I think my DH is dying

[Hellenbach]

I can't sleep. It's been 13 years since DH was originally diagnosed with cancer. He had a big operation and we had many years of good health.

Then it came back and it's been a rocky road of different treatments over the past few years.

We are running out of treatment options now. He is currently on no treatment as the last one stopped working.

I can't believe how much he has deteriorated in the last few weeks. He has been bed bound for 6 days, barely eating and in pain. He is skin and bone and sleeps all day.

On Thursday he is going into hospital for radionuclide therapy. They will inject him with radioactive medicine. He has to stay in a lead lined room for 24 hours.

When he comes home he has to sleep in a separate bed for two weeks. We can't touch him for two weeks either. He has explained this to Ds1 who is 9 and very upset about it.

DS2 is 5 and has learning difficulties so is less aware.

I just don't know how DH will tolerate the treatment when he is so weak and frail. We are hoping it will stabilise the cancer. We won't know if it's worked until several weeks afterwards.

Just need a bit of hand holding.

Sending you all of my love. My heart is with yours.

Oh Hellenbach I am so very sorry you have said goodbye to him.

Wishing you and your boys peace, love and strength as you deal with these difficult times. And then wishing you courage and sweet memories as you move forwards in life without him.

Thinking of you all xxx

I am so very sorry for the loss of your husband& the boys dad, he will not be suffering now. Love to you all at this sad& difficult time xx

So unutterably sad Hellen, wishing you strength as you move towards the future without your beloved by your side. Sending you and your dear children much love.

The funeral will be on Wednesday. I have been busy with the arrangements and it just doesn't seem real at the moment.
Because DH was in hospital for two months we are all used to him not being in the house. It feels like he is just away, not dead.
I guess it will sink in after the funeral?

I'm guessing you'll deal with it all in your own time and in the way that's right for you, Hellen.
Take things as they come and deal with them as you see fit.
It's the only advice I can give you....
Whatever you feel is right for you.

I'm sure realization will dawn soon Hellen and we will all be here when it does. I cannot even begin to imagine how difficult this is for you and your DC. Just know that there are thousands of strangers wishing you well and holding you in their thoughts.

I'm so sorry for your loss, I've been following your thread for the past while. Sending my thoughts and prayers.

I don't know Hellen, it might take a lot longer. I think often the funeral can give some relief in terms of the 'finality' of it, but sometimes it's all a bit surreal and doesn't give you that. I guess there are no rights or wrongs and it just takes time.

Thinking of you and your boys xx

It does seem be so often the case that dealing with the funeral can act as a buffer to the full realisation of the death. I hope all goes well on the day and that there is joy for a life well-lived in with the sadness.

to you and your boys, Hellen

Another who is sending love and strength to you and your boys xx

So sorry for your loss Hellen. All the best to you and your boys x

I'm so sorry about your husband. It's shit. Lots of love to you and your children

Hi Hellen, rubbish isn't it? With my son's funeral I felt almost like I was playing a part in a play; it felt surreal. Five months on and it still feels unreal and I just think, at times that he is out with friends. Keep going. 💐

Lots of love to you all, I'm thinking of you often xx

Thinking of you and your children as you say goodbye today xx

have just seen this; you poor lamb- you and your family are in my thoughts

So sorry to read about your husband Hellen. Sending cwtches to you and your children. Such sad news X

So sorry Helen, it sounds like you've been so strong for so long thinking of you and your children xx

Hello, Hellen. Sending best wishes and hope that all went well for you and your boys at your DH's funeral.

I have also been thinking of you Hellen.

I do hope you are coping ok, awful though everything must be. Words fail me, but just wanted to reach out. I hope in amongst the grief there are happy memories you can draw on for strength.

Hi Hellen. Haven't seen you around lately and just wanted to check in to see how you were coping.

Thanks for your lovely messages. I am in France with my Ds's staying with mil. It's what we have done every summer and I wasn't sure whether to come. But the thought of 6 weeks at home swayed me!
It's been tough. Everything here reminds me of DH. We have some of his ashes and will scatter them here.
DS1 is currently sleeping with them
under his pillow ☹️.
Good news is that we are all talking about DH constantly remembering things we did with him here last year.
I feel like we were all as well prepared as we could be for what happened and that must help in the long run.
Sending love to all of you going through this.