My 7 year old wants to be a girl

[Jazfizz94]

My 7 year old boy has always been pretty feminine with his gestures and has always enjoys playing with dolls and babies etc. which I’ve never had a problem with at all. he’s a shy boy .. about 4 weeks ago he came to me and told me he would like to be girl and that he’s always wanted to be one and that it’s his dream I am fully supportive of this of course and have told him that I will be there always. It’s his birthday Friday and he has asked me to get him a wig, girls clothes/ shoes and make up obviously I will but I’m worried about him being bullied in school ( I understand this will happen) and of people not accepting him (or her). Im just looking for advice really and other people stories

Parents often have to say no to a child, or pick up on something the child is doing or thinking which is harmful. Very young children don't have the knowledge of the world to understand the full implications of things. A child of 7 may think they will never want to have children, thinking of this as a child. However, the majority of humans do have children in adult life. Some of them would have been adamant in early life that they would never want children and would have been first in the queue for medical treatment to render them infertile. Ask them again in ten, fifteen, twenty years when they have their much loved children and they will surely say how glad they were that they weren't able to make irreversible decisions before reaching full maturity.

Another problem with taking very young children literally is that they often live in a world of make believe and their language reflects that. It's a parent's job to slowly and kindly ensure that as their child grows up they have a clear grasp of the realities of life. When a very young child says 'I want to be a girl' is it not actually very likely that he is aware that his natural interests and preferences are unusual for a boy and a bit more socially acceptable for a girl, so to his simple mind the obvious solution is that he should become a girl? As others have said, the parent's job here is to talk to him and reassure him that boys can like dolls, dressing up and so on (and also point out that not all girls like those things either). Stereotypes are harmful. Let him be himself.

I feel very sorry for the young heterosexual females who have been deluded into believing that they will be accepted as gay men and able to date gay men if they transition. I don't think they will find many takers among genuinely gay men as opposed to bisexual men. Gay men are sexually attracted to male bodies, not female.

For example, I know someone who was born female and finds men attractive. He is now a gay man. I also have a friend who is bisexual and was born male and is now female.

Your friend is not and never will be a gay male. They may or may not be passing as a male (most likely not), but they are still female and heterosexual. Your bisexual friend was born male and is still male and willnever be female.

This is not transphobia. This is pure fact.

sensible post- please take note, Op

One poster with questionable views amongst how many other replies does not represent the majority of other posters here.

As for drag, I agree it's not 'trans' however stonewall and a sizeable proportion of the lgbtq community, many of whom are drag queens, would disagree with us.

Sorry that was meant to be in reply to @Ickystickystickystickybubblegum!

Damn that's kinda crazy

Being quietly supportive and seeing where things go ie. Taking a neutral stance is entirely appropriate. So buy them whatever style of clothes and toys is their preference and see where you go. It may well be that this passes and maybe it won’t but either way keeping dialogue open will be best for everyone - you and your child.

Meant to say there is no rush in making any decisions, people on this thread are jumping so far ahead talking about surgeries and HRT! You have at least 9 years before you could even get to the point of considering puberty blockers (the first stage in a medical transitioning) and a lot can happen between now and then -your child could continue on this path or like what they like regardless of whether it is stereotypically ‘feminine’ or otherwise and decide they are happy as a boy.

Just tell him that he's welcome to wear whatever he wants to - buy him a dress and a wig if he wants one - but he's a boy and can't ever change into a girl. Leave it at that. FFS don't start affirming the idea that he can change sex at this age.

Meant to say there is no rush in making any decisions, people on this thread are jumping so far ahead talking about surgeries and HRT! You have at least 9 years before you could even get to the point of considering puberty blockers

@Fraida puberty blockers are to block puberty. Hence you take them before. So around 9 or 10. So that’s 2-3 years away not 9

Yes I know but they also use them pre- HRT so can be a lot later, the chances of getting them at that age are pretty much non-existent. The latest service specification from NHS England suggests a lot more gatekeeping before puberty blockers are considered. The current waiting list is around 4 years (with no more referrals being accepted for the time being) so even if the OP requested a referral now their child would be at least 11 before they were seen and 12/13 before puberty blockers were in the frame.

