5 year old says they want to be a girl

[louise1makeup2]

hello, I was wondering if anyone could offer any advice or support?

i wanna say a month or two ago, I asked my son if we could get his hair cut. He said no he wants to be a girl. I asked him why he wanted to be a girl, he said he wanted to be like mammy and wear mammys coats. I said okay darling as I want to support him either way of course. When they’re so young it’s so hard to navigate it or my feelings.

i asked him again today if we could cut his hair as I wasn’t sure if it was just the moment thing. He said no. He said he can’t wait until his hair is longer so he can be a girl. He said he likes girls things.

he has said some other stuff but it’s been in passing so I can’t remember. It’s hard to know how I feel. It’s not about my feelings of course. As he comes first, I just don’t know what I’m doing if I’m doing the right thing. Like of course he can grow his hair out. I just don’t want to upset him if he does something right and say good boy or just carry on as he’s still so young. I know it could just be a phase but I am getting upset as he’s my only child and likely won’t be having another so I already feel like I’m grieving my little boy

Omg yes this op.

suspect all you want, nobody asked you. God forbid a single young parent trying their best 🙄

Well you tell him clearly that he can never be female, and explain that he has misunderstood that hairstyles and what you play with are divided by sex. I don’t really understand what your problem with this very non-issue is? It’s utterly unremarkable for small children to want to be dogs or fish or butterflies.

He might well move out of this phase when he makes friends at school. You sound as if you're doing your best, OP. Just remember that at his age, what is true for him today might change tomorrow.
DS had a best friend all through primary school, "Jane". They got into all sorts of scrapes together. Then when he was 9 or 10 someone said something to him about him being best friends with a girl. He was shocked - he'd had no idea Jane was a girl. He hadn't thought about it and just assumed she was a boy. Jane's mum told me she had also been a tomboy growing up. Anyway, Jane changed at her secondary school and wanted to make a new start as a girl. She's now married with a DD.
I just wanted to show you how it can pan out, OP.

Far more damaging to tell him that “of course” he can be a girl if he wants to be one. Because he can’t. Ever.

Explain to him that he is a boy, and he will always be a boy because that is the way he grew inside your tummy. Tell him that you love him, love his body, and love the way he likes to wear his hair. Tell him that he can do things, whatever things he wants to do, that he can play with whatever toys he wants to, because both boys and girls can choose to play with whatever they want to. But that whatever he wears , however he looks and whatever he plays with he will always be your little boy, you love him to bits, and you wouldn’t change him for the world.

It really won’t damage him.

That's a really horrible, tone-deaf comment at someone who is obviously inexperienced at parenting and asking for advice.

What male role models does your son have? It may be an obvious thing but if the significant adults he comes across in his daily life are all women …………

Is it just the two of you? My cousin is a single mam and her little boy used to alway ask her when he would get his boobs and when his willy would fall off to look like mammy 😆 the innocence of it was adorable ! They just want to be the same as their mama sometimes, nothing more to read into it. I wouldn't put a lot of importance on the gender of it all. If he wants long hair, okay, if he wants to dress the same as you, again okay. My DS had one of my pink vests on yesterday and it looked like a dress, he thought it was hilarious.

Pretending he is a girl, lying to him, is about as damaging as it can get!

I’m not pretending anything right now?

What has being single or young got to do with anything?

If you go along with this though, you will be doing.

Yeah can you tell haha. His dad does seem him sometimes but he prioritises his new girlfriend who is recently pregnant so the contact will only get more inconsistent. He’s got a hospital appointment today and he bailed on me because I asked him to come alone not with new partner as it’s inappropriate right now to bring her

Gender and sex is different do you not realise?

Excuse me how dare you? My child is always protected from harm. Getting advice from other parents who have been in similar positions is doing just that as well. Ignoring him or shutting him down will make him feel unheard. I would never lie to him. I’ve told him he can grow his hair out and both boys and girls have long and short hair.

this has taught me nothing but transphobia is so big and people aren’t afraid to make that known. Seeking advice is nothing to be shamed for or being called a liar or saying I’m not safe guarding my child. How dare you.

Thank you. Some of these comments are so horrible just it’s good that I’m thick skinned and don’t take comments from strangers to heart. Honestly some of them are so so disgusting.

Protecting children is not transphobia.

You talked about 'sex changes' upthread, a 5 year old preferring girls things and haircuts and saying he is a girl would not lead most parents to even think of possible future 'sex changes', not that that is in fact ever possible as you know.

HTH.

You don’t need to feel sorry for him, he doesn’t need it or want it. He actually has the best from me and genuinely couldn’t have a better life. From nursery workers, drs, health visitors had nothing but praise on how lovely and well mannered he is and everything that I do for him. He is in 3 hobbies and is more than welcome to drop any or change them. I’ve never missed a parents evening or anything to do with school. He chooses whether he wants to take his scooter or anything to school. He is in swimming because I can’t swim and it’s a life skill. I listen to his needs and help him out the best I can. I would do anything for that boy and that is the best path to be on. A parent that couldn’t give anymore to their child and loves them more than life itself. Something I didn’t have.

I wouldn’t heave even start a thread on this? giving it attention. I would ignore it. I was 5 once and thought I was a boy, I even remember being a tomboy, hated having to wear dresses and told my parents I was a boy, I remember feeling like a boy, that exact age, my parents ignored it, good times the late 70’s early 80’s! I’ve 3 kids and if my 5 year told me that I’d be tbe same. 15 yes old different ball game but 5 come on!!

Well that's all lovely. Well done. He's still always going to be male, and he is a boy.

So what when he’s 15 and if he changed his name, calling him his old one wouldn’t be damaging? I’m not talking about right now or even in a few years time.

im looking for parents that can relate to my situation isn’t of pretending that, that couldn’t be. A possibility

Describe the differences in a way that doesn’t reduce someone’s sex to social stereotypes or their personal interests…