Storm Part 4 (for partners of people with cancer)

[Willowkins]

New thread as the old one filled up. Part 3 can be found at https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/life_limiting_illness/4729740-the-storm-part-3?page=1

I agree with both of you. Also during my brief sojourn into hell Maggies were amazing. I’ll never forget the depth of their kindness.

Sorry you're going through these last days. I don't recall anyone telling us what we HAD to do - I've always thought our stories are too awful for anyone else to venture in. What we can offer is understanding, listening and no judgement.

@shiningstar2 I'm so sorry. It's 6 weeks today since DH passed and only this morning I thought this is awful, but it's not as awful as watching him die. Praying for you both that it's peaceful and at the right time - it can be that while still being much, much too soon.

@lastdaysofaugust I saw your other thread. I'm sorry many didn't get it. I was alone through that darkest time and any time it was suggested I should get someone to come and stay with me I insisted it wouldn't help, I didn't have the bandwidth for a house guest or any kind of requirement to consider anyone other than DH and myself. Sending you strength.

Thank you @thornbury . Here we are Friday night, 4 days after admission. DH still with us. So highly medicated he hears but can't talk any more. I'm fortunate to have DD with me but she has had to leave work and family. Thank goodness we are here in a hospice rather than home or hospital. Amazing people. Feel really supported. But he was diagnosed 2 months ago. Like you @thornbury we've had not time to assimilate our changed circumstances and come to terms with what is happening to us.
They asked me today if I want bereavement counselling but I said no ...I am still a wife, continuing to support my husband I'll cross that bridge.whenbi come to it.
One step at a time 🙏♥️

Hello everyone I’ve just found this thread, sincere condolences to those of you who have lost a loved one & those who are caring for your loved ones.
my Dh was diagnosed last week with inoperable cancer, treatment offered palliative chemotherapy & possibly immunotherapy I’m still reeling & don’t think have taken all the information that was given last week, we are possibly seeing oncologist Wednesday discuss the treatment options.
we have dietitian appointment tomorrow & he has lymph node biopsy on Thursday.
i am currently caught up in the rising panic/fear/disbelief & desperately trying to behave normally he doesn’t need me falling apart in front of him or likewise our two adult dc & dgd’s I’m so bloody terrified I can’t think straight sorry I know I’m rambling we’ve gone from him being so fit & healthy five weeks ago to this he has lost about 1.5 stones in the last month & can barely get any solid food down him.
I just want it to stop & life be the same as it was a few short weeks ago Christ I sound so bloody childish & selfish, thanks for the space for me to get some of this out.

@dontcallmelen I am so sorry to hear you and your DH have had such dreadful news. I was in much the same situation at the end of November last year, I think even now I am still in shock at the diagnosis even though DH passed away in May, please be very gentle with yourself as you and he need to have time to adjust as best you can. Don’t be afraid to ask the DC for any help they can give, mine were glad to have something practical to do and if you need to cry that’s OK too.

When timescales are clearer don’t be afraid to ask for a referral to your local hospice services as they can do a lot for you before you are at the end of the journey. We found the MacMillan helpline very useful when making treatment decisions as you can speak to a nurse, the specialist nurse service at the hospital is useful too but can’t always return calls the same day.

Hi @dontcallmelen you're welcome, though of course we're sorry for the reason you find yourself here.
Speaking from experience, that shock you're feeling is very normal. You're allowed to speak your truth and we get how awful this is right now.

So sorry @dontcallmelen. The fear, panic and disbelief are familiar feelings to everyone posting here and it’s very hard keeping a lid on it although you know you have to. My friends were amazing and gave me space to vent - and you really need to for your own sanity. I wish I’d discovered this thread when my bloke was first diagnosed, it’s so supportive.