Dh diagnosed with lymphoma last night

[GuyMartinsSideburns]

i think exhaustion from crying knocked me to sleep last night but now I'm wide awake and my headache won't go.

Feels like it's a nightmare, first doctor said gastritis back in jan, then recently possibly Crohn's disease, and yesterday dh got this diagnosis after further scans etc,

We're waiting for more tests to find out exactly what we're dealing with.

I'm so worried. My mind is racing like crazy and I can't help thinking the worst. We're renovating our first home at the moment and due to move in during the summer hols, dh has a business that I'm now wondering how will manage, and with moving I'm going to be alone dealing with this. That sounds selfish I know and isn't my intention, I'm just aware of how strong I need to be for dh and our children and I'm terrified of what might be around the corner and how il cope. I'm nc with my family.

I just can't believe this is happening. Dh is 38. Any hand holding would be really appreciated right now, sorry for rambling.

Hi op, missed this before, thinking of you Al

Thanks QOD x

Good luck with the piano lessons! I think situations like the one you're in encourage you to say sod it to quite a lot of things.

Yes I think so too Lizs, for someone who's always been far too bothered about other ppls opinions of me it's been surprisingly refreshing. Funny it had to happen now, really.

Thinking of you and wishing you all the best for the scan results

Thank you Birgitz

Found out we'll get the results in about a months time. I'm in an awful state, my mind is racing. I don't know how to run a business and I'd be left with it. I don't know how to negotiate with builders etc but there's so much needs doing on the house. I don't know how to stupid little things that I should. Dh has been incredibly upset today, he's broken down a few times and I am terrified that the treatment won't work and he will leave us I'm hours away from my family, I don't want to be left here

Hi Guy. So sorry to hear you're struggling, do you have strategies in place to help you manage your racing mind etc? Could you enquire with GP or one of the cancer charities about support for yourself?

Or maybe google a helpful book or something? Sorry, I hope I'm not being annoying, I can't imagine how you must be feeling. But it is important for you to stay as well as you can....

I can't remember if you've mentioned before...do you have practical support from family/friends? Now is the time to call in favours and tell people you need help.

to you

Hi 1234 thanks for your reply. I haven't been to the gp about it, I was on meds years ago for anxiety and depression and I think I'm a bit scared about being put on something again. Part of me thinks 'well it's nearly over now, there's no need'. I have friends where we used to live, it's not a great distance but I can't walk to them and I'm too anxious to drive to them. They say to me "call me if I can do anything/take you anywhere/get you anything" etc but I'm too stubborn to ask, Im the type that appreciates knowing that there are people thinking of us but I'd never feel able to actually call on that help. I also don't know what they could actually do to help me. I don't need to get anywhere etc, does that make sense? Your post didn't annoy me at all, I appreciate all the time and support people are giving me on here. Every single post has helped tremendously, even if only to know we are being thought of.

We find out the results in 3 weeks. Dh has had a much more positive few days which is great but I'm still just in that state of dread. I'm dreading so much the day of the results, I can imagine myself walking down the corridor, waiting in the waiting area, and how sick I will feel once we're called into the Drs office. I feel sick now thinking about it. No doubt il be here again needing support.

Thanks again everyone x

oh and the piano lesson was most enjoyable. I'm now on the lookout for a piano of my own, and God help the neighbours!

Please try and think positively. My 25 year old sister had the most difficult type of Hodgkin's lymphoma to treat and it was so advanced when it was found that she was originally told she had terminal lung cancer. However, 10 years on she is classed as cured rather than in remission and has got 2 babies.

Having this experience of cancer does change you forever and I mourned the carefree person I used to be. I do have to live with and manage my cancer anxiety. However, it does change you in many positive ways too. I now longer worry about the silly, little things in life that other people do worry about. We are now possibly one of the closest families in the world and appreciate each other so much.

All I would say is it is a good idea to keep an eye on what DH is eating. While he is underweight then obviously getting calories into him is the main thing but in order to build himself back up it is important he tries to eat as healthy a diet as possible. His body has been through a lot and he needs to look after it.

Make sure you look after yourself. When we reflect back on it my sister says that we actually suffered more than her. Sometimes it is harder to watch a loved one suffer than going through it yourself.

Oh and I was the one diagnosed with PTSD a year after my sister's treatment had ended, she has successfully managed to put it out of her mind and get on with life so it does affect people in different ways.

I found CBT useless for me but then I had 6 months with an NHS clinical psychologist who helped me know end. Maybe it's worth looking into talking therapies for all of the family and finding out which one works for you.

Hi Piratepete, thanks for your messages. I feel that your posts resonate with how I've started to feel, I don't think I care quite so much now about the small things because really none of it matters. I used to be so anxious about all sorts - I used to have to keep a real check on things because at bad points the anxiety would be so bad I wasn't able to leave the house - even to peg out the washing! This was years ago now though. I'm definitely much closer to my brother now too which is lovely, we live hundreds of miles apart but he's always there for me when Ive had a wobble and I hope to visit him soon after this is over.

A friend of ours dad also had nh lymphoma, he's in remission now but when I was talking to our friend about how I felt he said that both him and his dad felt that his mother (my friends mother) had definitely taken it the worst and struggled terribly during the time. Dh says the same - that he worries about how upset I've been, says he can see the worry on my face. I can completely see how you were diagnosed with PTSD, I really think I'm in for a crash when we've had the scan results but I've told my best mate and she's ready for it...

