5 year old says they want to be a girl

[louise1makeup2]

hello, I was wondering if anyone could offer any advice or support?

i wanna say a month or two ago, I asked my son if we could get his hair cut. He said no he wants to be a girl. I asked him why he wanted to be a girl, he said he wanted to be like mammy and wear mammys coats. I said okay darling as I want to support him either way of course. When they’re so young it’s so hard to navigate it or my feelings.

i asked him again today if we could cut his hair as I wasn’t sure if it was just the moment thing. He said no. He said he can’t wait until his hair is longer so he can be a girl. He said he likes girls things.

he has said some other stuff but it’s been in passing so I can’t remember. It’s hard to know how I feel. It’s not about my feelings of course. As he comes first, I just don’t know what I’m doing if I’m doing the right thing. Like of course he can grow his hair out. I just don’t want to upset him if he does something right and say good boy or just carry on as he’s still so young. I know it could just be a phase but I am getting upset as he’s my only child and likely won’t be having another so I already feel like I’m grieving my little boy

Just let your child be a child. You're grieving for nothing. Most likely this won't stick, but if it does then process these emotions in ten years, not now. People do end up being trans, many of them know from early on, but I really, really think you are overthinking this.

If he's 15 and persisting then you should contact Bayswater Support for advice and please don't let him ever believe he is entitled to go into female single sex spaces.

I mistakenly thought parents with previous experience would comment. Not people that don’t agree, or have nothing useful to say, commenting. Even had comments saying they don’t believe me. If that’s the case then stay off the thread?
I don’t know any other parents never mind any that have had similar to what I’ve had

Describe what a chair is in a way that includes everything that is a chair and excludes everything that isn't a chair. Then ask yourself why you think it would be easy to do the same when it comes to women.

It's Mumsnet, people are going to see this as the opportunity of the day to bang on about their political views

i do have previous experience.

You just don't agree with it.

My daughter thought she was a boy. I ignored her and let it pass.

Post puberty she is a gay autistic female. She doesn't say she's a boy anymore and now wears female cut clothes.

I never ever once contemplated the fact that my child's body might need to be mutilated.

Your first comment doesn’t even make sense because I did not directly say that.

you don’t know me or my child and how dare you ever say that I don’t safe guard him. End of.

Sorry I didn’t say I didn’t agree with it at all? I couldn’t be more open minded. I’ve said it could be just a phase and I’m okay with whatever outcome. I’m not thinking right now my son would definitely go down that route? But when other parents say that, that’s never possible, that isn’t true.

I don’t comment on other threads I’ve only a handful of times asked for advice. And I can’t believe people would sit here all day commenting negative views, tearing people down or saying that they aren’t protecting their own children. It’s ridiculous

Erm yeah I think I’ll pass on your advise

Not with 5 year old. You must do more to safeguard him. He is very impressionable. I was that age as I said and my phase lasted a good while. he is barely out of nappies and a little boy, a very young child

Tell him you love him for who he is. There’s nothing wrong with him and he doesn’t need to change a thing. He can have long hair and play with whatever he plays with and he should be accepted for what he is. Please don’t let him believe there’s something wrong with him.

But how you behave now will influence him.

He's 5. Gender should be irrelevant. My son at 5 had long hair and pushed a buggy around too. He even sometimes wore princess dresses, he's a heterosexual male.

If you are thinking that some day he might need a 'sex change', you posted this upthread then it strikes me than rather than ignoring normal 5 year old behaviour you will lead him to believe he can be a girl.

But he is not 15, he is 5. You asked for advice re your concerns about your FIVE year old, and have been given it, though sadly it appears that none of it is the advice you actually wanted.

Come back in ten years to ask for advice about your 15 year old. Though I suspect you won’t like that advice either.

My friend has a trans child and the child hasn't wavered in her views ever. Her parents are amazing supporting her over the years.

I know it's incredibly hard to get support, but transphobic mumsnet is the worst place possible.

At the moment I'd not make a big deal of it, i wouldn't change pronouns or name but also wouldn't follow the advice of drumming it into him that he's a boy!

Thankfully the younger generation are more accepting of differences.

It’s very disheartening.

So do you tell your child “don’t be silly, you can’t be a ninja”

Or, do you say “that’s nice” and go about your day?

@louise1makeup2

Just avoid saying “good boy” (which is good advice whatever the situation) Choose a different affirmation. Don’t make a big deal out of it and just carry on being his mum.

Why would you ask a five year old if he wants his hair cut?

Madness..

You tell him that he's having his hair cut and make the experience fun.

Ridiculous pandering g to a five year old will only result in tears. Your tears.

Honestly @louise1makeup2 I don’t think you are reading the responses. Your replies seem to take exception to perfectly standard advice that hair and play are not good indicators of sex and shouldn’t be forced. To be clear boys can have long hair (and have for eons) and play with dolls etc (ditto) and are still boys and girls can have short hair blah blah. 5 year olds often get daft ideas about wanting to “be” all manner of things and it is not “trans” but more the age. Your sone can never and never will be a woman and it’s best to explain that to him. Nobody is being “transphobic” and I’m not sure what wanting long hair and to wear your coat has to do with that?

I’m curious as to what you expected people to say?

You aren't just talking about growing his hair though, you have fast-forwarded to a potential future 'sex change' and wanting to let him take the lead on his magical thinking which is a normal part of being a 5 year old. He says he wants to be a girl, you say 'that's nice, but you are a boy an nothing can change that' I would suggest reading My Body is Me by Rachel Rooney to explain this concept in an age appropriate way.