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Stage IV cancer? Incurable? Roll up, roll up, this thread is for you!

998 replies

mowly77 · 05/08/2023 17:46

I’m expecting tumbleweed. But I’ve jumped over from the lovely supportive threads I’ve been on for general cancer - latest one here-

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/general_health/4863468-cancer-support-thread-89-the-best-thread-that-no-one-wants-to-be-on?reply=128175880

to see if there’s any interest in a separate thread. I often feel like such a derailing buzzkill on the general cancer threads as there are so many shapes, sizes, flavours of cancer & so many different issues when you’re being treated to be cured as opposed to being treated palliatively.

And those of us unlucky enough to be incurable, and let’s face it, dead, sooner rather than later from this insidious disease, have our own concerns and darknesses. And admin. And hopefully some good days. Please, please let there be more good days.

Help, advice, dark humour and support are the aims. There are wonderful people on the cancer support threads & I often feel guilty for trauma-dumpling my tales of woe on it, to those dealing with their own, but different, bullshit.

Anyway —- come on in, the door is open. All I have to offer today are tales of woe about NHS incompetence & updates on the state of my bowels.

Here’s ‘my story’ - my bullshit story I wish wasn’t true but here we are. Please share yours if you would like.

estrogen+ BC diagnosed age 36, v aggressive, 3 tumours, 2 very large. Right mastectomy. No lymph node involvement. 5 miserable months of old school FEC poison. Then diagnosed BRCA2+. Left risk reducing mastectomy. Then crickets from the NHS. No one told me NED but indeed I had none. So for 11 years I love my life.

I give birth in 2018 to my DD, conceived via IVF, as my reproductive capabilities did not survive the FEC. Had my ovaries removed shortly after as per advice for BRCA2 patients . THEY DIDN’T BOTHER TO FURNISH ME WITH ANY ADVICE ABOUT HOW TO DEAL WITH SUDDEN SURGICAL MENOPAUSE WITH NO HRT THOUGH. And a baby in the mix! I’m still v cross about that.

Right when I wasn’t expecting it, when I thought I had ‘beaten’ the ten year survival rates (hahhhha, that fucker came back. After much faffing from utterly shitballs hospital trust finally diagnosed metastatic, stage 4, incurable, spread in my lungs, pleura and sternum. This was March 2022 when my daughter was 3.5

I’ve since had 15 rounds of Paclitaxel (first 3 months some shrinkage; last 3 months total failure, back where started) & then managed to get moved to Royal Marsden in London with great effort as my oncologist was so bad, so rude & she made my life a misery. I started on the ‘gentler’ regime of Palbociclib & Letrozole and whilst I was battling horrible side effects from those I had a 6 month run of clear scans and I was finally getting to grips with the treatment. Then the other shoe dropped and the bastard cancer is growing again. I’m still on Palbo & Letrozole while they test my blood for an enzyme that will determine if I can move on to Capecitabine. Which I’m terrified of! Better the devil you know.

In the meantime I’m in America with my family (who all live here) trying and failing to communicate with the NHS over email to see if I can fly home earlier than scheduled so they can see me quicker and get me on Cape asap because I’m really not doing well.

I can have a ‘good’ day if I’m dosed up to the eyeballs on Oramorph but it’s all quite exhausting & I’ve had to temporarily come off it to relieve my insane constipation and stomach issues. So now I’ve been on bed for two days. BUT it’s not all bad. I’ve been to see the Barbie since I’ve been here & been to the local pool with DD a few times & enjoyed sitting on the porch listening to the cicadas. It’s boiling hot too so am getting a break from the rain.

I’d love to hear your stories, tales of woes, worries, advice. Anything at all you want to say in this safe supportive space. There’s just so much in the mix for this stage of bastard cancer.

Page 3 | Cancer Support Thread 89 - the best thread that no one wants to be on. | Mumsnet

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GoldenDog1 · 23/02/2024 06:24

Good morning everyone.
Well I ended up having 4 teeth removed instead of the two I was expecting so I wasn't happy about that.
As they were an infection risk I understand why they had to come out though.
Safe to say I'm in quite a bit of discomfort this morning.
I think I already have dry socket despite following all the advice given to me so I will phone the dentist when it opens to try and get an emergency appointment just so that can be checked out and dealt with ASAP.

