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Stage IV cancer? Incurable? Roll up, roll up, this thread is for you!

998 replies

mowly77 · 05/08/2023 17:46

I’m expecting tumbleweed. But I’ve jumped over from the lovely supportive threads I’ve been on for general cancer - latest one here-

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/general_health/4863468-cancer-support-thread-89-the-best-thread-that-no-one-wants-to-be-on?reply=128175880

to see if there’s any interest in a separate thread. I often feel like such a derailing buzzkill on the general cancer threads as there are so many shapes, sizes, flavours of cancer & so many different issues when you’re being treated to be cured as opposed to being treated palliatively.

And those of us unlucky enough to be incurable, and let’s face it, dead, sooner rather than later from this insidious disease, have our own concerns and darknesses. And admin. And hopefully some good days. Please, please let there be more good days.

Help, advice, dark humour and support are the aims. There are wonderful people on the cancer support threads & I often feel guilty for trauma-dumpling my tales of woe on it, to those dealing with their own, but different, bullshit.

Anyway —- come on in, the door is open. All I have to offer today are tales of woe about NHS incompetence & updates on the state of my bowels.

Here’s ‘my story’ - my bullshit story I wish wasn’t true but here we are. Please share yours if you would like.

estrogen+ BC diagnosed age 36, v aggressive, 3 tumours, 2 very large. Right mastectomy. No lymph node involvement. 5 miserable months of old school FEC poison. Then diagnosed BRCA2+. Left risk reducing mastectomy. Then crickets from the NHS. No one told me NED but indeed I had none. So for 11 years I love my life.

I give birth in 2018 to my DD, conceived via IVF, as my reproductive capabilities did not survive the FEC. Had my ovaries removed shortly after as per advice for BRCA2 patients . THEY DIDN’T BOTHER TO FURNISH ME WITH ANY ADVICE ABOUT HOW TO DEAL WITH SUDDEN SURGICAL MENOPAUSE WITH NO HRT THOUGH. And a baby in the mix! I’m still v cross about that.

Right when I wasn’t expecting it, when I thought I had ‘beaten’ the ten year survival rates (hahhhha, that fucker came back. After much faffing from utterly shitballs hospital trust finally diagnosed metastatic, stage 4, incurable, spread in my lungs, pleura and sternum. This was March 2022 when my daughter was 3.5

I’ve since had 15 rounds of Paclitaxel (first 3 months some shrinkage; last 3 months total failure, back where started) & then managed to get moved to Royal Marsden in London with great effort as my oncologist was so bad, so rude & she made my life a misery. I started on the ‘gentler’ regime of Palbociclib & Letrozole and whilst I was battling horrible side effects from those I had a 6 month run of clear scans and I was finally getting to grips with the treatment. Then the other shoe dropped and the bastard cancer is growing again. I’m still on Palbo & Letrozole while they test my blood for an enzyme that will determine if I can move on to Capecitabine. Which I’m terrified of! Better the devil you know.

In the meantime I’m in America with my family (who all live here) trying and failing to communicate with the NHS over email to see if I can fly home earlier than scheduled so they can see me quicker and get me on Cape asap because I’m really not doing well.

I can have a ‘good’ day if I’m dosed up to the eyeballs on Oramorph but it’s all quite exhausting & I’ve had to temporarily come off it to relieve my insane constipation and stomach issues. So now I’ve been on bed for two days. BUT it’s not all bad. I’ve been to see the Barbie since I’ve been here & been to the local pool with DD a few times & enjoyed sitting on the porch listening to the cicadas. It’s boiling hot too so am getting a break from the rain.

I’d love to hear your stories, tales of woes, worries, advice. Anything at all you want to say in this safe supportive space. There’s just so much in the mix for this stage of bastard cancer.

Page 3 | Cancer Support Thread 89 - the best thread that no one wants to be on. | Mumsnet

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balkanscot · 29/01/2024 14:26

I am going in again to try the slow flow Paclitaxel tomorrow at 9 am. Petrified beyond belief. If it doesn’t work out they will need to speak to a doctor about what alternative drug they can give me. But it won’t be on the same day. Which means another few days delay. It messes up with my head - I just want this fucker nuked and blasted as much as possible.

lucysmam · 29/01/2024 14:32

Fingers crossed slowing it down does the trick @balkanscot ! There were a few people had reactions while I was having chemo & theirs was done over hours. One of the nurses once tried to hook me up for five hours!

