DH in intensive care after stem cell transplant

[Lalaland50]

Hi, I'm devastated - after 2 years of treatment after treatment for lymphoma, my husband is in hospital having an allo stem cell transplant - he is now on +day 6 and was taking into intensive care on saturday with inflammation of the heart muscles (myocarditis). Today he had an extremely fast heart rate (190) which has now been brought down to about 138 and I've been told by the ICU doctor that he may not make it. He has fluid on his lungs and chest, and they are trying to get rid of this too. She said it hangs in the balance and he is not going in the direction they would like him to be, although he is stable at the moment. I have been asked to go and visit tomorrow with the kids (ages 9 and 12) - I asked if it was to say goodbye and the dr said not necessarily, but good to see him whilst he is alert.

I am devastated to say the least. I have spoken to his transplant haematologist in tears as i just don't understand how this has happened, and he seems to have a slightly more positive view. So, it's hard to know what to think. Has anyone had this experience before? or been in intensive care and had a good outcome? I can't believe it's come to this and don't know where to turn.

[Note from MNHQ: please read the OP's latest update before posting] www.mumsnet.com/talk/life_limiting_illness/4475712-DH-in-intensive-care-after-stem-cell-transplant?reply=117259682

I am so sorry for your loss. They wanted to help him and tried what they could. I am so sorry it didn't work.

Oh @Lalaland50, I am so sorry.

So sorry for your loss. You have been through so much. It's not fair, I hope you have family and support around you.xx

Oh OP, I am so so sorry. Sending lots of love to you and your family. May your DH be in peace now 💐

@Lalaland50 I'm so very sorry, there's nothing anyone can do or say to make this better for you but know that you have lots of people on here day or night to talk to if you need us.

I'm so sorry to read your update.

You've all gone through the most horrendous trauma and it wasn't peaceful or what you want someone's death to be for them. And that's at the forefront of your memories of him right now, not the good times you had before it. It'll take a lot of time to come to peace with that - grieve at your own pace, and don't push yourself too hard.

Grief is a long lonely journey - I think it took me around 5 years to feel myself again when my son died. Take care of yourself

So sorry for your loss, I cannot imagine what you’ve been through. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

Just take it one minute, one hour at a time. Don’t get too caught up in thinking of the future right now.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband four years ago. You don't ever get over it, but you will learn to have it sit with you constantly but be able to focus on other things too. Sending you all the strength in the world xx

I am so sorry to hear the most recent update. My DH is terminally ill and with each crisis you do indeed feel assaulted. Its hard for all....So virtual hugs from me

I am so sorry , what an awful time you have all had. Hope you are getting support for you and the children.

I'm so sorry, OP. I lost someone dear to me in a shocking way less than a week ago and can relate to the feelings of being traumatised, and in a state of shock about everything that happened. I have zero advice, but so much love and gentleness for you and your DH. Thinking of you.

I'm so sorry to hear you update @Lalaland50 Just wanted to send you my condolences and lots of love to you and your family. Take care.

I am so so sorry love.

Thinking of you and your children. So very sorry for your loss.

Saddened and so sorry for your profound loss, op.

No words but I am so so sorry for you loss xxx

I am so sorry for your family’s loss. When someone dies after a long hard illness it is hard not to feel angry and bitter at the unfairness of their disease, emotions you don’t need on top of grief.

You won’t get over his death, but you will learn to live with it, the sharp pain will diminish , though it will not go away completely and will sometimes come back unexpectedly and hurt you. You will learn to remember good times, and you will learn to cherish new moments that although you are enjoying them on your own would have meant a lot to your husband too. You will take pride in watching your children grow into the adults that your husband helped to develop, seeing how his values and influences in their life continue after his death.

But for now concentrate on getting through each day and night, and take care of yourself.

So sorry for your loss Your courage and love and care for your DH is so moving. Sending love and thoughts, through the ether, to you and your DC

So sorry to hear this. He sounded like such a wonderful person xx

So sorry to read about your loss. Can't think what else to say, there is nothing to say. Thinking of you, your children and everyone who had the privilege to love him.

I am so terribly sorry to hear this. Sending you best wishes at this dreadful time.

I'm so sorry for your loss 💐

I'm so sorry. One of our dearest friends died in ICU many years back and it felt the same way. He'd had a traumatic head injury and they were really fighting him everywhere to keep him alive (shoving tubes in everywhere while his body literally convulsed against it). I think it is a terrible shock to the system to see something like that, particularly when it's someone you love, but it always stuck in my mind afterwards that they were battling so hard and in some cases so physically hard, as they were trying to save someone who was dying right in front of their eyes.

I’m so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your children.

So very sorry to read this. What a nightmare after all you have been through.