Regarding the Blue badge.
My oncology nurse filled out my form on a fast track.
I received a phone call a few days later for the £10 payment and received the Blue badge just a few days after that.

I hope you all manage to have a good day today especially if you have been struggling recently.

WrenNatsworthy · 23/02/2024 06:29

@SewingBees having a blue badge has changed my life, my sister in law has terrible arthritis and I nagged her for ages and she is so pleased she got it done now. Where I live the local library help people with filling in the forms as they process them at the same hub, so it does vary depending on where you live. Crossing fingers for swiftness.

I'm unexpectedly but very gratefully in hospital. I kept nearly passing out whenever I stood up or tried to go to the loo. GP sent paramedic who discovered my blood pressure was really low and dropped whenever I tried to exert myself.

What they discovered is that my haemoglobin level had dropped by the equivalent of '8 bags of blood' since my last blood test in January. A &E doc was incredulous I hadn't had any bloods before cyberknife. Hey ho.

Anyway I've had my first ever blood transfusions, 2 bags of blood last night and 2 more to come this morning.

My poor heart has been working so hard . They are now trying to discover the cause, with kidney mets probably being a factor. I honestly thought that yesterday morning was going to be the end.

Ward isn't too bad, mainly poorly old ladies with interesting snoring patterns!

WrenNatsworthy · 23/02/2024 06:33

Sorry @GoldenDog1 cross - posted. Huge, huge sympathies. I had one tooth out last year and it was so mediaeval. Having 4 must have been awful.

Keep doing the saltwater rinses it does help with the healing.

TwigTheWonderKid · 23/02/2024 06:51

Good morning all.

@GoldenDog1 that is a lot of teeth to have out. Hope you manage to keep the dry socket ant bay and everything heals swiftly for you.

@WrenNatsworthy goodness me, that sounds like a very eventful day. So glad they are treating you and hoping you get home soon, and get some good quality sleep.

I'm off to have my kidney stent replaced. Didn't sleep well last night and had to set alarm for 6am so I could have some coffee and toast before I'm nil by mouth from 7am. I'm on the afternoon list and I bet I'm last!

GoldenDog1 · 23/02/2024 06:52

WrenNatsworthy · 23/02/2024 06:33

Sorry @GoldenDog1 cross - posted. Huge, huge sympathies. I had one tooth out last year and it was so mediaeval. Having 4 must have been awful.

Keep doing the saltwater rinses it does help with the healing.

@WrenNatsworthy sorry to hear you have ended up in hospital but glad you are getting the treatment you need.
I spent the last half of last year mostly in hospital and as much as we don't like it we are sometimes grateful for it because it is the best place for us.

I think I'm a bit prone to dry socket as I've had it before.
I will call the dentist this morning rather than let it fester over the weekend when it will be harder to get an appointment.
It's usually a simple fix with a bit of medicated packing put into the empty socket and as I'm already on precautionary antibiotics hopefully that will be enough to keep any infection at bay.

Despite you being in hospital I hope you have a relaxing and comfortable day and you get home soon.

GoldenDog1 · 23/02/2024 06:53

@TwigTheWonderKid thank you and I hope your procedure goes well this afternoon and that you are not last on the list x

WrenNatsworthy · 23/02/2024 07:06

@TwigTheWonderKid sending sympzthies from my kidneys to yours, plus list bumping vibes.

I'll pray to the seagods, yee haww!

My cousin works at this hospital and even though she's having a couple of weeks off, she came to visit yesterday. She's worked here for years so it was like having my own private nurse before I got moved to the ward. People can be so kind.

Drinks rounds soon, the excitement on the ward is electric!

Iaspo · 23/02/2024 07:20

Morning all. Think I may have tried to join before, but my memory and emotions are all over the place at the moment so I’ll join in properly if that’s ok!