I hear you about eating properly, it's something we try and do anyway but it doesn't hurt to make the extra effort. I need to make a Drs appt to discuss and hopefully book the men b jabs so I will mention talking therapies. The children definitely need something I think. This is so huge

How are you OP? And how are your DH and the kids? I've been thinking of you.

Hi OP I have just read through all your posts and wondered how things are. I was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma and 8 years down the line I'm still here and doing fine. It wasn't easy I suffered with anxiety for a couple of years afterwards and it's still always there in the back of my mind. What I wanted to suggest to you was getting in touch with the Willow Foundation (willowfoundation.org.uk) they arrange special days for 16 - 40 year olds. Your husband can do anything from a meal at the Shard, a trip to the Grand Prix or pretty much anything he desires. I myself had a few days at Centre Parcs with my DS and my parents. Willow Foundation arrange and pay for everything they are truly amazing. You all deserve a special time so please get in touch with them.

1234 - hello I'm doing ok thank you. Finding these few weeks tough but regardless, they're passing by and soon enough we shall know. Dh has been going to work etc and says he hasn't felt this well for such a long time. He's tired after work but it's 'normal' tired and I think he's happy for it. The kids are doing okay too, the older two have had a bit of an attitude at times but I guess that's normal

passme- thanks for your post. Glad to read that you've come through the other side of a similar situation. I do worry sometimes about the enormity of the worry I will always carry around with me after this, it's never going to leave me alone and that's not a nice thought at all. I will definitely look at the Willow Foundation, thank you very much for suggesting it. I know that we could all do with something once this is over, the kids most definitely. Scan is this coming week, results the week after. Even if the news is what I am hoping for I think I will be in for a drop, after holding everything together for so long.

He's having the scan as I type! Just over a week to wait now x

Hugs.. Just read the thread, do hope it's good news for your family next week!

Thank you reward

Just seen this thread. What a nightmare for you. Fingers crossed that everything is positive for you next week. And now you need to start taking care of yourself.

Great to hear your DH has been feeling well and benefitting from being at work. I do hope that is a good sign and you get good news next week. Hope you all have a good week and don't spend too much energy on worry time on worrying about the scan results. Let us know how you get on.

Thanks both of you. Yes I do need to start concentrating on myself a bit, my diets gone to crap - I usually low carb but haven't felt like cooking or eating much, or one day il eat properly and the next il live off coffee and something I shouldnt like toast. If I'm feeling positive about it all it's easier but if I'm having a rubbish day I don't have the energy for much and just want to sleep. I'm feeling a bit meh today. I posted in stately homes recently due to issues with 'friends' of ours, I'm struggling with the fact that some people can be arseholes and still land on their feet, have no consequences to their actions etc yet some people like Dh can do their best all the bloody time and end up with this shit. I'm not trying to be all 'poor me', it's just not fucking fair is it. (Disclaimer - I'm not for one minute saying anyone 'deserves' cancer! Goodness no.) I just don't want this shit to eat me up. I don't want to carry bitterness around with me. The children have been angry their dad is ill and I've had to say to them - you cant try and understand why cos you will drive yourself crazy, it's nothing daddy's done, there was nothing he could do to prevent it. It's just terribly bad luck. I'm struggling to take my own advice!

Realistically I know if the cancer hasn't gone there are lots of other things that can be tried, I just want this over now.

The nurse/Dr dh saw at the scan explained how the pet scans work and he was looked after well. She said that if the scan has flagged anything up that they weren't expecting then we will obv hear from dh's consultant before our appointment next week. That's made me a little anxious, if dh phones to tell me that I'm going to freak the hell out. This (hopefully) last week is going to be difficult.

Thanks for all the hand holding, as usual xx

Struggling a bit. I'm short tempered and pushing people away, I just can't be doing it. The anxiety has been getting too much, I havent driven since we moved here and the anxiety about that also has gone through the roof. I made a Drs appointment for this morning, I had to admit to myself that despite my best efforts I can't get over this by myself. These last few weeks have been as scary and upsetting as when we first found out. We've got less than a week to go now. Anyway the Dr prescribed me citalopram (sp?) I haven't started yet as I've things planned over the weekend so have thought maybe Monday, if I decide to at all. The Dr said I didn't have to take them but that they would help. I'm scared to take them, was on ad's for years aged 18 and they got really hard work tbh and I don't want to go down that road again. i guess if they help it'll be worth it, just some of the side effects I've read on here don't sound so great.

You've done amazingly to get this far. Try and think about how well you have coped so far - I bet so much better than you could have imagined!? I am a great believer in trying other options before meds, but in your situation, I would be doing whatever I could to cope with what life was throwing my way. Don't make anything harder than it has to be. Thinking of you.

Word - thanks for your reply. I've always been the same re trying other things first, just with this I guess there's not really a lot more I can do until I know what's what. It's the biggest thing I've ever had to deal with, silly as it sounds I feel a bit disappointed in myself that I had to 'resort' to this(!) but I think it was the best option, I've tried for as long as I can remember. So yes I agree that right now Im doing whatever it takes! I guess I've coped better than I ever thought I'd have been able to. I'll try not to think too much about the meds, I guess I don't have to stay on them.