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Life-limiting illness

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Still the storm

997 replies

Willowkins · 17/06/2020 22:00

Continuing the support thread - mostly for the partners of people living with terminal cancer - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/life_limiting_illness/3266385-The-calm-before-the-storm?pg=10

OP posts:
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joystir59 · 23/06/2020 01:47

We live in the UK

notapizzaeater · 23/06/2020 09:53

@joystir59 we've not been through this yet but DH has been referred to palliative which Is done round here by our hospice. Ours also scan sort out hospital beds etc, the nurses should be through your GP.

iwantavuvezela · 24/06/2020 21:42

@joystir59 welcome to the group/ thread.

Have been thinking of everyone over the last week - it seems like there are many tough situations out there.

Tomorrow DH will get results from a scan he had on Tuesday - since initial diagnosis of brain megs in Feb the scans have always showed disease progression, so hoping that the new self targeted treatment he is on will show it’s working or if not that at least halting or no further progression. I am feeling quite anxious but neither DH or I have mentioned it to each other in any great way - I’m just too scared to wish or say anything out loud until the Dr gives his diagnosis.

Sending hellos, hugs and strength to all

notapizzaeater · 24/06/2020 22:05

@iwantavuvezela I hate hate hate the scan wait - we've an x Ray in 2 weeks to see if the new drug is making a difference - we are only allowed it for 3 months so really need it to 😢

Was listening to DH talking today telling someone at work about it and explaining it's not going to kill him ........ I don't think he has taken anything in the doctors have told him ever, maybe it's better this way ?

Frikonastick · 25/06/2020 04:36

the scan waiting is horrendous isnt it. its going to be weird for us next time as of course, now that DH isnt on any treatment its will be a case of just watching it grow. with nothing to do about it.

@notapizzaeater, my DH is fully open eyed about it all, but I think denial is a very useful coping mechanism if you have it. me and DH seem not to be able to do it though!

iwantavuvezela · 25/06/2020 20:19

Well DH got the results from his scan - the Dr is pleased with the results and feels like the medication is working - would have liked some more factual information, (reduction in size or number of lesions) but DH went in on his own, and didn’t seem to ask anything factual - hoping to get an updated letter in the post to try compare to his last scan. BUT ..... it’s the first “good”news we’ve had since diagnosis . So I’m happy for that.

notapizzaeater · 25/06/2020 23:12

@iwantavuvezela brilliant news - can you access his records online ? (Dint think we can but I know some people can)

iwantavuvezela · 26/06/2020 15:54

Not sure if I can access online @notapizzaeater - but DH usually gets a follow up letter in the post and I’ll read that. His last scan had some worrying aspects to it and I wanted to see if the treatment was helping these, but I can wait, perhaps it’s good to just to take the win for now!

loubieloo4 · 26/06/2020 21:23

I hope everyone is ok 💜.

Scan anxiety is the worst, dh seems to be able to put it out of his mind until the day before, we then chat through the night about all the what ifs. Just his way of coping I guess. Thankfully I have my mum who I can talk to whenever I want, to talk things over or just say my thoughts out loud. I like to talk and mull things over.

@iwantavuvezela sounds like good news 👍🏻

Dh is having trouble with his left hip, he thinks he lifted something to heavy 🤷🏼‍♀️ we had a phone consultation with oncology on Wednesday, they have ordered a scan for next Thursday (a month late 😡) oh and his last lot of bloods eight ish weeks ago didn't process! They have also booked a date to review the scan 29th July.

Finally something is happening

SchrodingersKitty · 28/06/2020 13:01

I'm finding things really hard at the moment. DH is increasingly tired - we don't know if this is from his long-term steroid use or from the brain lesions or from the inflammation around the lesions. Constantly adjusting various drugs to try to get an optimal effect.

In the meantime, other life crap just does not stop. Horrors include my job being seriously at risk; trying to sell a jointly-owned property long distance; and DSD who emigrated to the other side of the world with toddler DSGD just before lock-down, then broke her leg, and looks unable to be able to visit her dad before he dies. There are many more such things, and many minor one, like a broken loo seat I have been putting off replacing.

I mostly manage but I have been bursting into tears of frustration quite a lot, and keep having minor accidents and breakages which are clearly stress related. Still working online full time with hugely stressed and anxious colleagues.

I was prepared for the pre-emptive grief and the sense of loss, but not the endless difficult petty stresses and exhaustion (I'm still not recovered entirely from covid and keep having flare-ups months later), or the fact that more bad things will keep happening and the universe never says 'that's enough'. I just don't know how much more I'm supposed to be able to bear.

Friends have been very supportive, but lots are now coming out of lock-down and don't understand why I won't agree to meet them in person. I keep being lectured about how I must take time for myself. They all seem to think that my meeting them is just the tonic I need, and can't understand why we are still shielding. Basically, all I can do for DH is make sure he gets to die at home rather than in hospital alone, so this is what we feel we need to do.

notapizzaeater · 28/06/2020 15:01

@SchrodingersKitty ((hugs))

It's shit, it's really shit. I'm having a wobble day as DH didn't sleep last night when asked he's been thinking if all the things/regrets he wanted to do. When I've asked what any are so we could do something, he's telling me there's no point 😭. He's really down and I'm trying to keep everything 'normal' fir everyone. We've another x Ray in 2 weeks so anticipate he will be down till then

Must be so hard with your DSD being so far away and unable to travel - my DH parents could be on the stately homes thread - I just want to scream at them - they don't seem bothered at all.

chinchin77 · 29/06/2020 03:12

My DH died. So fucking sad 😔

Willowkins · 29/06/2020 03:27

Oh chinchin I am so so sorry. I'm awake if you want to talk about it.
Flowers

OP posts:
joystir59 · 29/06/2020 03:59

Awake and so upset and angry

SchrodingersKitty · 29/06/2020 09:43

I'm so sorry @chinchin77. Do talk to us about him if it would help.

MrsMozartMkII · 29/06/2020 09:50

I'm so sorry Chinchin.

notapizzaeater · 29/06/2020 10:41

I'm so so sorry, we are all here for you xx

loubieloo4 · 29/06/2020 12:09

@chinchin77 oh I am so sorry, I hope your family made it in time and you have lots of support around you. Hugs from me x

Frikonastick · 29/06/2020 22:58

@chinchin77 I am so sorry, how utterly utterly devastating for you and yours. My most sincere and heartfelt condolences to you.

iwantavuvezela · 29/06/2020 23:48

@chinchin77 I am so very very sorry to hear this - sending you strength and love and thoughts - we are here for you if you need to talk, whenever that might be

iwantavuvezela · 01/07/2020 14:44

@chinchin77 just to let you know that I am thinking of you. I cannot imagine how difficult a time this is for you - when you ready we are to talk and help in any virtual way possible

loubieloo4 · 02/07/2020 19:51

@chinchin77 thinking of you all Thanks

loubieloo4 · 02/07/2020 19:51

@chinchin77 thinking of you all Thanks

notapizzaeater · 03/07/2020 17:58

@chinchin77. Hope you're doing as well as you can be.

DH has got his op date through for his cataracts - he's having them done 13th so hopefully will help his vision, the house is lit up like a lighthouse all the time 😂😂

They are doing both in one go which they don't normally do but because of Covid the risk is less.

chinchin77 · 05/07/2020 05:09

Hello All - thank you so much for your kindness. My darling has been dead for a week now and I miss him enormously, but also so very relieved there is no more pain and a crap life of 'eating' via a tube. He loved food and was a fantastic cook, he loved our DD fiercely, loved me like I have never been loved before. I am lost.