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Stage IV cancer? Incurable? Roll up, roll up, this thread is for you!

998 replies

mowly77 · 05/08/2023 17:46

I’m expecting tumbleweed. But I’ve jumped over from the lovely supportive threads I’ve been on for general cancer - latest one here-

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/general_health/4863468-cancer-support-thread-89-the-best-thread-that-no-one-wants-to-be-on?reply=128175880

to see if there’s any interest in a separate thread. I often feel like such a derailing buzzkill on the general cancer threads as there are so many shapes, sizes, flavours of cancer & so many different issues when you’re being treated to be cured as opposed to being treated palliatively.

And those of us unlucky enough to be incurable, and let’s face it, dead, sooner rather than later from this insidious disease, have our own concerns and darknesses. And admin. And hopefully some good days. Please, please let there be more good days.

Help, advice, dark humour and support are the aims. There are wonderful people on the cancer support threads & I often feel guilty for trauma-dumpling my tales of woe on it, to those dealing with their own, but different, bullshit.

Anyway —- come on in, the door is open. All I have to offer today are tales of woe about NHS incompetence & updates on the state of my bowels.

Here’s ‘my story’ - my bullshit story I wish wasn’t true but here we are. Please share yours if you would like.

estrogen+ BC diagnosed age 36, v aggressive, 3 tumours, 2 very large. Right mastectomy. No lymph node involvement. 5 miserable months of old school FEC poison. Then diagnosed BRCA2+. Left risk reducing mastectomy. Then crickets from the NHS. No one told me NED but indeed I had none. So for 11 years I love my life.

I give birth in 2018 to my DD, conceived via IVF, as my reproductive capabilities did not survive the FEC. Had my ovaries removed shortly after as per advice for BRCA2 patients . THEY DIDN’T BOTHER TO FURNISH ME WITH ANY ADVICE ABOUT HOW TO DEAL WITH SUDDEN SURGICAL MENOPAUSE WITH NO HRT THOUGH. And a baby in the mix! I’m still v cross about that.

Right when I wasn’t expecting it, when I thought I had ‘beaten’ the ten year survival rates (hahhhha, that fucker came back. After much faffing from utterly shitballs hospital trust finally diagnosed metastatic, stage 4, incurable, spread in my lungs, pleura and sternum. This was March 2022 when my daughter was 3.5

I’ve since had 15 rounds of Paclitaxel (first 3 months some shrinkage; last 3 months total failure, back where started) & then managed to get moved to Royal Marsden in London with great effort as my oncologist was so bad, so rude & she made my life a misery. I started on the ‘gentler’ regime of Palbociclib & Letrozole and whilst I was battling horrible side effects from those I had a 6 month run of clear scans and I was finally getting to grips with the treatment. Then the other shoe dropped and the bastard cancer is growing again. I’m still on Palbo & Letrozole while they test my blood for an enzyme that will determine if I can move on to Capecitabine. Which I’m terrified of! Better the devil you know.

In the meantime I’m in America with my family (who all live here) trying and failing to communicate with the NHS over email to see if I can fly home earlier than scheduled so they can see me quicker and get me on Cape asap because I’m really not doing well.

I can have a ‘good’ day if I’m dosed up to the eyeballs on Oramorph but it’s all quite exhausting & I’ve had to temporarily come off it to relieve my insane constipation and stomach issues. So now I’ve been on bed for two days. BUT it’s not all bad. I’ve been to see the Barbie since I’ve been here & been to the local pool with DD a few times & enjoyed sitting on the porch listening to the cicadas. It’s boiling hot too so am getting a break from the rain.

I’d love to hear your stories, tales of woes, worries, advice. Anything at all you want to say in this safe supportive space. There’s just so much in the mix for this stage of bastard cancer.

Page 3 | Cancer Support Thread 89 - the best thread that no one wants to be on. | Mumsnet

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45
Tilllly · 19/12/2023 09:45

@LuciaPillson
My baking isn't usually great 😁

Tilllly · 19/12/2023 09:46

Aww @TwigTheWonderKid , that's a great gift

LuciaPillson · 19/12/2023 10:20

@TwigTheWonderKid Oh Happy (belated) Birthday! So impressed you can gather enough friends to have to use both fingers and toes to count them! 🍰🎈✨💐🌺🥂🍨 Must be nice to have DS1 around!

