Ex Husband Suddenly "Transgender Woman"

[themidwife]

My ex husband has a history of cyclothymia, psychotic episodes, substance abuse & alcohol abuse. He had 3 affairs during our marriage and was emotionally abusive. I eventually broke free and divorced him. He moved away to a large city.
We have a 7 yo DD and last weekend she visited him and he was dressed as a woman and took her out for the day with other new transgender friends. While she was there he sent me an email telling me he has changed his name to Jennifer, was having gender reassignment treatment and our DD was "fine with it". He also said he "asserts his right not to hide away to protect his children from discrimination".
DD came home very distressed and crying about "Daddy dressing like a girl" and doesn't want to see him like that.
I texted him and asked him to dress neutrally as many women including me would at the weekend (jeans and t shirt) while she's with him to allow time for me to arrange support for her to come to terms with this and he just replied "stop sending abusive messages".
DD doesn't want to see him unless he dresses like a boy. He won't compromise.
Any advice?

Gender clinics lack a robust assessment process these days in many cases. I work in MH and am in no way transphobic but I have had grave concerns on a few occasions about the stability/illness of some people put forward for transition.

And I have known some people in the midst of a psychotic episode want to transition and this desire dissipated when the psychosis was appropriately treated.

Regardless of whether ex is genuinely trans or ill (the DSM is clear that being transgendered is not a mental illness, gender dysphoria is a diagnosis made about the distress of being trans), it is not something to be sprung on a child. If ex wants to transition there should have been lots of conversation with you about his intentions and how best to explain this to DC over a period of time.

No 'genuine' (I use that term because I can't think of another but it's not a great term) trans person that I have known has just turned up one day wearing opposite gender clothing and saying this is who they are now. There has always been a period of time before this when they talk to friends and family about their intentions so people know what their intentions are and what is going to happen e.g I'm going to change my name, you'll see me wearing opposite gender clothes, I'll be having hormone treatment and this will result in these changes etc...

Someone not doing that, particularly with a child, I would wonder if they were in the midst of a manic or psychotic episode.

Yes that's the concern. The bottom mind is she says she doesn't want to see him. I gently asked her again today if she wants to go this weekend and she said NO.
His choices are his but I will protect her from them when they disregard her feelings totally