She’s got hours left

[Thby2023]

I’ve written on mumsnet before desperately searching for hope. On the 7th of December my mums face dropped slightly. It’s the 29th of February and she’s in a hospice unable to move because of this stupid fucking evil cancer in her head.

62 years old. My best friend. I speak to her everyday. I’ve just had a baby, my sister is 35 weeks pregnant and she is my son’s favourite person. We were told they were treating it, it hasn’t worked.

I don’t know how I’m going to get through this. My mum is everything to me. I see her everyday. How can life be so fucking cruel. She wants to live she wants to be here.

Oh I am so sorry.

How is she now - is she comfortable?
Is there anything you want to tell us?

It must all still be such a shock 😔

She’s comfortable. My family are falling apart. It’s too soon we should have longer than this. She was the healthiest person in the world. I’m in so much physical pain I can’t even look after my children. I know it’s not but everything feels pointless now. The world feels so dark. Thank you for answering. I’m probably answering very blunt but I can’t control anything right now. I’m going to see her soon to continue the heartbreak. I’m so scared.

I am so sorry, I mean it with all my heart. There isn’t much else I can say that doesn’t sound like empty platitudes. Sending you a hug. 💐

I'm so sorry OP 😣 your lovely mum is so blessed to have you & your family around her at this heartbreaking time and as much as it doesn't feel like it now you will all pull through this together. You have a life of wonderful memories with your mum & your baby and sisters baby will grow up hearing of all those memories you have with her. Sending you so much love to get through the next hours, days and weeks ahead. Feel free to tell us about her & vent here.. there is no judgement and all your feelings are so valid xxxx

I'm so sorry 🌹- can you speak to your gp or try to self refer for someone to talk to. It might be helpful to talk to someone outside of your family.

Massive hugs. I lost my mum in December. She was 65. Life can be so terribly cruel sometimes.

You will get through it, minute by minute, then hour by hour. It does get a little easier with time xx

That's so sad, it is brutal, thinking of you all x

I'm so so sorry. Life can be incredibly brutal.

I'm so sorry OP, I lost my mum very quickly to cancer almost 4 years ago (2 years before I had my ds) so can relate to how you are feeling.

Not sure if this is possible, but something that has brought me a lot of comfort since she died was some voicenotes she recorded for me and a letter she wrote to me (and one to DB). I didn't read it till after she was gone, a few months after actually as I wasn't ready until then, but it's so dear to me now.

It's unfair, and shit and you are naturally going to feel so many emotions. Rev Richard Coles wrote on grief that it's like a big hole in the garden and at first you don't know where the edges are so you keep falling in the hole. Eventually, you learn the edges of the hole and decide when to sit on the edge of it and look in. I've found that to be very true.

It's ok to feel you can't manage anything else right now, let others pick up the chores, the life admin, and even if you need let them help with your ds. It's ok to feel this way, you are in the eye of the storm. I hope it's not insensitive to say, but I promise you you won't always feel like this and you will all find a way to live. Grief is love without somewhere to go, that you are feeling all of this shows how loved she is.

I'm just so so sorry this is happening to your family . Cancer is a bastard .

So sorry you're going through this. It feels insurmountable and unbearable and so shocking when someone has always been so healthy. There's not much that can ease the pain right now but take what moments you can with her. These are dark days but there will be light again. You won't ever get over her going but you will find a way to live and you will see her in your children and that's how she will live on. Lots of love to you.

One day Im going to have to write this down to process it all. She was fine on Monday, we were laughing together whilst she was holding my baby. At 3am Tuesday morning I was sat outside a church praying. It’s so so unfair.

I'm so sorry. My mum died of aggressive cancer a few months after I had my first little one, and she was 61. It's shit, it's unfair, it's so blind siding. Just lots of hugs xxx

Please take all the help the hospice can give you and your family, now and in the future.

Thanks so much everyone by the way, I’m usually the most grateful person ever. Just everything is too much right now x

So sorry to read this @Thby2023

Having lost my mum in an hospice to cancer, my advice is spend as much time with your mum as you can. No one can say what to expect.

I hope your mum is comfortable. 🌻

Sending gentle hugs from across the net

I’m so, so sorry. Hope she’s comfortable xx

Spend as much time by your Mum's side as you can. Every moment will be precious. I hope your Mum is not in pain. Make a scrapbook for your DC all about his Nan. Photos of them together, things she said to him too. 💐

I am gutted for you OP. Please be gentle on yourself. This is horrendous. Spend every last second with her, hard as it is to see this - she will know you are there and that you love her. Your partner can take care of the kids and home.
Praying for you and your lovely mum.

So sorry to read this. Life is a complete bummer sometimes. So not fair, in so many ways. Spend all the time you are able to with her. She will be comforted by your presence. Thinking of you 💐💐

The only piece of advice that ever helped me, was being told there is not a right or wrong way to do this, whatever gets you from one side to the other is the right thing to do.

Please be kind to yourself and expect those around you to do really bloody silly things, because like you, they will not be thinking straight. Use every drop of support you can get from the staff at the hospice and your friends. People will be desperate to support you, because they want to lighten your load, so say yes to a cup of tea, or pls pick up a couple of extra pints of milk, pls... because doing things for you is there way of saying, I love you.

Keep talking to your mum whilst she goes on her final journey, tell her the things you want her to know and she will take them with her.

Finally, if you want to rant at the iniquity of it all, come on here and tell us... we will be here for you, too.

I'm just so sorry.

I lost my Mum at 68 suddenly and unexpectedly. Nearly 3 yrs ago.

Thinking of you and your family x

I'm so sorry 🌸
Spend all the time you can with her and tell her all things you want her to hear.
Take all the support you can with your new baby. Family and friends will want to help. And just be kind to yourself. Take everything a day a time x

Sending absolutely all my love x

theres a few of us in the room with her now, we’re all been looked after. Feels weirdly peaceful x