Still the storm

[Willowkins]

Continuing the support thread - mostly for the partners of people living with terminal cancer - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/life_limiting_illness/3266385-The-calm-before-the-storm?pg=10

@bloodywhitecat it's a really nasty one from what I've read. How is your partner? Thanks for the link, I'll check it out.

So sorry you have to join this thread @IckyPop but Hi . When DH was diagnosed our youngest was only 7 & Macmillan advised to be open & honest in a child like way. It’s awful & the looks on their faces will stay with me forever. It was the moment innocence was lost for sure. BUT we’ve accepted lots of help along the way & the hospice has arranged counselling for them all & so far although very, very sad they seem to be doing well.

Icky. It so shocking isn’t it? My darling husband is T4N1M1B with advanced prostate cancer.

Two weeks ago I would not have known what that meant.

He is 56. It not curable as it’s so advanced. I am raging - why us. I could process this if it was curable but it’s not. We haven’t even retired.

We are taking the time to sort out our paperwork, wills etc.

I am devastated.

Sometimes I forget. Those first seconds of waking...

I look around the supermarket I normally go to, everything seems the same - yet it’s not.

This bastard pandemic makes things worse. Everything shut down, crap weather.

@Moonstone1234

Sometimes I forget. Those first seconds of waking...

I look around the supermarket I normally go to, everything seems the same - yet it’s not.

This bastard pandemic makes things worse. Everything shut down, crap weather.

This. I hate the pandemic. I want to scream "What about the missed diagnosis' that will cost lives? Who is counting them?". COVID is claiming far more lives than just those who die with C19 but our loved ones deaths count for nothing.

@Diangled

So sorry you have to join this thread *@IckyPop* but Hi . When DH was diagnosed our youngest was only 7 & Macmillan advised to be open & honest in a child like way. It’s awful & the looks on their faces will stay with me forever. It was the moment innocence was lost for sure. BUT we’ve accepted lots of help along the way & the hospice has arranged counselling for them all & so far although very, very sad they seem to be doing well.

Oh gosh. I'm glad to hear your children are doing well with the counselling. That's comforting to know. How long has it been for you? Are you having counselling too?

@Moonstone1234

Icky. It so shocking isn’t it? My darling husband is T4N1M1B with advanced prostate cancer.

Two weeks ago I would not have known what that meant.

He is 56. It not curable as it’s so advanced. I am raging - why us. I could process this if it was curable but it’s not. We haven’t even retired.

We are taking the time to sort out our paperwork, wills etc.

I am devastated.

I'm so sorry to hear that. It just feels so wrong and unreal. I know what you mean about the terminology - it's like there's a whole new language that is being forced upon you. One that no one wants to learn. Do you have support?

I also keep thinking that there's a whole bunch of stuff that we won't be able to do as "lasts" - like last gig, big get together with friends....
I keep telling myself that this doesn't really matter and that every day from now on should be seen as a gift, but it's so hard.

DH was diagnosed nearly 3 years ago with prostate cancer, also stage 4 at diagnosis. He’s been spectacularly unlucky that the treatments have only worked for a few months at a time and he is now very much at end of life care.

We got counselling put in place very quickly for our youngest as my MIL died within days of DH diagnosis & it really affected him. It paused for a while but restarted a few weeks ago. The hospice are arranging for myself & the older kids too.
I’ve found I’ve always batted away offers of help & support until now. I am literally on my knees with sadness & the effort of caring.

Very early on I was prescribed anti depressants & I’ve found they keep me semi stable & a bit more able to control my emotions.

Oh & there is no doubt that Covid has robbed DH of this last year when we should have been doing the things he’d planned. I’m bloody furious about it. Even though I know there is no point to my rage.

Dangled. I am here... I have reached out and have some support via email (my choice). I find if I dwell on it too much I just start the waterworks.

I find it better if I can find someone who has the same diagnosis as him. I really really don’t want to speak to anyone that has recovered and has been cured.

My DH is 56. He is starting Enzalutamide which we are hoping will give us some time.