I can't believe anyone believes this post is real. But if it is, then the child has been exposed to online indoctrination. I am going to guess he has a phone and has unfettered access to it. I have a child who is now 9, and it isn't the sort of language a 7 year old uses, unless encouraged to.

mums net isn't the best place to ask this, they'll only make you feel like a fool for not being a conservative dinosaur with a tiny understanding of the nuances of gender under a western lens.

you definitely need to try get an appointment with someone who talks to children with suspected gender dysphoria. it is quite expensive but quite necessary (I am trans for reference). while you wait for this to happen, keep talking to your child about why they feel that way. remind them that you love them and care for them, and never dismiss their desire to be a girl as silly, even if they do eventually realise they don't want to be a girl, because they will remember how it felt to be called silly, although you seem v supportive.

as for the makeup, remind them that they are beautiful with/without makeup, girls don't have to wear makeup etc, but do buy them some, just only let them wear it around the house as play makeup to be honest. not many 7 year olds who were born girls wear makeup out either, except for special occasions. buy them the girl clothes/shoes, they will remember this kind gesture and how you listened to them and accepted them.

hope all goes well

Tell him boys can like girly things and still be boys. Gender stereotypes are confusing for children but he is entitled to play as characters to satisfy his imagination.

mums net isn't the best place to ask this, they'll only make you feel like a fool for not being a conservative dinosaur with a tiny understanding of the nuances of gender under a western lens.

A person who is concerned about an ideology that actively harms children by blocking puberty and encouraging irreversible harm is not a conservative dinosaur.

WTF is gender under a western lens? It seems that even in countries like Canada parents are rightly speaking out against ideology that harms children.

https://torontosun.com/opinion/columnists/parents-demanding-a-say-on-education-and-gender-isnt-radical

wtf is gender under a western lens? lots of cultures other than your western ones have had gender roles other than born man/woman, and have included transgender people for thousands of years, but go on swear at me @lifeturnsonadime. since you're SUCH an expert, go tell hijra, māhū, two spirit people and waria that their way of life is wrong!!!

Also, Canada IS a western country, not sure why you brought them up here???

P.S you only proved my point about having a tiny worldview (much like a conservative dinosaur) because I never encouraged irreversible harm (despite the fact many transgender people say that medical transition saved their lives, but you WOULD cherrypick data). I said go see a therapist who specialises in gender dysphoria. but you would twist my words, because that's what conservative people like you do, make fallacious arguments, cherrypicking about and using the slippery slope fallacy.

You seem very angry jules.

I'm not cherry picking any data, and the reason Canada is relevant is because it is a Western country is seen as 'progressive' by many gender ideologues yet the parents and others, across all political divides, races and religions are speaking out against harms being done to children by being taught gender as fact in school.

As for cherry picking data you appear to be denying the data of de-transitioners and the fact that many who do go down these pathways are not helped with their poor mental health which continues beyond transition. Suicide risk is still there for many post transition which you appear to ignore. If a person has had a double mastectomy or have been denied puberty then it's a bit late after harm has occurred to have regrets.

This has nothing to do with other cultures such as two spirit people, it's to do with kids in the western culture being brainwashed that they are something other than the sex they are born and all of the problems that goes hand in hand with that. Seeking out a therapist who specialises in 'gender' is encouraging entering into these pathways. Your views are dangerous and regressive. I'd rather be a 'conservative dinosaur' than someone who thinks kids being put on a pathway that leads to harm is progressive.

And I wasn't swearing at you I was asking WTF something was.

@lifeturnsonadime I'm not denying that detrans people with regrets exist, but it's objective data, 0.02%(or something in that magnitude) vs 99.8% (or something in that magnitude). I feel for those people and think they should have support, and should have had more support from the start. medical transition should have barriers which I think is 10000% necessary to prevent regrets. personally, working with my gender therapist has made me understand the medical risks (e.g. infertility) ,and decide not to partake in certain choices until I can consider it further, or have children. Also, gender therapists do NOT put every child on the path to transition. I had to see mine for sessions, and sessions, and sessions where she critically asked me how I thought transition would improve my life, and she positively challenged my worldviews about gender stereotypes and how that impacted my newfound identity. Possibly more sessions with a younger child too, likely regular ones from this child's age (7 did OP say??) to 16+++. they don't say oh you're a boy/girl? brilliant, shoot up with some HRT or blockers. a child who has suspected GD is struggling either way, trans or not and a therapist to work through the issue is 100% necessary.

So you wanted advice but you didn't want anyone telling you how to parent your son - how does that work? Did you want advice or not? Or were you just looking for everyone to say what an amazing parent you were?

He's 7 he can dress like he wants and most non conforming kids usually just turn out to be gay. All good.

However OP you need to be real, he can't actually change sex and this is important later because of boundaries within single sex spaces like toilets and changing rooms especially at school.

at 7 nothing serious is meant, let him play around in skirts if he wants to, and reassure him that boys can wear and do whatever they want and still be boys

"No" is not a bad word. Parenting is all about protecting your child from himself and others. At seven all children need guidance and boundaries.