I'm just waiting for my dad to pick me up to head to the dental hospital, & wondering whether an app I need for work will scan a photo of a qr code - not sure how to scan it on here when it opens on here iyswim 🤔

lucysmam · 29/01/2024 16:53

Fuck me fucking sideways the NHS is doing my nut in (sorry, very pissed off right now - I know it's not all bad really). 🙄

All the way for their own dentist to decide whether she can take the tooth out & book me on another date to have it out. Despite her already having my notes & being able to see that I'd been told to stop the Abemaciclib for a week beforehand so it could come out today ffs!

So now I'll have not taken it for 3 weeks, instead of 2 when they actually take it out at the end of next month.

I've asked for a call back from the manager to make a complaint - it really needs to be made clear what appointments are for. Especially if people need to stop certain meds/be covered at work or whatever else. The nurse was very apologetic but that doesn't really help now I've stopped the Abemaciclib for a week & been covered at work, and will need to do it all again in Feb.

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Am about to pour restorative wine and think about tea! 🍷

On the upside - my dad's taking me out for brekky tomorrow morning!

lucysmam · 29/01/2024 17:00

I meant that post for the other thread too 🙄🙄🙄

TwigTheWonderKid · 29/01/2024 18:06

Bugger, bugger bugger. I innocently skipped along the Marsden unit at Kingston to get my PICC line flushed this afternoon. As I am checking, in the oncologist greets me then drops the bombshell that I have been turned down for the surgery at Basingstoke. In the fucking corridor FFS without my husband there or anything.

The chemo nurses doing my flush and dressing were so, so lovely and then made my cry with their utter loveliness and compassion. And then I had to go home and tell DH.

SummerCycling · 29/01/2024 18:12

@TwigTheWonderKid

I'm so, so very sorry to hear that. I'm also actually speechless really to read how the oncologist decided to let you know.

I wish so incredibly hard that I could change their decision about your surgery. I am in tears about your news, it's so unfair.

Did the oncologist say what the plan is now? Thank goodness for the chemo nurses at least.

SewingBees · 29/01/2024 18:15

@TwigTheWonderKid Oh no, that's bad news and dreadful you were told that way xx You do wonder sometimes what these medical 'professionals' have going on in their heads. How can your oncologist not realise that's a conversation to be had in private and when you know that you're going to be hearing that decision.

My breast care nurse told me over the phone, when I was in the middle of a very important work meeting, that my bc tumour analysis showed I should have chemo (after being told I most likely wouldn't need it). I was about to give a presentation. I was absolutely furious and told her so later that day. She was apologetic but it wasn't sincere.

I'm so sorry you haven't got the news you'd hoped for. I too have found the oncology nurses to be uncommonly kind and empathetic and furious on my behalf when someone else fucks up.

Tilllly · 29/01/2024 18:20

@balkanscot
What about trying a short break - 4 nights in Barcelona or Prague or something
Break it in gently

Tilllly · 29/01/2024 18:23

FUCK FUCK FUCK @TwigTheWonderKid

Can you appeal?

Get the rationale from them and then complain to your MP. You've nothing to lose

Fucks sake, the utter wankpuffins

lucysmam · 29/01/2024 18:27

Ffs @TwigTheWonderKid there is absolutely no excuse for delivering shitty news in a fucking corridor. That's utterly awful. No fucking thought for the human being going through this shit show!

I am beyond pissed on your behalf & for myself, tonight.

Lots of fucks going on!

balkanscot · 29/01/2024 18:45

@TwigTheWonderKid Some consultants should go back to school re: empathy and relationship with patients. It is unbelievable how for some you are just a statistic that they get paid for and that’s all they care about, not the patient and how certain news may affect them. I hope there is some kind of plan forward, anything.

@Tilllly I may think about that once this bugger gets under some kind of control.

@SewingBees I was delivered the news re: being BRCA2 positive while at work. A day before my lumpectomy surgery. I will never know how I got through the day knowing that I have been failed by my own genetic make up.

@lucysmam Any idea why the tooth couldn’t have come out today? Bloody hell.

I am just hoping they won’t dispatch me from the ward tomorrow with nothing done. Bloods must have been OK since they haven’t phoned me back. I am literally quivering at the thought of having to have Paclitaxel but on the other hand, I want to do everything possible, however poisonous, to slow down my certain death.

lucysmam · 29/01/2024 19:42

Apparently it should have been in the letter that it was to assess whether they could do it. It was not in the letter. She didn't even look. Could have been a phone call rather than "dad's taxi" for nothing useful 🙄

TwigTheWonderKid · 29/01/2024 21:09

I am drinking a lot of gin this evening..This will not end well.