After months of tests and scans got my diagnosis last week. Stage 4 glioblastoma in multiple locations in my brain so surgical removal not an option. I have about 3 months left with no treatment. Treatment looking to be radiotherapy and chemo, so I’m hoping to start it asap. It’s a no - brainer for me (excuse awful pun) as I have 2 little girls aged 5 and 11 😥 I’ve asked about drugs trials, nothing at moment but I’ll keep asking! I am naturally an extremely stubborn person so I’m setting myself survival goals, as long as I am positive, have good quality of life and am still “me.” I want at least another 5 good years with my girls and my husband - more if I can get it!! I can hear myself saying internally “I’ll show you!” and also feel my stubborn side kicking in when doctors talk about prognosis. It’s really early days for me still, I still feel really angry and raw, but I’m going to channel everything into enjoying life and having as much good quality time with my family as possible.

hope everyone is doing ok? Talking about dentists, I have a dentist appointment this morning - I have really bad teeth and bits are always falling off them so I’m a really nervous patient. I’ve needed a lot of treatment in the past so hoping that doesn’t continue…..

Love to everyone and looking forward to getting to know you all xxx

Tilllly · 23/02/2024 08:00

@GoldenDog1 hope dentist can see you quickly - everything I've heard about dry socket fills me with horror.

@WrenNatsworthy bloody hell, you don't do things by halves, do you? How long will you be in? What are they doing apart from blood?

Tilllly · 23/02/2024 08:03

@Iaspo
Welcome- of course you can join but I'm bloody sorry you're here
Well, if you're going to get brain cancer, you might as well do it thoroughly ey? I hope the radio and chemo start asap; your attitude is amazing 💪🏻 and I think you'll feel better when something is being done to slow the fuckers down

SewingBees · 23/02/2024 08:17

@laspo Welcome, so sorry you find yourself here x

To everyone else going through it at the moment my thoughts are with you. Here's hoping for quick recoveries, short hospital stays and damp sockets (that sounds wrong!).

Tilllly · 23/02/2024 08:24

@SewingBees
Damp sockets 🤣🤣🤣

GoldenDog1 · 23/02/2024 08:29

@Iaspo I'm sorry you are having to join us here but I love your stubborn attitude.

@SewingBees damp sockets has actually made me laugh out loud so thanks for that 😁

TwigTheWonderKid · 23/02/2024 09:02

@Iaspo "welcome" to our thread, but so sorry you find yourself here. Loving your pun - we are pretty fond of black humour here on this thread. Lots of us have children (mine are older than yours at 15 and 18 but it's still crap) and totally understand that they are the main focus in all of this for us.

Good luck at the dentist. I'm sure you've been told it's really good to get your teeth sorted before you start chemo. Do you have any idea what kind of chemo you'll be having?

Pinchaperfect · 23/02/2024 12:28

Hi everyone,

I haven't been on here for a long time, in need of a whinge and maybe some advice. So, I have triple neg breast cancer, stage 4, mets to liver ( when i was re diagnosed last may ) chest wall and skin ( on left side mastectomy site) It spread to those two last end of September after being on Capciteabine for 20 weeks. I have been on Sactizumab since then, around 21 weeks. Beginning of December, my scan was great, everything had shrunk!

So this week Ive been told the cancer in my Skin has spread - i thought was a nasty looking rash but thought I'd best ring and tell them, they got me in to look at it, and that's when they told me this. My appointment with the oncologist has changed and is now on Wednesday, I had a ct this morning, which was scheduled anyway.

I had lots of lumps on the site and chest wall anyway, and before I started this treatment I had a lot of nerve pain, was on alot of painkillers, as soon as I started this treatment, the nerve pain went. Something similar started up around ten days ago, but felt different, obviously I know now its the skin mets.

My whinge is, the pain. its really not very f nice. Does anyone else happen to have the same? if so how are you or did you manage it? The discolouration and lumps go from where my boob was to nearly my tummy, and sort of a little round underneath my arm pit where a bra strap would be. Certain areas are throbbing, few stabby pains, but a lot of feeling like a burn, I think that's the way to describe it. I have strong co codamols and liquid morphine, which I'm trying not to take during the day as makes me sleepy, I'm just wondering is there something I can put on it? Or am I being stupid lol. Do I just take what I need to take? If I ring them up, well the emergency oncology number which we ring if we feel unwell, will they just tell me to take more of what I have?

