Needles and Neutrophils: The Hobnob Chronicles

[biscuitsandbandages]

Four weeks today I woke in my own bed with my 8 week old daughter in my arms and waited for the inevitable sounds of approaching 4 and 6 year old boys. I had everything I had every dreamed of. Life was difficult and tiring but we were getting there and I had plans for the summer and dreams for our family's future together.

Twelve hours later I was on CCU plugged into a monitor with fluid around my heart secondary to a diagnosis of adult T cell acute lymphoblastic leukaemia. I've not been home since.

Statistically my chances aren't great but statistics don't apply to individuals and leukaemia hasn't met me before. My personal survival statistics calculated by me and based on stubbornness, amazing support from family, friends and my mumsnet backup crew and the healing powers of 3 small children are 100% and I won't accept less.

I have superpowers. I have grown three entire human beings. Piddly little leukaemic cells haven't got a hope.

But.....at times I am very scared. This should not be happening to me. It's was not how I planned to spend my maternity leave. My precious year when I was just going to be their mum and nothing else.

This is my second thread but I'm not going to link back as I'm moving forward. Thank you for moving forward with me.

Biscuits x

Will be thinking of you today; another step on the road to remission. Hope the meeting goes well.

Hope it all goes well today biscuits - you've got an army of mnetters out here sending positive vibes to you and death rays to the cancer cells :-)

Hope everything goes well today biscuits. I'm packing as me and the two littlest ones are staying with my mum for radiotherapy. DS1 and DH will stay here as they have work and school. I'll be back at weekends but am going to miss them.

Thinking of you Biscuits - hope the meeting gives you some clear answers.

Good luck Weebarra too. Will be thinking of you too.

Hi biscuits, have not posted for a few days...had some bad news about my darling dad this week.
Sending lots of good luck for todays treatment xx

Hope all goes well today. I have not been posting much but you are often in my thoughts.

Stay stale lovely Biscuits and Weebarra xx

Hope things have gone ok today, with treatment & meetings, biscuits. Been thinking of you. Hope you got some helpful and reassuring answers.

Hope your day was alright, biscuits and you have some answers to your questions.

Popping in to add wishes for stale-ness and whatever you need to cope with Round 2: I'm no medic, but it sounds to me as though you're doing really well Biscuits, even on days when it doesn't feel like it. Hope you got your dedicated 'chat time' and were well listened and responded to. It makes such a difference, IME.

Big fat (carbohydrate biscuit-type fed) hugs x

Hi there. Just hoping the chat went ok...

Slept through today.
No energy at all.
Chat was ok I think. Too tires to digest post discussion thoughts but she listened.
God this is awful.

It's good that you managed to sleep today - your body must be craving rest and I guess your emotions need the break too.

One minute, one hour at a time Biscuits. You can do it because your are amazing.

x

Stay strong biscuits, stay strong.xxx

Biscuits, rest well this weekend in preparation for next week. My prayers for you will ask for the strength you need to carry on when it seems you can take no more and an extra special prayer that you are already now in remission. Take it easy xxx

Rest, sleep, recover - onwards! You CAN do this.
Xx

This round of chemo is knocking you around, imagine what it's doing to those little cancer cells.

It sounds like you are having a really hard time but you are another day closer to being done biscuits

Keep going, strong lady. I guess this all part of the horrible, difficult, unfair process. Don't be afraid to lean on your support through the difficult bits. Not much consolation at the moment, granted, but you'll emerge stronger for this in every way.

Thoughts with you, as ever.

Hi biscuits, I've been a longtime lurker on MN although I'm not yet a parent but your post prompted me to join and send you a message. I'm a fellow T cell ALL survivor. I was diagnosed at 15 and had 2.5 years of shitty chemo. I understand the best shot at getting shut of it once you're over 25 is by having a BMT. I had a 60% chance of getting to 5 years from diagnosis by having chemo alone and now I'm 7 years from my last chemo treatment and 9 years from diagnosis. I have late effects from chemo but I'm very much living life and so very grateful for my second chance after those dark days. I just wanted to say I know how you feel and please try not to focus on stats. Like you say it's zero or one hundred percent with no in between and treatment has come so far even from my diagnosis-stats are outdated as soon as they're written. I'm crossing everything you get into remission this time. Lots of love. Please pm me if you want to talk x

Sending you a huge bucket of energy and strength Biscuits. This must be so bloody hard for you. You must sleep and rest when you need to...you CAN beat this...you feel so tired, but deep down you are full of strength to win. Thinking about you Biscuits. xxx

I too am thinking of you

Amazing job livelove, so glad you are going string at 7 years and hope your late effects aren't too nasty.

Strong - sorry!

Hope this week is kind to you biscuits.

Good to hear your experience Livelaughlove - that's the sort of story that biscuits needs to hear.

Thinking of you today biscuits, hope you are resting and that the chemo is killing off those damn leukaemic cells