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Life-limiting illness

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Original poster

sitting in breast cancer clinic and terrified

51 replies

MonicaLewinskisFlange · 05/07/2016 10:23

I've found a lump and have been referred by my gp to hospital. Don't know what to expect and fearing the worst. Mum had breast cancer in the past but after treatment is now in remission. Can't tell family as don't want them to worry, but I feel very alone. It might be nothing (fingers and toes crossed). Any advice gratefully accepted.

OP posts:

notapizzaeater · 05/07/2016 10:24

You're bound to be terrified, but you are in the right place.

thesandwich · 05/07/2016 10:25

Sending a hand to hold. No expertise to add but I know most lumps mean nothing and it is good to get it checked so quickly. Have a look at the tamoxigang threads- tons of v wise women.

ImperialBlether · 05/07/2016 10:27

I hope everything's alright. I wish you had someone with you - it must be really stressful.

Emochild · 05/07/2016 10:28

I went to the breast clinic alone because I didn't want to worry anyone

Similar family history to yourself

I was absolutely bricking it

I had a breast exam and then was sent for an ultrasound (too young for a mammogram)

Turned out it was nothing to worry about and I was grateful I was referred under the 2 week protocol

Whatever your outcome it's always better to know 😊

Chasingsquirrels · 05/07/2016 10:29

I hope it is good news.
Pease tell your closest family/friends as they will want to be there for you.

CiderwithBuda · 05/07/2016 10:30

It is terrifying. But you are in th best place. Not quite the same as I didn't find a lump but I got called back after a mammogram in Feb. Had another mammogram, and a biopsy there and then and was diagnosed with DCIS which is Ductal Carcinoma in Situ. It hadn't spread. I had two surgeries - second one as they hadn't removed enough of the safety margin around the dodgy bit. Then had three weeks of radiotherapy which finished 3 weeks ago. I'm doing fine.

The staff were all amazing. And once I started telling people it was amazing how many people knew someone wh had had some form of breast cancer or a lump removed etc and we're still here after years. 40 years in one friends case!

Fingers crossed you will be the same.

PotteringAlong · 05/07/2016 10:30

weebarra · 05/07/2016 10:30

9/10 lumps are innocent. Have a look for the Tamoxigang threads under general health, the women there are hugely supportive. I was told immediately that my lumps were malignant, but for most it's the waiting that is most difficult. Good luck!

pepperrabbit · 05/07/2016 10:32

In general you can expect a mammogram, then an ultrasound then, depending on the clinic they may do a biopsy on the lump. They should explain everything that is happening, and do ask as many questions as you want.
Some clinics give results on the day, some will call you back (usually a 2 week wait).
If you don't get the reassurance today then pop over to the tamoxigang thread to wait for the results, we're very friendly! (and we spend a lot of time waiting for results) . We're in "General Health" if you're searching.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 05/07/2016 10:36

I understand how you're feeling but please try not to worry.

I also had to have a lump checked out a couple of years ago, having lost lots of family members to cancer previously. I was convinced that was what I had.

After an examination with a consultant & an ultrasound scan I was told it was a simple swollen lymph node. Nothing at all of concern. In fact I left feeling like I'd wasted the consultant's time!

Fingers crossed for you .

PeppaAteMySoul · 05/07/2016 10:40

Hope everything is okay for you. Remember most breast lumps are completley benign and 9/10 people who are sent to hospital with an urgent referral don't have cancer. I know how scary it must be for you but try not to worry until you know more

2madboys · 05/07/2016 10:45

Hope all is ok.

I have a big family history of breast cancer on my Mum's side. Although we don't have the gene, we are still classed as high risk. My Mum has had breast cancer (25 years ago and is now fine!), but myself and my two sisters have all found lumps, which turned out to be nothing, so please try not to worry.

Meandyouandyouandme · 05/07/2016 10:48

I was in a breast clinic yesterday with a lump. Had an examination, mammogram and then a scan. It was a large cyst, that was then drained. All done in less than an hour, the staff were all so kind. Hope you get a good result too

WomanActually · 05/07/2016 10:57

I was in the same situation last year, with similar family background, told dh though as he could tell something was wrong. It was nice having him with me, but at the same time I was worrying about him worrying, as well as my own worry if that makes sense?

I want to tell you not to worry, but I know it's pointless, you are in the best place, hope you are not waiting around too long, and that you are home with great news ASAP

trevortrevorslatterfry · 05/07/2016 10:59

You are in the best place

My mum found a lump a couple of years ago and it was bad news but thanks to the amazing NHS she is still here and in remission and going strong.

WomanActually · 05/07/2016 11:00

Meant to add, my lumps were also not cancer

Original poster

MonicaLewinskisFlange · 05/07/2016 11:58

Thanks all so much. I'm a bit tearful at all the lovely words of support. I feel so out of my depth.

