Hi all, I wanted to keep updating as there have been so many posts since my last, and again I’ve been strengthened and lifted by the endless well wishes. Well, actually I’m totally on my ass here, so maybe saying that I’ve been scraped off the floor a little is a more accurate representation. I’m happy to receive distant reiki healing to the kind person who offered.
Today has been truly fraught. I had a massive meltdown this morning and was bawling to anyone who would listen that I just needed to go home, basically I felt to die, I just don’t want to die here. That’s truly my worst nightmare right now. Everything smells here, my sense of smell has suddenly become like a dogs and everything is revolting me. The food too is truly terribly, but I’m on Fortisip drinks as eating much is a daunting and off putting thought. Just need away from here.
The nurses were so, so kind and really advocated for me today. DH has been here since 9.30am too, so I’ve not been on my own. He’s popped home now to get some food and will be back soon.
The ward consultant has been less than helpful in the last few days communication wise - and I was just at the end of my tether being pumped full of Iv antibiotics and nothing changing with my bloods, being told very little and just felt like all of this was continuing to get worse, and the continuation of all of this was just like banging one’s against a wall and expecting a different result.
Consultant actually agreed with me about the antibiotics on his round and I’m off them and on oral antibiotics now. I’m in a vicious circle of codeine need, but resultant constipation which laxatives seem to be doing nothing for. Now on increased laxatives and slightly less codeine - the codeine it was making my blood pressure very low, it’s low anyway, so maybe a good thing, but now more pain. Swings and roundabouts. Finding balance is hard.
The jaundice is worse, eyes quite yellow now, and I need an updated CT scan (9am tomorrow) for the MDT meeting on Friday where FINALLY everything will be put together. They can’t stent me here or drain me, it’s too complex for them, so they have reluctantly allowed me to go home tomorrow morning after the scan. Likely have to go to Belfast for an op next week if I’m well enough and then we go from there.
So, home tomorrow. That’s all I can think about. Just want my own bed. Want a shower or maybe a bath. DH will have to help, but that’s ok although awful as currently my backside looks like an 80 year old saggy man’s !! DH doesn’t care, he’s called Kerr by the way and he won’t mind me saying. DS is called Jacob, he is gutted I’m not getting home tonight, and as Kerr is allowed to stay with my all night, so Jacob won’t come up, but I will FaceTime him for a wee while.
I’ll keep posting, it helps. You all help. Please know that you do, each and every single one.