often friendly

sayatidaknama · 05/07/2016 09:52

I think if you are only going for 2 years it will work well if you see it as adventure. I presume the DC will go to International schools? 2 years is not really worth it immersion-wise (for you more than anything) unless you are already German speakers of course. That makes a big difference. With the whole international school thing comes a ready made social life and lots of friendly faces. Munich is also a great city. You'll be in the heart of Europe. There is so much to visit, practically on your doorstep. Cheap flights for friends and family to come and visit. Two years will whizz by.

ShutTheFuckUpBarbara · 05/07/2016 12:46

Munich is a great city!

You will probably settle in quite quickly. Germany is very similar to the UK culturally so it helps. Aside from the obvious differences (like the language), most things are similar : same series on TV, similar foods in shops (and what you don't already know is identifiable) etc.

I say this as a French citizen who settled in England a few years ago. One of my friends who grew up in rural China had a much harder time, as well as the language she also had to learn about values, social etiquette, etc.

Hariasa · 05/07/2016 13:50

Badgers thank you what a lovely thing to say.

Keep your spirits up everyone we just found tenants for our house this week.

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