WHERE'S BEST TO LIVE IN NZ AND WHAT DO WE NEED TO KNOW:PART 3!!!!(HOLY SHIT!)

[AngryBeaver]

Can you believe we've finished finished off another thread? Jeez we can talk!!
Just an update..we've found a nice double glazed,4 bed house,with nice garden. So that's one stress off the last.
Hilongwhitecloud

I don't miss England/ (sorry the little one has pulled the frigging keys off the laptop) I miss my,friends,my family,nipping into m&s to buy kids vests and pj's and pretty dresses for dd. I miss the convenience of everything/ And I'm fucking cold in this fucking crappy fucking house/
I want my own house,so i can hang fucking pictures/
I want my christams baby

goes into problem solving mode

There's something up here called Parent Port, which basically helps out in an emergency. Is there something like that down near you so they could look after the kids & your Mum could go in with you? The local Plunket nmight know?

I know the staff will be very good and caring, but it's the sort of time it helps to have a loved one with you.

Sending you much love and strength AB xx

It's not that easy/
The littlest is beyond clingy,I mean he is a velcro baby.He would be beyond upset to be left with strangers,sometimes he won't even go to my dh or mum/
He won't be put down by anyone else (only if they walk with him in the buggy) and I am already really worrying about how they will cope when I am in hospital overnight

Have got the phone call today,they implied at 8/30 this am when I rand that I would be seen today and I would "not be out in the wilderness anymore". Well,since then I have had to chase them askig am I coming or not because I need to plan things around the children.
They have JUST rung back and told me I have to wait a whole.other.WEEK.
I am just appalled. 7 more days of being pregnant,being sick,feeling my baby...it seems unbearably cruel. I just can't believe they would leave me like this if we were in the UK. I think it would be all over by now and we could have started to heal as a family.

Oh god AB I'm so sorry they are treating you like this. I'm speechless.

Sending you lots of love and wishing there was something I could do.

Sorry AB, this is shit for you

What did your mw say when she heard this? It's appalling

She said there wasn't anything she could do. Also,she keeps laughing at odd times,really inappropriate (maybe nerves) but it's pissing me right off.Then I say something like "I just think this is so cruel,how can theydo this? It's inhumane" she just goes "aaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"???????? wtf?
She is no help at all.Just really dithery. I'm sure she is fine at catching babies,but anything off that path and she has no clue.
She did ask if I wanted her to come round I just said "no,I want to sit her in my pyjamas and for everyone to leave me alone" again,just the laughter. I justsaid bye and hung up.
My doc said she would try but didn't seem to think there was much she could do.
Mdwf impplied it was my fault for refusing the medical termination on Friday. She says I would have been in today otherwise,just don't believe her. She also said the thing about needed to find people willing to look after "someone like me" AGAIN!
Fucking torture would be better than this.
My mn friend (also a nurse and has been through the same) told me to say I fear for my mental health if this carries on for another week. I told her I was feeling panicky and hyperventilating (true) and she just did the "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww" thing again

I know nothing is really the right thing to say in such a sad situation but your MW is an idiot.

Try not to think too harshly of the medical system / NZ etc I had unprofessional treatment at times here in the UK when having my two babies, first time round I was kept in hospital 4 days before they would induce me I went 17 days over due but 'they were too busy to deal with me' so I sat in hospital fearing for the safety of my baby all because they were a bit understaffed. Second time around I was told I could chose elective c section or natural birth, after weeks and weeks of torment I decided elective only to be told they had changed policy and I'd have to go natural (which was actually a huge stress and upset). While neither of those really compare to what you are going through now at the time I ranted about the UK system etc and how it would never happen in NZ, all my NZ friends were shocked at the unprofessionalism. I think people are just people really and make mistakes and handle things poorly.

Do you have to keep dealing with that MW, can you get your obstetrics care transferred to your GP or even just a new MW to see things through?