I had a mammogram which didn't hurt a bit and I thought it would be agony. Then an ultrasound. They found two lumps which were then biopsied. Got to wait a week for results. Likely benign they said. So I'm hoping too.

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IrritableBitchSyndrome · 05/07/2016 12:19

I'm going next Wednesday. I have told my family, as I needed childcare for my little one. I'm terrified. My DH, and mum appear unconcerned/not interested as far as I can tell. My mum had a mastectomy at 60 due to BC, and has told us various versions of whether or not my sister and I are at higher risk. I think she can't remember.

MonicaLewinskisFlange - glad you got through today ok. I can empathise completely with feeling out of your depth. It's reassuring that they said it was likely your lumps were benign. They must see thousands of women and have a pretty good idea of what's what! I bet you'll be feeling so relieved next week, by the time I get to my appointment! :) Try to keep busy in the meantime to make the waiting go faster.

Original poster

MonicaLewinskisFlange · 05/07/2016 12:55

Thanks irritable . I hope yours goes well next week. The staff at my hospital were lovely. Made getting mebaps out a bit less awful! I expect they rarely see clothed women at work, lol. All women nurses and doctors, and so kind and reassuring.
I can't tell my mum, even though I want to seek her advice and experiences, as she lives far away and will just stress out. She has enough to worry about with her own health. I have told DH who appears unconcerned. Either he doesn't care or he is hiding it. He's not very good at hiding anything. Actually, I think he just can't deal with it so finds it easier to pretend it's not happening. Not much help to me though.

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WomanActually · 05/07/2016 13:00

Glad the mammogram didn't hurt OP, and I hope the next week does not drag out too long for you, the waiting and my imagination was one of the hardest parts but keeping myself distracted with little things that I like stopped my mind from wandering to dark places. Had the best declutter of my life while waiting for results as the amount of clutter and crap around the house just didn't seem important anymore.

I don't know if this is something other women have done but I developed a habit of feeling my boobs all the time, at first it was to check if lump was getting bigger and then it was checking to make sure no more had appeared and now it's become subconscious anf if my hands are not busy they are prodding my breast dh has invented a coded cough where he says "tits" to let me know I'm poking about at my boobs in the middle of asda etc.

Original poster

MonicaLewinskisFlange · 05/07/2016 13:09

I'm terrified of getting cancer TBH. Always have. It feels like a sword of Damocles hanging over my head, just a matter of time before it hits me. Doctor told me today one in ten people get breast cancer at some time in their life. That's horrifying.
It's not the cancer itself, I'm happy to have treatment, bits chopped off, whatever it takes to survive, I think its the fear of dying and leaving my kids without a mum. DH would not cope on his own. My DSs would be really badly affected. My DDs less so as they are older and independent.
I have had three close encounters with my own mortality in the past 5 years. A major accident and two separate medical events. When I had a life threatening condition two years ago, which is still hanging around a bit but less acute, I don't think my DH really took it seriously at all. He certainly didn't change his behaviour which was contributing to my condition. I feel very let down by that and have trouble letting it go. I've told him and he says I'm nagging and the past is the past.
Sorry for going on a bit, but I have no other outlet for this stuff. I'd be happy to hear from others about how their DPs dealt with their illness.
If I get the all clear I will tell my family, as then it's just nothing for them to stress over.
Should I ask to move this thread? I feel like a fraud raising issues here and whinging about my DH when others are facing serious illness and bereavement.

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WomanActually · 05/07/2016 13:14

Either he doesn't care or he is hiding it. He's not very good at hiding anything. Actually, I think he just can't deal with it so finds it easier to pretend it's not happening. Not much help to me though.

My dh was the same, once he knew I was ok he cried with relief, he's not the type who talks about feelings and sticks his head in sand. He said afterwards he was worried sick, and frightened too but didn't want to let it show because he didn't want to scare me. Because of his head in the sand attitude, I know something is bad when he does show signs of worrying and that makes me worry even more if that makes sense?

Is your relationship with him ok in general? If it is, then it's more likely he doesn't know what to do or how to act and is doing the pretend it's not happening, rather than him not caring about you.

Is he coming with you when you get results?

irritable I hope next week goes well for you too

Original poster

MonicaLewinskisFlange · 05/07/2016 13:15

Thanks womanactually. It made me smile thinking of random boob fondling in asda, and I needed to smile today!
It didn't help that it took me three months after finding the lump to woman up and go see my gp.
The decluttering is brilliant advice. Thanks for that. My house is usually cleaned to an inch of it's life when I'm fuming about something, but ive never tried de cluttering whilst stressed and worried. Will give it a try. God knows I have too much crap to clear!

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WomanActually · 05/07/2016 13:17

Ignore back end my last post, took me so long to type you'd updated.

Original poster

MonicaLewinskisFlange · 05/07/2016 13:19

To answer your question womanactually , no it isn't. That's a whole other thread that I haven't created. not ready for all the LTB advice yet

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