I have cancer, friend wants to support DH

[Symmetryisoverrated]

I’ve got breast cancer and my lovely DH has been a rock throughout my treatment, and I know that this can be a difficult time for the partner as well as the patient.

One particular friend keeps texting DH to check on how he is doing and asking if he wants to meet for coffee. She hasn’t messaged me much. DH isn’t responding to her but I’m feeling angry that she seems to be taking the chance to make a move on him while I am ill. I am already a ball of anxiety and I am not looking or feeling my best (understatement!). How can I deal with this?

What a cow, I'd cut her off completely, with friends like that.. . . hope you're ok xx

Why isn't she messaging you directly?
Why is she pushing for coffee with your DH?

She's an a..hole

Best thing is for you and your DH to block her number and cut her off completely

Hope you are ok and take care of yourself xx

Can you message her and tell her to leave him alone?

@Neenawneenaw76

What a cow, I'd cut her off completely, with friends like that.. . . hope you're ok xx

I think she is being a cow too but was worried I was being paranoid! Thank you for asking if I’m ok. It has been difficult but I’m doing well.

That’s awful :( what does your DH think? Block her, you don’t need this shit

@hannsmum

Why isn't she messaging you directly? Why is she pushing for coffee with your DH?

She's an a..hole

Best thing is for you and your DH to block her number and cut her off completely

Hope you are ok and take care of yourself xx

She does text me occasionally (once a month?), but text DH every few days to ask how he is coping. I know partners need support too. The uncharitable part of me thinks she is trying it on.

@PerditaPerdita

Can you message her and tell her to leave him alone?

I tried that before but she said that DH would need support as it was a difficult time for him too.

@Bideyinn

That’s awful :( what does your DH think? Block her, you don’t need this shit

He doesn’t think she’s trying it on with him but knows it is making me anxious so he’s ignoring her. I will ask him to block her, thank you.

Oh gosh you are going through so much without this worry added on. I don't think ur being paranoid. I think its very strange.

So glad your hubby is ignoring her. But ai do think you both need to cut her off. She is not a true friend.

Wishing you a speedy recovery 💕

It’s just not quite right is it? And you you’ve told her you don’t need that sort of support. Get your DH to block and don’t give her a second thought. She’s not a proper friend to you. Hope your treatment and recovery goes really well

get your husband to reply that all he wants to do if spend time with you.

is spend time with you.

@alexdgr8

get your husband to reply that all he wants to do if spend time with you.

I like that!

I am sat by my husband's bedside tonight, he has cancer (stage 4), if one of his friend's tried that with me I'd be fucking furious. You are right, she is a cow.

Wishing you all the best for the future, I hope your treatment goes well

Oh bless you, so very sorry as you don't need this from her. She's irrelevant and it needs to be made v clear to her.

'I tried that before but she said that DH would need support as it was a difficult time for him too.'

Wow she really is a cow ... he must definitely block her.

Very best wishes for your treatment 💐

@bloodywhitecat

I am sat by my husband's bedside tonight, he has cancer (stage 4), if one of his friend's tried that with me I'd be fucking furious. You are right, she is a cow.

Wishing you all the best for the future, I hope your treatment goes well

for you and your husband too, thank you. Best wishes to both of you.

You and everyone who has replied have been very kind in reassuring me that I’m not being ridiculous in wanting to cut her off.

@alexdgr8

get your husband to reply that all he wants to do if spend time with you.

I agree. A polite but firm message needs to come from your DH. Ignoring her won’t be enough. I’m glad you’re doing well OP.

He needs to reply saying "Thanks for your concern. I am being well supported by my friends. What would really help me is for you to offer DW your support because she is going through gruelling treatment."

She’s no friend of yours I’m afraid, you and your husband are focused on the right things, she shouldn’t even be a thought in the morning. What a silly woman. I’m so sorry about your situation OP

Hoping this might make you giggle, I’ve been in hospital since Thursday with COVID at 36 weeks pregnant (I’m of course quite ill with it but mostly here for monitoring for baby who has been absolutely fine thank god, I am on the mend) and my MIL has been texting me that she’s worried about my husband and how he is at home all by himself. He’s phoned me multiple times to say his mum keeps crying and begging him to stay at her house, a good 2 hour drive from the hospital I’m in, because she doesn’t want him to be in the house alone during this stressful time for him. I think he’s told her to bugger off a good 10 times in just the last 24 hours. No regard for whether I would need him here urgently and hasn’t even asked me if me and her unborn grandchild are alright. Some people are just completely backwards

@alexdgr8

get your husband to reply that all he wants to do if spend time with you.

Do this - and then block her. She's not a friend as she's already ignored your request. It is incredibly insensitive of her.

Wishing you a speedy recovery x

People can be vile. I like the idea of your dh telling her he is getting support from his friends and just wants to spend time with you. Then both of you block her. It is horrible when you realise your friends aren’t you friends.

I second asking your dh to text her back saying that he has his own support network and is finding it inappropriate for his wife's friend to be texting him more than she is texting her actual friend. Inappropriate behaviour imo and my dh would probably tell her to fuck off.

OP you are not being silly at all. Your friend sounds awful especially to continue after you asked her not to.

Wow! That’s definitely not acceptable behaviour from her! Maybe a message or two to check in on him but not badgering him to go for coffee with her whilst almost completely ignoring you!

@peachy3

She’s no friend of yours I’m afraid, you and your husband are focused on the right things, she shouldn’t even be a thought in the morning. What a silly woman. I’m so sorry about your situation OP

Hoping this might make you giggle, I’ve been in hospital since Thursday with COVID at 36 weeks pregnant (I’m of course quite ill with it but mostly here for monitoring for baby who has been absolutely fine thank god, I am on the mend) and my MIL has been texting me that she’s worried about my husband and how he is at home all by himself. He’s phoned me multiple times to say his mum keeps crying and begging him to stay at her house, a good 2 hour drive from the hospital I’m in, because she doesn’t want him to be in the house alone during this stressful time for him. I think he’s told her to bugger off a good 10 times in just the last 24 hours. No regard for whether I would need him here urgently and hasn’t even asked me if me and her unborn grandchild are alright. Some people are just completely backwards

Your MIL sounds crazy! You are right, some people just don’t think, do they.

for you and hoping you and the baby are being well cared for in hospital.