so - who's my "dad" then?

[pixie100]

Hi there,

I am in a cp & we are about to have our 1st baby in November.

We have luckily been sucessful using a known donor - we have agreed on minimal contact. none of us want him to take the 'father' role, however we have agreed for him to be around when child wants to know where s/he came from/looks like/any medical issues etc...how this will work out in reality, we'll have to wait & see, but we are all open to working together on this.

Does anyone have any direct experience of this?

& what to say when;

1. the child asks who 'dad' is?
   
   &
   
   
2. when others ask who the childs' 'dad' is?
   
   any advice?
   
   thanks,
   
   Pixie
   x

[kandle]

Hi dogscatsandbabies,

It would be nice to know a little more about your book just to exchange ideas. We have chosen a known donor and asked him to write a little about his thoughts on donating which we will add in.

We love the idea of being able to have it as a bedtime story, that's a lovely way of affirming their identity from a really young age.

Feel free to private message us if you would like to chat some more.

[pixie100]

Congratulations dogscatsandbabies.

Pixie x

[dogscatsandbabies]

Kandle,

I've been collecting stuff for the scrap book for some time but I'm only really starting to put it together now. Seeing as we travelled to London for treatment I have ticket stubbs from planes / buses etc and planned to put those in but now I'm not so sure- can't put my finger on why it seems wrong but it does.

I need to sit down and write a narrative for the 'bedtime story' and then use photos and other things to illustrate it. I guess the difficulty is that I want it to be something that Poppy can keep into adulthood and what will be appropriate for her now and in the next few years she will quickly grow out of. If I can get the wording of the story right I'm sure the rest will be easy- I'm thinking I'll have to substitute the word insemination for 'injected with magic' or something similar but its hard to be accurate and truthful (very important) without being over clinical. Any ideas would be very welcome!

Sorry for the long delay in replying- can't yet type with my feet and Poppy is not keen on letting me do anything with my hands other than cuddle her. It's not a bad thing!

[drivingmisscrazy]

dogscats - yes, that's funny! as you know we have a known donor and am not sure what we are going to say in years to come - that DD was conceived in the Atrium in Manchester, and dc2 (currently 6 weeks pg...) in a Premier Inn in Crewe. Classy :o

[dogscatsandbabies]

driving Glad the pregnancy still continuing. Yeah, I'd maybe steer clear of the geographical specifics of that one!

I ended up writing a sort of poem type thing... I found that if you have to make the words rhyme then the fact that they maybe aren't the most accurate words doesn't matter so much. Did indeed go with the idea of needing to get magic from a special, kind man and a 'doctor who makes babies each day for mummies that can love them in just the right way'. Hope that the mention of a doctor will negate the need for actual explanation of the process!!

[drivingmisscrazy]

indeed dogscats - for a long time there was one of those freebie pencils from the Manchester place hanging about the house, which always made us smirk inexplicably...strictly on a need to know basis. Thanks Lenin (new name a nod to Masterchef? )...we keep going, although it's going v.v.v. slowly - DP feeling like shit not helpful with suddenly very lively 2.3 year old. Oy vey