Please or to access all these features

Life-limiting illness

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Stage IV cancer? Incurable? Roll up, roll up, this thread is for you!

998 replies

mowly77 · 05/08/2023 17:46

I’m expecting tumbleweed. But I’ve jumped over from the lovely supportive threads I’ve been on for general cancer - latest one here-

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/general_health/4863468-cancer-support-thread-89-the-best-thread-that-no-one-wants-to-be-on?reply=128175880

to see if there’s any interest in a separate thread. I often feel like such a derailing buzzkill on the general cancer threads as there are so many shapes, sizes, flavours of cancer & so many different issues when you’re being treated to be cured as opposed to being treated palliatively.

And those of us unlucky enough to be incurable, and let’s face it, dead, sooner rather than later from this insidious disease, have our own concerns and darknesses. And admin. And hopefully some good days. Please, please let there be more good days.

Help, advice, dark humour and support are the aims. There are wonderful people on the cancer support threads & I often feel guilty for trauma-dumpling my tales of woe on it, to those dealing with their own, but different, bullshit.

Anyway —- come on in, the door is open. All I have to offer today are tales of woe about NHS incompetence & updates on the state of my bowels.

Here’s ‘my story’ - my bullshit story I wish wasn’t true but here we are. Please share yours if you would like.

estrogen+ BC diagnosed age 36, v aggressive, 3 tumours, 2 very large. Right mastectomy. No lymph node involvement. 5 miserable months of old school FEC poison. Then diagnosed BRCA2+. Left risk reducing mastectomy. Then crickets from the NHS. No one told me NED but indeed I had none. So for 11 years I love my life.

I give birth in 2018 to my DD, conceived via IVF, as my reproductive capabilities did not survive the FEC. Had my ovaries removed shortly after as per advice for BRCA2 patients . THEY DIDN’T BOTHER TO FURNISH ME WITH ANY ADVICE ABOUT HOW TO DEAL WITH SUDDEN SURGICAL MENOPAUSE WITH NO HRT THOUGH. And a baby in the mix! I’m still v cross about that.

Right when I wasn’t expecting it, when I thought I had ‘beaten’ the ten year survival rates (hahhhha, that fucker came back. After much faffing from utterly shitballs hospital trust finally diagnosed metastatic, stage 4, incurable, spread in my lungs, pleura and sternum. This was March 2022 when my daughter was 3.5

I’ve since had 15 rounds of Paclitaxel (first 3 months some shrinkage; last 3 months total failure, back where started) & then managed to get moved to Royal Marsden in London with great effort as my oncologist was so bad, so rude & she made my life a misery. I started on the ‘gentler’ regime of Palbociclib & Letrozole and whilst I was battling horrible side effects from those I had a 6 month run of clear scans and I was finally getting to grips with the treatment. Then the other shoe dropped and the bastard cancer is growing again. I’m still on Palbo & Letrozole while they test my blood for an enzyme that will determine if I can move on to Capecitabine. Which I’m terrified of! Better the devil you know.

In the meantime I’m in America with my family (who all live here) trying and failing to communicate with the NHS over email to see if I can fly home earlier than scheduled so they can see me quicker and get me on Cape asap because I’m really not doing well.

I can have a ‘good’ day if I’m dosed up to the eyeballs on Oramorph but it’s all quite exhausting & I’ve had to temporarily come off it to relieve my insane constipation and stomach issues. So now I’ve been on bed for two days. BUT it’s not all bad. I’ve been to see the Barbie since I’ve been here & been to the local pool with DD a few times & enjoyed sitting on the porch listening to the cicadas. It’s boiling hot too so am getting a break from the rain.

I’d love to hear your stories, tales of woes, worries, advice. Anything at all you want to say in this safe supportive space. There’s just so much in the mix for this stage of bastard cancer.

Page 3 | Cancer Support Thread 89 - the best thread that no one wants to be on. | Mumsnet

New page

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/general_health/4863468-cancer-support-thread-89-the-best-thread-that-no-one-wants-to-be-on?reply=128175880

OP posts:
Thread gallery
45
SewingBees · 30/01/2024 22:40

@balkanscot I'll stick with you on your shitty shipwreck. I'd offer to swab the decks but I've got a bad back. Perhaps I could mend the holes in the sails.

