Fuck it all, my cancer has spread

[elportodelgato]

Hoping someone is out there similarly unable to sleep.

I had breast cancer in 2014, found out it had spread to my bones last October & now (yesterday) was told I have small tumours in both lung and liver.

I'm waiting to find out what my options are but the stupid thing is that I feel COMPLETELY FINE.

My oncologist has been trying to give me some positives, but it all seems completely bloody hopeless tbh. My DH & I celebrated 10yrs of marriage this year and my darling DC are just 6 and 9

Not sure what I'm asking here more than a hand hold tbh. I'm exhausted but I can't sleep.

[AFingerofFudge]

Hi elporto - wondering how you got on with the new doctor and if there's any news?

[elportodelgato]

Thanks for remembering me! I spent a very long day at the hospital yesterday but I do now know my options and thankfully there are lots of options for me at the moment and none of them are chemo yet.
So I'm holding tight. And I have decisions to make this week.

After 7 hours at hospital I also went for an epic run last night as a huge 2 fingers to my lung mets then I drank fizzy wine

[Frazzled2207]

That’s brilliant news. And good on you for going for a run, just been myself and nothing like it for putting oneself in a positive mindset. X

[Theworldisfullofidiots]

Sounds crass but your news has cheered me up on a crappy day

[WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo]

I’m glad you’ve got non-chemo options. Good luck with your decision and well done on your run!

[Pannalash]

Lots of options is great news. Run and fizzy wine sounds like the best medicine of all. Sending you warmest wishes.

[Apileofballyhoo]

I'm glad you had good news at the hospital, elporto.

[thatsahairballnotabloodysweet]

Hi all,
My bf was diagnosed nearly 10 years ago with breast cancer, she had mastectomy followed by chemo then radio, then hesep, she was clear of cancer between march and sept of year 5 unfortunately it returned in September and brought its arsewipe mates. So doom and gloom as we are now doing 1week chemo, 1week bone injections and 1 week hesep. But it's not doom and gloom, she has worked full time ( for the most part) she has got 3 of 5 kids through school and 2 have left uni with 1sts she has been amazing and continues to do 25k walks, lead a scout troop despite having in the dr's words ' more mets than he count ' they are now in her throat, brain, spine, bone etc but she is determined to get the last 2 out of the education system and be a granny.
If you ask her secret she will tell you " cancer is like labour, lots of pain and screaming and fear to start with them you settle for the long haul and when you're ready for the final push, you know " she's nowhere near ready for her final push I hope that came across as positive as I wanted hth

[Xoticdreamz]

Check you lady with the run and fizzy wine! You sound amazing. Big huge hand hold.

[GinandGingerBeer]

Sending you much love elporto. You sound strong as an ox with a great mental attitude to boot. Fuck cancer it can fothfsoftfosm!
Full translation available if required!

[Note3]

Elporto (and you other fighters on this thread), you are incredible. Your strength, cheer and ability to inject humour in the face of everything is truly admirable. I am genuinely thrilled there are lots of options available at this stage. No matter what you choose, please know it's not wrong regardless of the outcome. You can't know how the shit C will respond and hopefully you will kick its arse. You are strong.

Oh crikey, everything I type, I read back and think it sounds stupid or patronising. I hope it doesn't come across that way, hard to write down what I'm trying to say.

I wish you all the energy and strength you need for the fight ahead.

[bianglala]

[sandgrown]

Love your attitude Elporto. And your friend sounds amazing Itsahairball. Good luck to all women fighting this horrible disease

[wannabestressfree]

I start chemo/ immunotherapy tomorrow at 11.3o as have crohns and the mother of all tumours under my bag (colostomy). Skin is paper thin and all remaining bowl outside stomach wall. Not viable for surgery as lungs bad due to mega doses of steroids and last time they couldn’t put me to sleep.
Was hoping for an early night but ds2 who is in sixth from has not had a good day and was quite rude to me when I took him to work. He got in late crying and I think it’s all too much. I don’t even look like the same person I did. I try and work but as I am teacher they advised staying off until treatment started as I kept getting chest infections. Seeing specialist nurse Thursday and next week. Last time I saw surgeon he said how urgent treatment was and that ‘ I was lucky I wasn’t dead’ I have emergency care plan etc. I can’t die it’s not possible and my sons need me.

Sorry for jumping in. I just feel a bit low tonight- from my new bed on the sofa :)

[Noscrubs]

All the best for tomorrow wannabestressfree

[TeaisLife]

Cancer is such a bastard.


Kick its ass girl!!!

[2017SoFarSoGood]

Wannabe sounds like a shit storm that didn't reckon with your stubbornness. That's a compliment.

Itsahairball your friend sounds amazing. Truly inspiring.

Elporto the run and fuzzy wine. Epic.

I read these snippets of life with this bastard interloper and am in awe of what women can do. Can be. Are. It brings me to tears of pride and rage that you have to be so much.

💐💐💐💐💐 to everyone.

[wannabestressfree]

Thanks ladies hope everyone has a good day. I am knackered and no one wanted to go to school today :(

[Note3]

Wannabe - the school run is tough isn't it! My kids love weekends so they can slob about. You can breathe now and maybe do something for yourself?

[wannabestressfree]

Am off to the hospital now for round one (ding ding) :)
School is the best place for them today. They have all been a bit confused, teary, upset the last couple of days. Roll on half term- luckily we get two weeks.

[Note3]

Wishing you a hassle free day today then.

And OP I hope you're holding together ok

[WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo]

wannabe which regime are you on? I have bowel cancer too. I don’t want to derail the thread, but you’re welcome on the cancer thread if you’d like to chat about it all. There’s a few of us with bowel cancer. I hope today went smoothly

[wannabestressfree]

Will pop over when I can stay awake :) thank you x

[echt]

The run sounds good, elporto.

This one's for you:

[gardenfence]

Dear elportodelgato. Your are not alone. We do not know each other but I send you Love.

If you can, surround yourself with it and be kind to yourself, it's ok to feel hopeless, you will have good days and bad, so don't be afraid to ask for help to get you through the days where you need a little help.

As you prepare to take on this big shit aka cancer. Remember to nurture yourself with good food, rest, friendship and laughter, get some sun on your face whenever you can and do things that bring you joy to help you take each day as it comes.

For the shit days, focus on the things that you can be grateful for, writing how you feel down on paper is a proven method for helping your brain process your thoughts and will make you feel better than talking as it allows you to organise your thoughts.

This all feels so cliche but is intended sincerely , sometimes you just don't need advice you just need a hug so I send you a big warm hug across the ether to wrap around yourself.

Each day at a time. You've got this.