Just need a place to vent really. For background, in 2017 I had a grand mal epileptic fit, got rushed into hospital and found out I had a fist sized primary brain tumour. I had to have surgery while awake, followed by 6 weeks of radiotherapy and almost a year of chemo. I miraculously got pregnant ten months into what was meant to be a year of chemo, but obviously not intentionally. However the pregnancy went perfectly, the tumour has been unseen since and I have a wonderful baby girl.
I think now it's started to come back I'm a lot more scared. Partly because I know what's coming and more so because I don't want to die and leave my LO. My husband is really good and supportive and I'm lucky to have him through this but the odds aren't great for a second tumour. It was a grade 3 before, they usually grow back worse. I've managed once but I can't leave. As ridiculous as it sounds, I'm not ready. Within the last few years we've got married, had a kid, we literally just had a mortgage approved and are getting keys on Monday, I'm studying part time to get a better job and we were going to try for another baby. I'm just so gutted that this has fucked it up. I was happy :(