Can we be pirates?

balkanscot · 30/01/2024 23:05

@SewingBees Deal! You can also be the chief rum provider. To hell with my liver! I can’t remember which character was permanently welded to rum casks in the Pirates of the Carribean.

Jack Sparrow or Will Turner? Take your pick.

SewingBees · 30/01/2024 23:29

Can I be Sarah Sharpe? It was Jack Sparrow who was most fond of rum so you'll have to be him. I've never been to the Caribbean. Exciting!

Stage IV cancer? Incurable? Roll up, roll up, this thread is for you!
WrenNatsworthy · 31/01/2024 00:30

Where has all the rum gone..?

Tilllly · 31/01/2024 04:42

WrenNatsworthy · 30/01/2024 22:20

I wish you could have Delcath / Chemosaturation like I did @balkanscot , the liver mets are still not growing in me, despite the stuff everywhere else. Could you? We had to fundraise for it. Sorry if that's unhelpful.

@TwigTheWonderKid more power to your elbow, we're not giving up.

A nice young man from the Queen Elizabeth cyberknife team called me today. There is only one brain met. It's currently 9mm and they can do something. I'm seeing them on Monday.
I have to have another MRI because the one I had a week ago will be out of date - how crazy is that? It must be so they can programme the robotic part correctly (technical wizard speak). He said the MRi and the treatment will be really close together.

I had my gamma knife appt yesterday and am going in on 8th. (He wanted me in tomorrow but I refused- we're going away and I'm not cancelling another trip)

I did find out difference btwn gamma and cyber knife. Cyber is newer and more advanced, you don't need the head frame and the angles of treatment are much wider so less damage to healthy brain tissue
It can also treat tumours elsewhere whereas gamma is just brain

He also said anything under 3cm is tiny.... well try it in your brain and let me know if it feels tiny

I'm having MRI on day also. They said it's standard to get most up to date image for the gamma knife - even a half mm growth changes the positioning. But can also pick up any new emerging bastards. (That wasn't their exact word)

Hope that's cleared up some queries!

Tilllly · 31/01/2024 04:45

@balkanscot
Let us know how phone call goes. This is such a bloody nightmare for you

A friend in Australia is having similar issues - plus every side effect going

TwigTheWonderKid · 31/01/2024 08:51

Can I join you on board if I bring my own rum? Need to sail away from all the people who keep telling me how well I look before I start punching them...

SewingBees · 31/01/2024 10:46

@TwigTheWonderKid Very happy for you to join us. Think how well you'll look with a Caribbean tan 😉

TwigTheWonderKid · 31/01/2024 13:04

SewingBees · 31/01/2024 10:46

@TwigTheWonderKid Very happy for you to join us. Think how well you'll look with a Caribbean tan 😉

😂
Shall I bring the cat too?

SewingBees · 31/01/2024 14:15

Is it a good ratter?

TwigTheWonderKid · 31/01/2024 15:44

No @SewingBees utterly rubbish, though very good at catching flies and cuddles.

Tilllly · 31/01/2024 22:37

Always bring the cat

balkanscot · 31/01/2024 23:06

I am seeing my oncologist this Friday at 13:00. Apparently there is a plan which, with any luck, will resume again next Tuesday. We’ll see. Bringing in my sister in law for moral support. As an extra pair of ears. I am usually an insane wreck any time I see the oncologist that I don’t hear half of what she is saying. I just go into a jibbering wreck mode straight away.

Got flushed cheeks today from all the steroids yesterday. Didn’t neck any Piriton today, I just let it be. Can’t be arsed with every side efffct anymore.

I see the rum is freely flowing and tans are-a-getttin’ -fabulous! Keep it coming. Even though due to my lovely liver I can only partake in some disgusting fakery of rum. One day, my mateys!

And a cat - we’ll take it on board regardless.

Tilllly · 01/02/2024 04:57

What disgusting fakery of rum?

Clean co do lovely 0% gin, they also do rum and vodka which I've not had but shld be good going by the gin

TwigTheWonderKid · 02/02/2024 16:02

@balkanscot how was your oncologist appointment and what's the new plan?

WrenNatsworthy · 02/02/2024 16:09

Glad you've got a date @Tilllly . I'm going to a 'look good feel better' make- up thing that day at my local hospital, so I won't forget, and I can send good vibes. Have any of you done it? Apparently you get given lots of free make - up.