All your celebrations/outings sound lovely. Am looking at the Dennis Severs house and wondering what the difference is between a "relaxed viewing" and a "silent tour" but "staggered entry" is something I feel I could manage. 😁 Oh ok, have found the page where this is explained. I love the idea of silence in theory (always wish for quiet in art galleries instead of listening to guides screeching to groups of people about the artist's sprained ankle in 1934 and how it impacted her vision), but I'd be the one kicked out for whispering something most likely (apparently DS was always kicking people off his tours, for not appreciating his vision or even for being a Guardian reader). Photos are just lovely though! Imagine the fun of putting those Christmas decorations together. Am inspired to get out my antique doll and oldest looking bear and create a more old fashioned bit of Christmas display. I love the idea of a mad American arriving in London and creating a historical folly of sorts, bit like those folk who decorate and dress all out of the 1940s, the kind of thing few people could have the energy for or stick to but it does look like fun. Found a really interesting collection of memories from people that knew him. Oh gosh antiques by day but sex dungeons by night! I bet they don't put that on the tour.

Will MIL behave when she arrives? Is she a nice sort of MIL, or can she be tamed by stroking her nose while offering treats?

Silkiebunny · 20/12/2023 15:37

Woolly hug thread has just gone up for Mowly Sending love to everyone.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4967140-woolly-hugs-sad-news-we-are-afraid-making-a-blanket-for-lovely-mowly77s-family?reply=131587729

TwigTheWonderKid · 20/12/2023 16:41

Thanks for letting us know @Silkiebunny though your name changes are confusing me ( it doesn't take much)

Oxaliplatin yesterday so back to holing up in bed to avoid the cold, though I have almost finished my Christmas shopping online. I'm sure I have spent about a bazillion times more money doing this way rather than going to actual shops 😭

Mother in law is fairly tame, in fact a bit too much @LuciaPillson She won't ever express and opinion which is very frustrating when deciding what to have for dinner and she talks non stop about utter drivel. But she is very kind, which almost makes up for it...

Silkiebunny · 20/12/2023 16:45

Yes its odd it doesn't change everywhere. Our rabbit died though and didn't really want reminding of it in the name.

HerbalRefreshmentt · 21/12/2023 12:58

Hello all, just checking in after a few weeks away from the thread. Currently on a short three day break in the French Alps with hubs as our Christmas gift to ourselves. We don't have kids and weren't feeling decoration or gifts this year, so this was the compromise since we couldn't go in summer. Still dragging my unworking leg around but we made it and its been a nice trip (even if it could have been more enjoyable with two working legs).

We head home tonight and I'm excited to get back to my own bed, pillow arrangement, and ice packs. I brought thr heating pad with me but its not the same when you need to get inflammation down at 3 am! Going to have work with oncology/PT in January to get this leg ironed out once and for all, I think there may be a compressed nerve or tear somewhere.

I hope everyone can find a way to enjoy thr season even if facing challenges!

Tilllly · 21/12/2023 22:10

Sounds like a Christmassy break @HerbalRefreshmentt

I hope your limbs all behave and your drinking arm is strong!

TwigTheWonderKid · 23/12/2023 09:39

Just checking in with you all. How is everyone doing?

Started round 7 on Tuesday and I don't know if it's the buzz of Christmas or DS1 being home but apart from pretty bad neuropathy I've been feeling ok this week and been out of bed, which is great.

Have totally gone overboard on gifts for my boys; a mixture of wanting to compensate for this shit show plus the dangers of middle of the night online shopping. Am now totally skint but nevermind.

My poor friend who was treated for triple neg BC last year is in the Marsden with an awful infection because of her implant. She's had two surgeries this week and I've got everything crossed for her that she will be discharged for Christmas as she has really young children 😥

Tilllly · 23/12/2023 22:21

I hope so @TwigTheWonderKid
I think they try to get people home for Santa if at all possible

I'm in a grump
I've been feeling good cos I've neither infection nor vomiting from this round of chemo / immuno

Instead I've got heartburn, constipation and now am very itchy

It's annoying

RedRosesPinkLilies · 23/12/2023 22:29

It’s not allergy @Tilllly ? Have you taken anti histamine?

Tilllly · 23/12/2023 22:41

RedRosesPinkLilies · 23/12/2023 22:29

It’s not allergy @Tilllly ? Have you taken anti histamine?

No but I think I'm going to if it doesn't settle

All the treatment info says ring oncology with skin itching or rashes, but it's not 10am on a Wednesday morning is it?!
I'm not ringing them this side of Boxing Day

RedRosesPinkLilies · 23/12/2023 23:21

Definitely take it, and if it works keep taking it. I would call them - if it’s an allergic reaction it might just be adding in oral steroids to nip it in the bud.
Better to phone them early than late - they won’t want to get you in hospital either, not at Christmas- but they might be able to help you.
Hope it gets sorted xx

Tilllly · 23/12/2023 23:33

Thanks @RedRosesPinkLilies
I think I will

Just finished steroids yesterday so maybe that's why it's started now

If antihistamine doesn't work, will ring in the morning- it's just they're shared over bh and the oncology dept is a good hours drive away... if it weren't Cmas, it'd be 15-20m

RedRosesPinkLilies · 24/12/2023 23:35

@Tilllly - sorry - been busy
How are you? X

Tilllly · 25/12/2023 02:26

@RedRosesPinkLilies
Busy?
Busy doing what? 😂

I'm ok thanks - had a couple of lukewarm showers and aveeno lotion, patches of vague itching but nothing major

Merry Christmas 😊

TwigTheWonderKid · 25/12/2023 03:54

Merry Christmas everyone!