I had a phone call earlier saying there had been a cancellation,so I have been in to take the tablet and will go back in 8 am thurs. I became so hysterical that the dr prescribed me valium for thurs.
Feel utterly exhausted,but at least the end is in sight

(thank you justabout,it came today xx)

Glad things are finally beginning to get sorted for you AB. I haven't stopped thinking about you x

AB- I so glad things are moving forward for you. It must be horribly difficult and I'm a bit lost for words.

Have you spoken to your GP about any support services available to try and help you process everything that has happened?

Thank you.
I am not really a "talking" to professonals kind of person (much happier to spill my guts anon on the net) I don't think I would feel comfortable tbh. They wanted me to talk to a social worker today but I just didn't want to. I just wanted to get in my car and bawl in private. I felt such a fucking wanker.I couldn't even hold it together until they took me to a room. As soon as she said "hello,are you AB?" I just nodded and started wailing. God I hate the lack of control and dignity.
I told them I would be alone on thurs and she said they would take extra special care of me.

I know what you mean AB. But this is a big deal for you to handle -is it worth giving it a try? You could ask the ladies on MN who have been through similar if it helped them?

I would hazard a guess you are not the first lady in this situation to bawl either. They will have seen every reaction before. Do what you need to do.

AB you said you are going to be alone on Thursday? Didn't your dh take the day off as you were going to be going to Auckland that day originally? Seems pretty tough to be on your own for it. Glad you got the cancellation.

I just don't see the point in talking,what is there to say? I'm devastated,I'm fucking enraged,I feel broken and like I'll never be fixed? I know they'll nod and say it's normal to feel like that and I'll feel better in time.
Dh told Mum he's worried I'll slip into depression and she said "she can't afford that luxury!She has too much responsibility" ok then,I don't think you get to pick,Mum.

Dh does want to come with me. But I want to be alone. I know it's hard to understand. but I don't want him to have this memory. I don't want us both to be scarred by it. I don't want to look into his eyes and know he is replaying it. I feel if it is only me that has to experience it,it will be easier to forget.
He is going to drop me off at the door and I will find my own way to the ward.
I just want to be alone with my misery

I suppose I talk a lot about the unimportant stuff (I can blether on about nothing, for hours!) not so much about the stuff inside. It makes me feel vulnerable,and I can't afford that at the moment.
But thank you,it is nice to know you will be thinking of me.

As hard as it is AB I'm glad things are moving forward AB. I have a fame member in Cambridge who would come with you if you wanted detached support? She is well travelled so def not a catholic hick ;) has 3 kids and on holiday right now.

Let me know if you'd like someone to actually hold your hand through the process xx

Blimey that post barely makes sense, fame = family member!

There's you 'blethering'....that's your Scottish nanna. I'm a bit like that..blether alot about crap and not really talk about the deeper stuff but I don't want to often. Not one to over think things and sometimes people think that's deficient in some way but what does it really achieve? My mum wants heavy, deep and meaningfuls about how we all feel about everything and it drives me bonkers.

So I'm so pleased you are sorted for this week. Take it it's Hamilton you're going to? Tell me to piss off but just a thought about DH being there and you not wanting him to remember it. My DH never really thought about the safety of my DC until they were here. Until then he was just totally focussed on me and how I was with everything as it's not very real to them. What does he want to do?

I'm so, so sorry you're having to go through this. I feel very upset about your situation and I can't adequately express my empathy. Try and focus on the weekend. This will all be over then and you can grieve at your own pace. Hopefully uyou can just get into bed with DS2 and sleep if he'll let you.

Blimey kiwidreamer,I'm sure your rellie would thank you for putting her up for that! Some holiday!
"How was NZ?"
"erm,well I accompanied a random to the hospital and watched her bang her head off the wall with grief and madness,so could have been better!"
Thank you,I know that was a genuine offer. I just don't want anyone to see this. I have an idea of what I will become and it's something no one should see.

lolly I thought you might pick up on that one. We'll have to have a wee blether one day.
Dh wants to come,of course he does. But...see above I can be very determined when I want to be