I've been a stroppy bitch about not being able to drive this week. I've always wanted a pony. I might get one instead.

@balkanscot I'm glad there is a plan. Taking a friend with you is always a good idea, I'm exactly the same with forgetting stuff and getting flustered.

My MRI appointment has now been arranged, so I'll have the scan then see the consultant straight after, on Monday. I guess then I'll get the cyberknife date, it could be any day.

I'll bring my cats aboard ship, but not the pony. And lashings of ginger beer for those who can't partake in the rum.

Tilllly · 02/02/2024 17:06

We're having a few days in the Cotswolds and it's so frustrating with DH driving everywhere, IN MY CAR

balkanscot · 02/02/2024 21:43

@Tilllly I have to have all the fakery/mockery as I don’t dare mess with my liver. I had a 0% beer tonight - they didn’t have my fave Perroni, so it tasted like piss. Damn, the days of CAMRA festivals are well & truly over.

@WrenNatsworthy Good that the MRI has been arranged and that cyberknife date is getting arranged.

As I was hoping for the oncologist has put me on nab Paclitaxel (Abraxane), due to start on Tuesday. Once every 3 weeks is the schedule. I also have to have stitches taken out of the portacath and neck. And my wig has arrived at the salon - picking it up on Wednesday, woo-hoo! Better be prepared for when the shedding starts.

I am also looking into attending “Look Good, Feel Better” course. The only snag is that it is always at 14:00 at my local Maggie’s Centre, which is not that convenient school-wise. I like to be at home when DS comes back, it makes him feel secure rather than wondering where I am. He knows about my “new medicine” that is so special that I can only get it in the hospital. Poor thing, he wants to come and see the ward but of course, children are no allowed. Maybe if he just peers through the glass window may set his mind at rest - I’ll have a word with staff.

I have no pets that can be deployed on board but I can bring fresh pastries aboard the ship - a new bakery has opened near my place recent and I have been partaking in sampling every single item. I justify it by saying I need to build myself up before the IV chemo starts.

Tilllly · 03/02/2024 02:45

@balkanscot

Have you tried this?

clean.co/collections/shop/products/cleanr-non-alcoholic

I like their gin. Haven't tried any others cos I don't much like other spirits. I have had a few wines this week, more in temper but I really should knock it on the head - lung cancer spreads to the liver and it's already meandered into my brain

How old is DS? He shld definitely see where you'll be, it makes a massive difference. I'd always sort my teams children coming in for a visit so they could see where mummy works, and I think it's the same sort of thing

TwigTheWonderKid · 03/02/2024 10:29

@balkanscot that's good news. Christ, do you remember the days when "good news" meant something actually nice was going to happen...

I can't remember how old your DS though I know he's younger than my two. I took them into my chemo unit before Christmas when I was having the PICC line flushed. The staff were, as ever, so lovely and accommodating. I think it's important that he sees it but obviously the people receiving treatment may be uncomfortable with children on the ward. Maybe you can talk to the staff and arrange to pop in at a time when it's quiet?

TwigTheWonderKid · 03/02/2024 10:30

Does anyone else lie awake compiling a list of things they know they'll never be able to do again?

SewingBees · 03/02/2024 11:28

@TwigTheWonderKid A variation on that theme. I make lists of things I need to do before I die. I end up caught in a loop wondering whether I should close down my Facebook profile before I die or make sure my husband has the password so he can do it afterwards. Like I don't have more important things to worry about 🙄.

lucysmam · 03/02/2024 11:33

@TwigTheWonderKid yep! I'm conscious of moving the bit of money I have, myself. & writing down passwords so they can be used to shut down accounts. Not important in the grand scheme of things but feels like something.

TwigTheWonderKid · 03/02/2024 13:04

Maybe we should compile a spreadsheet of practical stuff to do before we die? Then we can share our collective wisdom?

@SewingBees I think I'm going to leave my FB page. I have a friend who died unexpectedly a few years ago and I go to his page when I'm thinking about/ missing him and other people still post messages on it. It's rather lovely.

SewingBees · 03/02/2024 14:50

@TwigTheWonderKid That sounds lovely about your friend, a nice way to memorialise him. I'm not sure that would happen on my page though - very few friends use Facebook any more, and I use it only to find out about stuff going on locally and at my daughter's school.

It does seem a ridiculous thing to get my knickers in a twist about though!