@notapizzaeater DH's birthday must have been hard 💔

Welcome to the newcomers, sorry you find yourself here.

My dh was diagnosed at 39 with stage 4 bowel cancer in April 2019, T4, N2 M1C so the worse staging you can get. He was given 6 months to live without treatment or 12-18m with, it was pretty devastating. 18m is next week and dh is doing ok, he's having his 18th chemo on Wednesday! He is having a scan next month and we are expecting shitty news, due to the pain he is in.

@bloodywhitecat the fucking virus 🦠 really is the worst thing at the minute, I am 4 weeks into waiting for a breast appointment as I have a lump, it has been referred as urgent 2 week wait. I hate the fact that I can't go with dh to treatment and we are "wasting" time being in lockdown.

My friends partner passed away yesterday. I can't quite believe it has happened. Rest his soul. It was a short end mercifully. His life was big though. He had so much love. I want to send each and every one of you strength and love today.

I am so sorry to hear of the situations recounted on this thread and especially sorry to hear of those suffering with gallbladder/ bile duct/ liver cancers.
I lost my lovely mum over the Summer. Eight months previously she had been diagnosed with gallbladder cancer, which is rare. She had no symptoms whatsoever but a routine investigation found that she had gallstones. Her gallbladder was removed, and found to be cancerous. It had already spread to her liver, and by the end was in the duodenum. I strongly suspect it was also in her bile duct.
There is not a great deal of information on this type of cancer.
She was a young 79, and I am still in shock really and struggle to process it sometimes.
I am sending love to all of you who are going through the same thing.

So very sorry for the loss of your mum, FANTINE2

Such a shock, out of the blue, like that.

Hope you're doing ok ?

Funny day here - it's my birthday today but I'm not feeling it, just counting down to the funeral tomorrow 😢

@notapizzaeater How are you? How did the funeral go? It's seven months since DW died. Seven months! I've had glimmers of optimism this week, glimpses of a new me going forward. I'm allowing myself to accept and enjoy those glimpses. It feels as if I've reached a plateau in the grieving process.

Also @notapizzaeater, I do just want to say Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday @notapizzaeater xxxxx

Funeral was today, went as well as it can, we had 30 in the crem and everyone else watched online. DH would have loved it, he was escorted by 10 kit cars from his club.

Tonight I'm having a gin ! My head is banging from the crying. Masks had to be worn in the crem which helped with the snotty noses !

@notapizzaeater glad the funeral went well, love the sound of the kit cars. Enjoy the gin. Thinking of you lots . X

@notapizzaeater, well done for getting through it, you deserve all the gin in the world xxx

Well done @notapizzaeater.

I found the restricted funeral numbers (we were allowed 10!) not too bad. It was a little hard for us as our rules changed after we started planning but I found the smaller numbers helped

I think if I'd had 100 people coming up to me afterwards I would have found it more overwhelming, but maybe that's just me.

Hundreds watched the livestream though which was great, I haven't been able to watch it myself yet though

@Diangled we spoke when your DH was first diagnosed. (My DH has same diagnosis - on arbiraterone at the moment.) I'm so so sorry that you are now facing end of life care. It's just not fair is it. Sending strength and care to you and your family.

@moonstone123 I remember that same sense of shock when DH was diagnosed. No symptoms and seemingly fit as a fiddle to incurable overnight - it just didn't make any sense. I couldn't eat for a while and I couldn't believe that other people were carrying on as normal. One thing I would say is that we are now 4 years down the line and although he has slowed down a lot now we have had some precious times with our DC's in those years. It hasn't all been taken up with cancer.

Take care everyone on this thread

@notapizzaeater I'm glad the funeral went well and you relaxed with a gin. I drank prosecco after DW's funeral and really enjoyed being a little bit drunk. In the days leading up to the funeral I was a ball of anxiety when I wasn't crying. For a little while at the wake it was good to feel a bit relaxed and numb.

I'm so glad your DH's funeral went well, notapizzaeater. As has been said before, funerals are for the living, not the dead, another way in which we feel both sad and happy. Sad that they're gone, and happy that we saw them off in a way that comforts us after.

Many