Sorry for the epic post and the rambling, up until this point I've been quiet stoic and positive about everything, now Im just feel like, whats the point? I was told there was 5 treatments available to me, I have had two, they were hoping I was going to be on this one for a long time as had such a good response to it, so theres three left, and thats even if thats available to me seeing as I have had all this spread whilst on it.

Urghhhhhhh.

TwigTheWonderKid · 23/02/2024 12:52

Hi @Pinchaperfect sorry to hear your news.

Are you in contact with your local hospice? Because they are the experts in pain management. If you aren't, you absolutely don't have to be at death's door to use them. I was put in touch with mine in the summer and they sorted out my pain meds and liaised with the GP to organise them. They also check in with me every month to see how I am.

Pinchaperfect · 23/02/2024 13:07

@TwigTheWonderKid No I'm not as haven't needed to be, and didn't realise that tbh, Thanks I will look them up, I was trying to wait until Wednesday until I knew what was going to be happening next, but not sure I can.

Iaspo · 23/02/2024 13:26

Thanks for the welcome everyone just sorry it’s in these circumstances - yes brain tumour - GBM - I’ve never been one for doing things by halves!!

Hugs to those struggling with feelings re young children. I feel so incredibly guilty at what these bastard tumours are doing to my family even though I know it’s just really really shitty bad luck and nobody’s fault. I need to find a way of letting that go and being positive.

dentist appointment today went surprisingly well so I’ll take the positive from that!

just to share with you all what my username stands for. When I last changed it I was annoyed with my husband over something fairly minor - so it stands for I Am So Pissed Off. Rather apt in the present circumstances 🤣

love and hugs to all 😍

lucysmam · 23/02/2024 13:59

@SewingBees get some help with the PIP form! Seriously! A dept. of Macmillan did mine, I never laid eyes on it. Just gave my bank info & signed a form to consent to them submitting it on my behalf. It was one of the oncologists who suggested they did it rather than me!

Tilllly · 23/02/2024 14:08

@Pinchaperfect

I have made the style nerve pain, or at least they think it's nerve pain. I've cancer in the left lung and infected lymph nodes in the right and around the trachea, and these are inflamed and pushing on nerves. That is what they think anyway

So I am on 20 mg of slow release morphine morning and evening and then Oramorph as when is needed. (so basically every six hours, and I try to keep the doses as low as possible because the higher I go to sleepier I get). Mixed with this, I take paracetamol every six hours and to be honest it feels like the paracetamol does more good than either of the morphines

The lung nurse referred me to the hospice to the palliative care team - they rang me very quickly to make an appointment, but that isn't for another couple of weeks as they only had a few slots.

I also have a 24 hours emergency oncology team, I rang them about something else some weeks ago and they issued a prescription to the hospital pharmacy for me so I imagine they can issue you with the painkillers. But definitely get in with the hospice care team because they are the experts and can mess around with them until you get the right Combination of painkillers

The one thing I hang onto is a conversation I had with Doctor, who said, "there isn't any reason to be in pain, we've always got something else to try"

I am currently quite uncomfortable on my combination of morphine and paracetamol, that's only because I don't want to take a higher dose of the oramorph.

Tilllly · 23/02/2024 14:14

Tricky question for you

Where do you think Daisy's ball could be?

Stage IV cancer? Incurable? Roll up, roll up, this thread is for you!
lucysmam · 23/02/2024 14:24

🤣 has she lost it?

Tilllly · 23/02/2024 14:26

I retrieved it for her, and while I was stretched out getting it, she ragged my hair bobble out and has run away with it
#puppylife
#butterwouldntmelt

Stage IV cancer? Incurable? Roll up, roll up, this thread is for you!
lucysmam · 23/02/2024 14:29

Aw, she is beautiful 😊

Pinchaperfect · 23/02/2024 14:36

ahh she is so cute!

Thank you for the advice @Tilllly definatley sounds like i need to organise something like you have going on.