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DH has a brain tumour

350 replies

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 06/01/2019 15:05

I've posted before about my DH, who was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in 2017. He had a lung removed, chemotherapy, and was told the cancer had spread to the lymph nodes but was dormant. His last oncology appointment in November was quite positive and he was cleared to go on holiday in Germany in December.

While we were away I noticed that his memory was quite bad, but he's always been a bit absent minded so didn't think anything of it. He had been having headaches, but was due to have his eyes tested so again thought it was that.

Over New Year he started slurring his words, drooling, and being quite abrupt and snappy. My parents remarked that his personality had changed and wondered if it was his meds.

Yesterday I couldn't understand anything he said, so against his wishes phoned 111, who spoke to him and sent an ambulance. He got very distressed and stopped speaking, so that his speech couldn't be assessed. The paramedics thought he had had a stroke but he wasn't meeting all the FAST markers. When he got to a&e they sent him for a brain scan and the results showed that the cancer has spread into his brain. He has two lesions and a tumour, which is "not small". He was put on steroids and is now going to be an inpatient for the foreseeable future.

I am devastated. I don't know what to expect, he hasn't seen his oncologist yet but she is due to come round today or tomorrow. His speech is even worse today and he is speaking out of one side of his mouth only, and drooling every time he speaks. He's in denial and is convinced he's going home tomorrow, even though I have tried to break it to him that he won't be.

Had anyone been in this position? What do I need to ask the oncologist? Any tips for what could make him more comfortable? What happens next? Please be gentle.

OP posts:
AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 30/01/2019 20:12

Thanks everyone, you are so kind. DH is more comfortable now, he has been given morphine and is drifting in and out. Some of his siblings have been in to see him, DSS2 has been here most of the day and my mum came up, he was aware that they were there.

They think he had a heart attack this morning, so we are waiting on the results of some bloods. It doesn't really change anything if he has, but at least they will be aware.

DSS2 has gone to collect DS and bring him up for a bit, so it's just me and DH at the moment. He's holding my hand (at an awkward angle so it's gone dead!) and I've been talking to him about adventures we have had together. Time seems to have both stood still today and rushed by, I didn't realise how late it was because I haven't left his side.

OP posts:
namechangedyetagain · 30/01/2019 20:30

I know what you mean about time standing still. Hold his hand, talk to him, tell funny stories and how happy you've been. The brain tumour took my brother so quickly but I'm so glad that I got to talk to him and hold his hand. I'm pretty sure he knew I and my children were there as his eyes flickered.

Thoughts are with you x

IRememberSoIDo · 30/01/2019 20:32

I've just read your full thread and wanted to say I am so sorry for what you are going through. It's just so unfair x

Willowkins · 30/01/2019 20:35

Another one standing by you - and holding your other hand.

LadyLapsang · 30/01/2019 20:44

I am pleased to hear your DH is more comfortable this evening and that you have some time together. I hope you can get some rest too.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 30/01/2019 21:39

I've come home to get some overnight things, and to bring the boys home. I'm going back to spend the night by his side. The doctor confirmed he has had a heart attack, and has started him on some anti platelet meds. DSS2 is going to come in the morning to sit with him so I can come home and get a shower and a quick nap, before going back.

Flowers for everyone who has faced similar x

OP posts:
Corbby1 · 30/01/2019 21:51

Thinking of you. So so sorry you are going through this xxxx

TwitterQueen1 · 30/01/2019 22:22

I hope the night passes smoothly and peacefully OP

Honeywort · 30/01/2019 22:33

I am so sorry to read this about your lovely husband. I am thinking of you all and wishing you peace and love

pilates · 30/01/2019 22:36

You sound a lovely lady, and I’m sorry you and your family are going through this. 💐

TheFuckfaceWhisperer · 30/01/2019 23:03

So sorry you are all going through this. I can’t evem imagine how awful it all is Flowers❤️

butterfly56 · 30/01/2019 23:29

Sending strength and love to you and your DH Flowers

LondonHuffyPuffy · 30/01/2019 23:44

I have been following your thread since you first posted, lovely.

Sending love and light to you, DH and your family. Xx

Rachelle3211 · 30/01/2019 23:54

I am so sorry. You sound like an amazing woman who is doing incredible in these circumstances.

theclockticksslowly · 31/01/2019 00:05
Flowers

I’ve been reading your thread since the beginning but not posted til now as it felt a bit too ‘close’. I went through similar with my DH. I felt the speed at which things happened in the end made it feel completely unreal. Hold his hand, talk to him. Sending love to you all.

Riotingbananas · 31/01/2019 00:06

Sending you and all your family love and my very best Gretchen Flowers

skunkatanka · 31/01/2019 00:26

Thinking of you OP and your dh at such a difficult time. I'm so glad your family is around you 

Fretfulparent · 31/01/2019 00:30

Thinking of you and wishing you strength and hoping your lovely DH is comfortable and peaceful.

NewYoiker · 31/01/2019 01:11

Thanks sending positive thoughts x

TheHobbitMum · 31/01/2019 01:34

Thinking of you and sending love Flowers

ninalovesdragons · 31/01/2019 01:38

Thinking of you all and admiring your strength ThanksThanks

LadyLapsang · 31/01/2019 07:07

I hope you had a peaceful night together and that your DH is comfortable this morning. Flowers

FireFlyFleur · 31/01/2019 07:51

Hi Gretchen, just wanted to send my love this morning, your in my thoughts.ThanksThanksThanks

Justtheoneplease · 31/01/2019 08:18

Thinking of you Flowers

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 31/01/2019 08:26

We had a restless night, DH was struggling to breathe and had two nebulisers as well as the constant oxygen mask. He was clearly uncomfortable and kept trying to move into a better position, but that made his breathing worse. In the end he had a fitful sleep and i think i napped a bit because i have a really stiff neck!

He seems more settled this morning so hopefully he is starting to recover from the infection.

OP posts: