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Living overseas

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

How long do you put up with homesickness before you throw in the towel?

41 replies

Qirshali · 21/03/2014 05:07

Ok, I've not been away very long, only a few months, but I never wanted to emigrate, and my gut instinct was telling me not to do it. Agreed to it though after deciding it would be better to try and then know for sure, or who knows, end up being pleasantly surprised and loving it.

Unfortunately the latter hasn't happened and I still feel like a complete fish out of water. I don't want to give too many details, but I dislike the climate, and we are not financially that much better off, so possibly my frustration lies in that. Even though things were a bit tight in the UK, at least I felt comfortable, whereas there has been no financial leap and I am struggling to see the point. I know it's not all about money, but that's most people's motivation or starting point, correct me if I am wrong.

To anyone who went back home: do you think you made a mistake? Did you feel like you'd failed because of it, or were you just happy to be back?
You can regret not giving it a go, but what about regretting not going back, is it worth sticking it out to see if your perspective changes? I thought the hard part was deciding whether to go or not, but this is much harder.

OP posts:
giggly · 01/04/2014 16:58

Waves back at longdistance , my time here is coming to an end, I have decided that the benefits of living here in Perth don't come anywhere close enough for all that I gave up in the UK.
I get mighty sick of hearing expats slagging the UK but having just today paid $35 for a GP and $ 20 for cream for my dd, bring it on the NHS, as I'm Scottish we don't pay for prescriptions.
I can't wait to get back home, I want and need to be around my friends and family, despite making friends here it's like a false living, not quite "getting" each other.
Glad to hear it's going well for you. I'll be home in time for Christmas and a trip to the Panto, which the doc are most excited about.

giggly · 01/04/2014 16:59

"Dc"

noddyholder · 01/04/2014 17:40

Giggly thats what my friend said it feels like a 'surface' life no depth and they don't really get each other although she has met some lovely people

DrinkingWater · 01/04/2014 19:34

Qirshali where are you?
I could have written your post myself so reading replies with interest!

Longdistance · 01/04/2014 21:17

back at giggly I hope you have a smooth escape.

The healthcare really bugged me too. When I broke my leg, omg, the medical bills. We had Bupa, so we got money back, but it was really complicated to work out.

Anyway, I'm really happy to be home now. At least I've lived somewhere else in the world.

Qirshali · 02/04/2014 02:51

Longdistance, it's really great to hear you are happy to be back in the UK. Like someone else said earlier, I know the UK isn't perfect either, well nowhere is, and I know that having experienced my new life that there are even things from here that I will miss. You can't cherry pick the best ones from both unfortunately.
I do worry I will feel a failure if I give it all up...I wonder what makes a good expat, or a successful expat? There seem to be people out there who are happy flitting from one place to the other and soaking it all up, but I don't get it! I need to feel settled, which is what we had before we made this crazy move. Am I Mrs Boring? I don't know, this has at least made me question a lot of things and taught me a lot so that's a good thing.

OP posts:
mummytime · 02/04/2014 06:41

People are different.

Some people love the adventure and struggle to settle anywhere. Some easily follow their true love into the unknown. Some are home bodies and never travel very far from home if they can help it. Others travel when younger. some ...

People are meant to be like this. If some weren't more adventurous human beings would never have spread far from a rift valley in Africa; and certainly never have occupied all those islands in the Pacific.

Just think of the different kinds of holidays people have: some go to the same place every year, some go to similar places, some go "abroad" to some UK dominated place, some got "abroad" somewhere less conventional but still pretty "safe" (this is probably me); some go hiking in the Amazon or canoeing in Vietnam or...

The thing is you and your DH do need to discuss this, see if you are similar or different about this, and see what compromises you can come up with to make you both happy.

Longdistance · 02/04/2014 08:07

Qirshali your first few sentences mention you didn't want to emigrate! which is how I felt. I was pressurized into moving Angry so it really wasn't a good start. I felt like I had to make the effort, which I struggled with, as I didn't want to be there.

PinkLemons · 02/04/2014 08:13

What country are you in OP?

We moved to Dubai last August. DH lived here growing up so for him it's a bit like going home. I'm quite open minded and I think I've settled in well. I do have the odd day where I wonder if I can really stay here permanently though.

I felt far more settled once I had made some great friends, got DD settled in a school and got a car so I could get out and about.

It does take some time getting used to a new place though.

Mutley77 · 02/04/2014 08:52

I think you probably need to give it a bit longer if you want to give yourself a chance to like it / feel settled.

I moved here just over a year ago (13 months to be precise), heavily pregnant and knowing absolutely not a soul within 2000 miles.... And for the first six months I pretty much hated it and cried every day, then the second six months there were hints of enjoyment and tbh now I am pretty much happy and could see myself staying. But I'm not sure if we will - overall the UK probably has more for us.

I was in the same boat as you - basically came simply for my husband as I would never have chosen this. But for us it definitely wasn't all about money, it was about a different lifestyle and a chance to live in my husband's country of birth.

I definitely will never be a "typical ex-pat", happy to move wherever the next project is for my husband! We are either staying put or going "home". Either way I think I will be happy although tbh I do worry about going home now that I do feel settled here as overall there is a lot on offer here in terms of lifestyle that I will miss! I would absolutely NEVER EVER have believed I could feel like this even six months ago, and we did actually have a chance to go (would be leaving about now) and it was so hard to call, we decided to extend for another year and it was definitely the right decision for us. Even if we only stay another year at least I will have had a good year here rather than being really sad for a year, wanting to go back and then getting back (and perhaps it not being everything I wanted anyway!!)

pupsiecola · 02/04/2014 09:14

Terror it is so good to hear things are better for you. Well done :) I remember reading your original posts.

TerrorAustralis · 03/04/2014 01:10

Thanks pupsiecola. Things are definitely more settled now than in those early months.

TerrorAustralis · 03/04/2014 01:10

Thanks pupsiecola. Things are definitely more settled now than in those early months.

TerrorAustralis · 03/04/2014 01:10

Thanks pupsiecola. Things are definitely more settled now than in those early months.

cjdamoo · 03/04/2014 01:28

I moved from London to Nsw (not Sydney) in 2008. I hated it for the first 2.5 years. I would try and enjoy blue skys and the beach when actually I longed for greyness and the tube. It was just after Christmas 2010 when I realized I was actually having a life and enjoying myself. No one was more gob smacked than me when I had this moment of clarity right in the middle of a party. We have just had another change and moved more rural so will be interesting to see how that goes.

TerrorAustralis · 03/04/2014 11:28

Sorry for the triple post. That'll learn me for trying to post from my phone.

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