Pancreatic and liver cancer

[WilsonMilson]

Diagnosed today. I can’t believe it. I thought I had gallstones. The liver tumour is already 7cm, I can’t even remember what the pancreatic one was, it’s on the head of the pancreas. They did more CT scans to see further spread but I don’t have those results yet.
I just am in a blur.
My pain has been getting really bad the last few days and I’m worried this is it. I will have a meeting probably next week to discuss the plan for treatment -if any.

I’m not ready. I’m 45. I have a son and a lovely husband. I have elderly parents.

I’ve gone into hyper organisation mode. It’s madness really, but tonight I bought birthday cards for my son, husband and mum for the next 4 years. I’ve been transferring money to different accounts to make it more accessible. I’ve emailed my son’s school, I’ve started writing to do lists.

My mum is flying in on Friday and will stay with me. I’m just so devastated and so sorry for my poor son and husband. I cannot believe this.

Good morning Pamela,

Every good wish for today ♥️. Sending love, strength and hope to you and your family. And maybe for some nice tea and toast if you can manage it. Xxx

Morning Pamela, I hope you managed a decent amount of rest/sleep last night and that you were comfortable x

Good morning Pamela I hope you got some sleep. I know how hot and noisy and unbearable it can be. Hope you're comfortable x

Morning, just a short one as I’m feeling like death warmed up. So much so I’m really scared.

Didn’t have a great night, lots of noise and disturbance and so hot. Have had the awful runs this morning, intestinal cramping and and all very pale grey, white coloured, very abnormal indeed. Been 6 blooming times and still churning. Barely ate yesterday so no idea where it’s all coming from.

Very yellow today. Don’t know what they propose yet, ward rounds happening later this morning. Don’t think the antibiotics have made a difference (other than maybe making me poo like mad).

It is so unbearably hot in here, and apparently they don’t do fans since covid.

Just feel like I’m in a bad place, I mean I’m in the best place for me, but I’m really scared right now and I wish DH was here as I truly feel like the end is nigh, I hope I’m wrong and being dramatic. The worst thing, and I hate to say this, is that in some ways being out of this torture seems almost appealing, but I can’t think like that.

Tried to eat some porridge and got it down, what a struggle for a bit of porridge.

Just had a bed bath, actually made me feel a bit fresher.

Please don't abandon all hope Pamela.
I'm glad a freshen-up helped, and you might feel happier when your family visit which I m sure they will.

Sending huge virtual hugs. Hopefully you will feel a bit better after rounds and a new plan xxx

You will feel better once your family come in. It's not your time yet xx

Hi Pamela,

Sending you strength and hope. Just get through this day, hopefully a medical plan will be forthcoming. 💐

Oh Pamela, this sounds awful for you. I can only imagine how scary this is, but please don’t feel alone, we are very much with you in spirit. What time can your family visit? Hold tight Pamela. x

Morning Pamela, glad you feel a bit fresher after your bed bath.
Hopefully the antibs will kick in more today.
We're with you step by step. ❤️

I’m with you too, as someone who also has cancer - but not your sort. Keep writing if you feel it helps you. I hope they have a plan very soon.

Thinking of you Pamela. I hope you feel more comfortable soon

I haven't posted in a while, but you've been in my thoughts every single day. I hope you can have some treatment that'll get you home soon! Strong healing vibes from Edinburgh.

I've been thinking about you and wondering how you were doing - and then your thread popped up. I hope they can come up with something to help you soon.

I’ve thought of you frequently since you started posting and I’m so sorry to read you’re in hospital but I really hope that being there makes you feel less ill soon. I think not being able to have a fan is awful - really adds to discomfort. Perhaps a wet and wrung out towel might help.

Thinking of you Pamela and your lovely family x

@WilsonMilson ,

Just wanted to add my best wishes to you; you seem so brave and eloquent!

I hope that they can start treatment soon to at least buy you some quality time with your family, but maybe even to cure you. Don’t give up hope, modern cancer treatment can offer a lot.

It is no wonder you feel awful right now. Jaundice does indeed make you sad, the expression ‘jaundiced’ comes from it.

The heat must be hard to cope with. Do you have a Flannel you can drench and put on your head/ chest / wrists to help cool you down?

Or get DH to order you one of these (my friend has one and says they really work) :

www.amazon.co.uk/HOMFINE-Arc-chill-Breathable-Lightweight-Comforter/dp/B0BNSQX88H

www.amazon.co.uk/Cooling-Fitness-Instant-Microfiber-Activities/dp/B0B6HR1RD3

Hang in there. The right treatment will come along soon xxx

Thinking of you Pamela xx

I have these microfibre cooling towels for hiking. They really work so I definitely recommend getting one or two.

Sending love and thoughts Pamela, and it's lovely to know your name. 💓

Thinking of you Pamela and sending love to you and your family x

Hi Pamela, I’ve just read the thread and wanted to send strength, love and best wishes to you and your family. I lost my husband to metastatic tonsil cancer in February. So many people have success with immunotherapy but alas it didn’t work for him - fingers crossed you find a treatment that works for you - sometimes it can be miraculous. We also have a 17yr old son who is learning to drive and is about to start his ucas exams. He is doing really well and although it’s tough we are managing our way through together. Xx

Thinking of you Pamela and praying for you - I hope you are feeling a little better this afternoon and are getting some relief from the meds - also wanted to recommend the microfibre cooling cloths, they work really well

I've been thinking about you today and hoping things picked up a little. Weekends are never much use in hospital as I think the bare minimum is done and all procedures are on weekdays.
I hope the time isn't dragging too much while you wait.