Storm Part 4 (for partners of people with cancer)

[Willowkins]

New thread as the old one filled up. Part 3 can be found at https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/life_limiting_illness/4729740-the-storm-part-3?page=1

It’s very touching to receive flowers, but they do create work at a time when there is already so much to do. When my first husband died the house was filled with flowers, but sadly I now find the smell of lilies very upsetting due to that memory.

I couldn’t eat my dinner at the dining room table because I filled the whole thing with condolence cards. They’re in a big bag under my bed at the moment. I’m planning on reading them soon then I’m going to set them a light and put the ashes on the grave because I can’t bear to throw them away.

if I was to tell anybody else that they would think I was absolutely bonkers 💐

As we drove into the hospital this morning, I thought 'DH will probably die here' 💔

I hadn't even thought about receiving flowers and cards. We're British but currently live overseas and have no family here, and essentially no postal service. DH works remotely so doesn't even have colleagues here. He's told me to get him cremated here and not faff about repatriating his remains to the UK to be buried somewhere I'll never go. So, not even a funeral.

So very sorry that you’re having to endure this.
I’m not sure where in the world you are but here the UK we can get ashes made into jewellery and I’m wondering if that may be of some help to you if you can do it wherever you may be and then at least you’ll always have something of him with you

Thinking of you at this difficult time 💐💐💐

That's a tough insight@thornbury. Every new situation hits hard at this point - and there are so many of them.
My DH's ashes are buried in the little church garden he loved because that's what he wanted but I rarely visit even though it's just a couple of miles away. I much preferred it when he was on top of the bookcase so I put his photo there instead.

I sneak a small handle full of DH ashes onto planes, cruises etc - I leave a small amount of him on the beaches we visit, DH loved the sun, holidays and beaches.

I’ve a scatter tube which is about the size of a can of fizzy drink. The undertakers made up two along with the casket for the ashes. One DC took one back to their country and I have the other to scatter in a place that DH really loved in the UK that we’d been going to for over 50 years, but my plan is to keep a little bit of it.