Tilllly · 29/01/2024 21:27

TwigTheWonderKid · 29/01/2024 21:09

I am drinking a lot of gin this evening..This will not end well.

Perfectly reasonable

Tbh, I've got a big glass of wine on the go for you

TwigTheWonderKid · 29/01/2024 21:44

@Tilllly thami.

I bet you're choking it down; so selfless of you Tillly, I'm so grateful to you

😘

Tilllly · 29/01/2024 21:48

It's hell but I can't let you go thru it alone

TwigTheWonderKid · 29/01/2024 22:42

Babe, you're the best

WrenNatsworthy · 30/01/2024 01:05

Oh @TwigTheWonderKid that is bastard unfair. I am so very sorry and also cross as well. How dare they tell you that in a corridor?
I bet your DH is fuming like mine was when I opened that bloody letter. Hope he has been giving you endless cuddles.
I agree with Tilllly, MP all the way. I really am sorry.

@balkanscot I am sending you a icy cold fan vibes- you can have a man with a fan if you like?

@Tilllly I have had several strops about not driving but I did get a train to Birmingham last Weds for a concert, and it was ok. I wore my fitbit and congratulated myself on my walking.

Still not heard from the QE re cyberknife but DS turned 16 yesterday and we had a lovely weekend celebrating with close friends and family. So that's something good.

goingcommando · 30/01/2024 03:30

@TwigTheWonderKid that is disgusting. I can't believe they told you like that.

You are entitled to ask the Christie to have a look at your scans. I could pm you the number for the prof's secretary?

balkanscot · 30/01/2024 12:44

Same thing again - allergic reaction even during slow slow. So they need to speak to the consultant to see the next step. Fuckety fuck!

TwigTheWonderKid · 30/01/2024 14:30

@balkanscot when that happened to me on Oxalyplatin they reduced the dose by 20% and I never had another reaction. Fingers crossed it's that simple for you.

TwigTheWonderKid · 30/01/2024 14:31

goingcommando · 30/01/2024 03:30

@TwigTheWonderKid that is disgusting. I can't believe they told you like that.

You are entitled to ask the Christie to have a look at your scans. I could pm you the number for the prof's secretary?

Thanks @goingcommando I'm going to wait until I have my consultant appointment and will ask her to do that.

balkanscot · 30/01/2024 21:33

@TwigTheWonderKid I hope it is simple enough like this. I am just going out of my mind with worry and what the consultant’s next step will be. The nurses told me there is nab Paclitaxel (Abraxane) that is far better tolerated. And more expensive. But they couldn’t guarantee I wouldn’t suffer an allergic reaction on it either. Apparently, if you tolerate docetaxel (which I did, in combo with carboplatin) you should tolerate Paclitaxel as well. Of course, I have to be the weird one.

I am going to phone the nurses again tomorrow, just to be on their tails, to make sure the email has gone out to my consultant. She holds a clinic on Fridays and the advanced nurse practitioner did say the consultant may want to see me instead of phoning me.

I am just so desperate for something inside of me that will work.

WrenNatsworthy · 30/01/2024 22:20

I wish you could have Delcath / Chemosaturation like I did @balkanscot , the liver mets are still not growing in me, despite the stuff everywhere else. Could you? We had to fundraise for it. Sorry if that's unhelpful.

@TwigTheWonderKid more power to your elbow, we're not giving up.

A nice young man from the Queen Elizabeth cyberknife team called me today. There is only one brain met. It's currently 9mm and they can do something. I'm seeing them on Monday.
I have to have another MRI because the one I had a week ago will be out of date - how crazy is that? It must be so they can programme the robotic part correctly (technical wizard speak). He said the MRi and the treatment will be really close together.

balkanscot · 30/01/2024 22:37

@WrenNatsworthy Glad you got the positive news re m: treatment of you brain met. I hope the cyberknife does the trick.

Thank you for mentioning chemosaturation. After a brief Googling it seems to be only for secondaries through the ocular melanoma and similar (also primary liver cancer), so sadly I don’t think I would be eligible with the secondary breast cancer. And I can see why you had to fundraise for it, after seeing the cost of 1 cycle of treatment. I am in Scotland so it would be the Scottish Medical Consortium rather than NICE who would approve it but couldn’t find anything on their website.

I just feel in such an awful bubble, like I am the only one on board this shitty shipwreck.