Stage IV cancer? Incurable? Roll up, roll up, this thread is for you!
RedRosesPinkLilies · 25/12/2023 14:32

@Tilllly - glad you’re a bit better.

Merry Christmas xx

TwigTheWonderKid · 25/12/2023 16:54

Hope everyone is having the best day possible.

Raising a glass to our lovely Mowly and thinking about her family today.

balkanscot · 25/12/2023 22:37

Wishing everyone a merry Christmas 🎄. May the health be with you as long as possible. All I can think about is that I want to live in time for Christmas 2024 as well. And beyond that. And beyond. And beyond. I am at my sister in law’s house, the same house that my DS will live in once I am at a point of no return, as she and her husband are named legal guardians in my will. It is all so very bittersweet, I am welling up just thinking about it. My son, an orphan.

l have a CT scan on Thursday, then have to wait until 12 January to get the results. Scanxiety at its best.

I am edging towards the end of the 3rd cycle of Capecitabine. Very uneventful, apart from some of the tips of my toes being a bit red and blistery.

@TwigTheWonderKid here is my sister in law’s fine specimen. Incredibly shy, despite living in the house for the past 3.5 years, won’t let anybody stroke her. Her sister is even worse, hides behind a bookcase all day long and comes only at night when the guests go to bed.

Raising a glass of non alcoholic Aperol Spritz like concoction to Mowly.

Stage IV cancer? Incurable? Roll up, roll up, this thread is for you!
Silkiebunny · 25/12/2023 23:09

Merry Christmas to you all, and hoping 2024 will be kind to you all and ruthless with the cancer. Sending a big hug to you Balkan and anyone else who needs one. Floof in a hamper and worn out after Christmas meal and games.

Stage IV cancer? Incurable? Roll up, roll up, this thread is for you!
Stage IV cancer? Incurable? Roll up, roll up, this thread is for you!
WrenNatsworthy · 27/12/2023 22:13

Belated Christmas wishes to all. I had a lovely time.
Went round to a friend's house on the Solstice. We had to write wishes on paper and put them in a log. I only wished to be here next Christmas.

Here is one of my cats. Lots of love xxx

Stage IV cancer? Incurable? Roll up, roll up, this thread is for you!
AGreatUsername · 28/12/2023 11:57

Belated Christmas wishes all. I hope everyone had as nice a day as possible. Ours was lovely, we hosted and I cooked for 10, what turned out to be a really nice meal, with homemade trifle, mince pies and gingerbread. I’m totally well which is playing merry hell with my mental health as clearly I’m not totally well inside.

Had my 3 month scan on the 21st, results on the 4th. Desperately hoping no change and we can continue watching and waiting. I should hear more from the Determine trial too early next year, to see if I am eligible for it. The idea is interesting at least. (Trying licensed drugs for common cancers in rare cancers with the same gene mutation).

AGreatUsername · 28/12/2023 11:58

Festive ragdoll image for you all, I have 4 kitties but only 2 ever pose!

Stage IV cancer? Incurable? Roll up, roll up, this thread is for you!
balkanscot · 28/12/2023 13:44

Loving all the cat photos! 😻

@WrenNatsworthy my Christmas wish was exactly the same.

I had my scan this morning, to see if Cape is working. I hope it is. @AGreatUsername same here, feeling absolutely fine despite what’s been going inside.

Woke up just after 3 am with a funny pain on my left side going up and down, promptly panicked the hell out of it. It went away when I went to the loo. Now overthinking it and hoping CT won’t show anything as I am now convinced myself it must be bone mets. It will be a hard wait until 12th January.

I was supposed to join the in laws and DS up at their place in the Higlands but the storm Gerrit put a stop to it - the last 15 miles of a 155 mile trip are impossible to do as that bit of the road is closed in both directions. No viable alternative route, unless adding at least 2 hours onto the trip. And with an electric car & wonky chargers due to numerous power cuts, I am not willing to risk it.

On my own in the flat with the mind whirring. I booked myself into a Pilates workshop Christmas class this evening to stop thinking about the whole shitshow for at least 75 minutes.