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Life-limiting illness

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DH has a brain tumour

350 replies

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 06/01/2019 15:05

I've posted before about my DH, who was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in 2017. He had a lung removed, chemotherapy, and was told the cancer had spread to the lymph nodes but was dormant. His last oncology appointment in November was quite positive and he was cleared to go on holiday in Germany in December.

While we were away I noticed that his memory was quite bad, but he's always been a bit absent minded so didn't think anything of it. He had been having headaches, but was due to have his eyes tested so again thought it was that.

Over New Year he started slurring his words, drooling, and being quite abrupt and snappy. My parents remarked that his personality had changed and wondered if it was his meds.

Yesterday I couldn't understand anything he said, so against his wishes phoned 111, who spoke to him and sent an ambulance. He got very distressed and stopped speaking, so that his speech couldn't be assessed. The paramedics thought he had had a stroke but he wasn't meeting all the FAST markers. When he got to a&e they sent him for a brain scan and the results showed that the cancer has spread into his brain. He has two lesions and a tumour, which is "not small". He was put on steroids and is now going to be an inpatient for the foreseeable future.

I am devastated. I don't know what to expect, he hasn't seen his oncologist yet but she is due to come round today or tomorrow. His speech is even worse today and he is speaking out of one side of his mouth only, and drooling every time he speaks. He's in denial and is convinced he's going home tomorrow, even though I have tried to break it to him that he won't be.

Had anyone been in this position? What do I need to ask the oncologist? Any tips for what could make him more comfortable? What happens next? Please be gentle.

OP posts:
citychick · 30/01/2019 14:13

OP, take care. You are in my thoughts.
Flowers

Riotingbananas · 30/01/2019 15:24

Glad you've got some privacy Gretchen. I hope your DH is peaceful and comfortable and that you get all the love and support you need Flowers

daduck · 30/01/2019 15:26
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bexcee · 30/01/2019 15:55

Sending you my best wishes, not a nice place to be Thanks

LadyLapsang · 30/01/2019 15:58
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mommybear1 · 30/01/2019 16:01
Thanks
Whatdoyouknowwhenyouknownowt · 30/01/2019 16:04
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frenchonion · 30/01/2019 16:11

My heart is breaking for you. I'm so sorry this is happening Flowers

notapizzaeater · 30/01/2019 16:14

I'm so sorry it's all happening so quick 😢

Xuli · 30/01/2019 16:20

Flowers for all of you, and hopes that everything is as ok as it can possibly be for you xx

onedayiwillmissthis · 30/01/2019 16:24

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I lost my husband just over a year ago to cerebral metastases. He survived 6 months from his first seizure (we had been told he only had weeks).

I nursed him at home till the end. It was tough I will not lie. There are times now when I wish he had chosen to go into hospice...because I was just so exhausted with the actual physical nursing, lack of sleep and emotional distress of losing my darling husband. But it was his choice.

You mentioned POA. I'm afraid it is probably too late as his thinking is already compromised.

Again, I am so sorry for you.

Oddsocksandmeatballs · 30/01/2019 16:27

Much love to you and your family Flowers

HexeSauerkraut · 30/01/2019 16:28

Gretchen I’m so very sorry. Sending you lots of love. I lost my DH to a brain tumour nearly three years ago. There aren’t really words to describe it, except it’s just so unfair and so shit. Take all the support that you can, I hope you have loving family and friends. Flowers

CoperCabana · 30/01/2019 16:34

Oh goodness. My heart goes out to you. Hope he is as comfortable as he can be.

thekingfisher · 30/01/2019 16:55

Gretchen - wishing you strength to continue coping so well..I'm sorry its so bad for you - You are in my thoughts

FireFlyFleur · 30/01/2019 17:12

Thinking of you Flowers

friskybivalves · 30/01/2019 17:45

I'm so sorry, too, Gretchen. Echoing another poster - this is just an internet site but my thoughts are with you and DH tonight.

Cornishclio · 30/01/2019 18:22

So sorry for you and your DH. Tragic he has gone downhill so quickly. Take care of yourself and hope you have lots of RL support.

Lolly86 · 30/01/2019 18:22

Thinking of you Flowers

Nix32 · 30/01/2019 18:38

I am so sorry for you and your family. You are in my thoughts xx

MadisonAvenue · 30/01/2019 19:12

Thinking of you all Flowers

yorkshirepud44 · 30/01/2019 19:23

This is such a moving thread and I just want to add to the voices of support and let you know you're in my thoughts too. Thanks

effiehabb · 30/01/2019 19:29

I am so sorry this is happening to you and your lovely family, it's so utterly shit FlowersFlowersFlowers

Ticcinalong · 30/01/2019 19:36

So very sorry. Sending love to you, your DH and your family Flowers

Torvi · 30/01/2019 20:00

Oh Gretchen Thanks