My mam is so sick and I'm so sad

[itsmakingmesosad]

Name changed for this but I've been around here for years. I've debated starting this thread so many times just for somewhere to admit how I'm really feeling.
My poor mam has cancer. For the second time. They said they got it all the first time but it came back. She's only in her early 60's.
She's in hospital now, has been for weeks, no idea really what is going to happen. She looks so small and frail and it makes my heart hurt to see her suffering.
I'm so scared that she will die and we won't be there. The doctors aren't saying much except that she is very very unwell. My poor mam. I can't imagine what life will look like without her in it. I can't believe I have to think about that when she is so young.
I don't even know what the point of this thread is. I'm just so so sad.

@itsmakingmesosad, I'm so sorry to read your news. The only small comfort you might be able to draw from it is that you did the very best that you could, with love. I would usually give some flowers here, but they don't really cut it, so I'm sending you a big virtual hug.

Thank you for all the kind comments. I wanted to reply individually but I just can't. Im heartbroken. The end was so sudden. I can't take it in. My lovely mam. I'll never see her again.

Oh OP I feel for you

I would give you a massive bear hug right now if I could x

I know. You feel like there should be earthquakes and lightning bolts and whirlwinds to echo this upheaval in your life. It's so painful. Know you have our empathy.

After my mum died at 68 I found this poem set aside; we aren't religious but it clearly gave her some comfort; perhaps it will help you. Terribly sorry for your loss.

Death Is Nothing At All

By Henry Scott-Holland
More Henry Scott-Holland
Death is nothing at all. 
It does not count. 
I have only slipped away into the next room. 
Nothing has happened. 

Everything remains exactly as it was. 
I am I, and you are you, 
and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged. 
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. 

Call me by the old familiar name. 
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used. 
Put no difference into your tone. 
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. 

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. 
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. 
Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it. 

Life means all that it ever meant. 
It is the same as it ever was. 
There is absolute and unbroken continuity. 
What is this death but a negligible accident? 

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? 
I am but waiting for you, for an interval, 
somewhere very near, 
just round the corner. 

All is well. 
Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost. 
One brief moment and all will be as it was before. 
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!

Henry Scott-Holland. "Death Is Nothing At All." Family Friend Poems, www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/death-is-nothing-at-all-by-henry-scott-holland

@LuluBlakey1

You really have a gift with words.

I too have imaginary moments when i mentally catch my parents up on everything that's gone on since they died. My house, my travels, my dogs, current events... it's heartbreaking yet fills some need.

This poem gave me great comfort when I read it after I lost someone. I like to think of them nearby just in another room. I hope it’s the case!

Please speak to the Oncologist, my father passed away last week. His wishes and ours were that we be with him when he passed and also he wanted the last rites given by his priest. We told them this and they called us 72 hours before saying he was declining. They put him on the end of life pathway, we were given free parking passes, food vouchers and were allowed to stay with him the entire time. The staff were incredible, he died with both his daughters holding his hand, with his favourite music playing. I'd been crying for weeks before, not being able to even comprehend my life without him. He was so ill that seeing him at peace was almost a relief. I know it's not always possible to be there if a person dies unexpectedly but if you make your wishes and your mums really clear to the Dr's and the palliative care team they will do everything possible to facilitate it. That's my experience anyway.

I'm so sorry OP for the loss of your dear Mam. You clearly loved one another deeply and she was a great parent to you. There's so much to hold onto in that - treasured memories. Look after yourself 💐