Page 3 | My 7 year old wants to be a girl

Jazfizz94 · 2023-08-14T12:30:39+00:00

My 7 year old boy has always been pretty feminine with his gestures and has always enjoys playing with dolls and babies etc. which I’ve never had a problem with at all. he’s a shy boy .. about 4 weeks ago he came to me and told me he would like to be girl and that he’s always wanted to be one and that it’s his dream I am fully supportive of this of course and have told him that I will be there always. It’s his birthday Friday and he has asked me to get him a wig, girls clothes/ shoes and make up obviously I will but I’m worried about him being bullied in school ( I understand this will happen) and of people not accepting him (or her). Im just looking for advice really and other people stories

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 14/08/2023 14:24

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 14/08/2023 14:20

Majority of posters are uneducated on these matters and a lot of them are transphobic and/or homophobic.

Can you explain this or back up with any examples? Saying you can't change sex, boys can't become girls and vice versa etc isn't transphobic so what else is there?

I agree, But this is the response I expect from the ploppers.

LongTermLurker · 14/08/2023 14:28

Don't really have any advice, but just want to offer some solidarity. My DS (biologically male) was "gender non-comforming" from as early as he could express any preferences. I allowed him to just wear and play with what he wanted (two older siblings with a variety of hand me downs helped with this). Didn't really think too much about it.

However DS (now nearly 14) has very much persisted, and from age 11ish asked his friends to use female pronouns. At this point the school kind of got involved, as DS was asking them to use female pronouns. We had several meetings about this, and we ended up giving permission, as DS's relationship with us was getting increasingly strained (he knew we were the "bad guys" standing in the way of socially transitioning at school). We now use female pronouns at home.

Honestly, I don't know if we did the right thing, but it ended up feeling like we had no choice, as DS was so distressed/angry when we used male pronouns. And before anyone jumps on me, we are NOT pushovers as parents, and it was only after a couple of years of trying our best to hold our line that we decided it was having a detrimental effect on our relationship with DS.

Before having DS (DD!) I thought that "trans kids" were the product of homophobic parents, and/or traumatised, but that's not the case with us. DD does have severe ADHD, and I know there's a connection with gender dysphoria and neurodiversity.

Anyway, just wanted to add my voice to the mix, as there are a lot of posters who are telling you what you should/shouldn't do. I very much understand their opinion, and a decade or so ago, I'd have been right there with them! I'm not saying they're wrong, just that sometimes you need to be pragmatic when it comes to supporting your DC.

I don't think make-up or wigs are necessary at that age though! 😊

Spacemoon · 14/08/2023 14:30

Musomama1 · 14/08/2023 14:19

Women have for decades been highly supportive of gay rights. It's ridiculous to equate scepticism towards the notion of trans children with homophobia. Actually most women on this board are concerned that children who will go on to be gay are having some form of conversion therapy by 'changing sex'.

Of course you can definitely be gay but you definitely can't change sex.

OP I'd recommend Transgender Trend of Bayswater group. Read the Cass Review and please reflect.

Show quote history

SOME women are supportive of gay rights.

A lot of women i've come across on this forum however, certainly are not. They are highly uneducated on LGB matters. I've personally been subjected to biphobia on numerous occasions on here and have also witnessed homophobia in both direct forms and in the form of disguising it as concern for children.

Trans ' scepticism' (transphobia) is dangerous to the whole of the LGBTQ+ community, not just trans people. It spreads misinformation and hate to the community as a whole.

Rollonsept · 14/08/2023 14:30

Againstthegrai · 14/08/2023 14:17

@Rollonsept why wouldn’t you buy your DC a Barbie? Is it because of the Barbie itself and what it represents, or because it’s ‘girly’. I only have DD’s but if they wanted a ‘boys’ toy like a dinosaur or a car, I would absolutely buy it for them- why not? Recently my DH got my DD a ‘boys’ legobset, after an initial tantrum she played with it and loved it. Smashing the gender stereotypes that society has built up over the years is what has got women into the positions they are in today..having the vote etc so I’m all for it 😊.

Because I do not agree with trans. I live next door to 3 girls and my Son plays with them often if he wants to play dolls house or whatever I have NO issue at all. However do I actually have to spell out the difference between facilating and pushing the narrative of buying my own Son girls wigs amd make up? He has never asked to be fair. However when I read threads I often think what have people exposed their kids to because at 7 you are a child. Its not as easy as some are saying that a princess dress can only be worn at home if that's the case why can't your Son walk around in public in pink shoes and a matching handbag? This also leads further on to schools. Then it's a problem for the teachers and the other pupils... my sister attended a PRU and on Monday it was "harry" a few weeks later Harry become "Tracy". I'm sorry but we all have our parental boundaries and these are mine. DS dad is also from a culture where this isn't acceptable not that he's deciding for me because we are not together.

Kids have too much choice in today's generation and children's rights. The child is 7.....

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 14/08/2023 14:32

A lot of women i've come across on this forum however, certainly are not. They are highly uneducated on LGB matters. I've personally been subjected to biphobia on numerous occasions on here and have also witnessed homophobia in both direct forms and in the form of disguising it as concern for children.

Trans ' scepticism' (transphobia) is dangerous to the whole of the LGBTQ+ community, not just trans people. It spreads misinformation and hate to the community as a whole.*

And still no examples or evidence of what is transphobia.

Ickystickystickystickybubblegum · 14/08/2023 14:33

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 14/08/2023 14:20

Majority of posters are uneducated on these matters and a lot of them are transphobic and/or homophobic.

Can you explain this or back up with any examples? Saying you can't change sex, boys can't become girls and vice versa etc isn't transphobic so what else is there?

I mean, someone on this thread has said its a slippery slope when you let boys play with Barbie dolls......sounds highly educated to me.

Drag has been brought up. Again. Drag is not trans. But people love to bring it up in any trans talk because to them drag = sex offenders = trans people.

Whatsthepoint1234 · 14/08/2023 14:35

@Rollonsept I wasn’t going to come back to this thread but your comment shocked me. Dc playing with toys associated with the opposite gender doesn’t encourage them to change genders. My youngest does ballet and he still identifies as male. My oldest does horseriding and used to be obsessed with fairies. He’s still very much a boy!

MentholLoad · 14/08/2023 14:35

Spacemoon · 14/08/2023 14:30

SOME women are supportive of gay rights.

A lot of women i've come across on this forum however, certainly are not. They are highly uneducated on LGB matters. I've personally been subjected to biphobia on numerous occasions on here and have also witnessed homophobia in both direct forms and in the form of disguising it as concern for children.

Trans ' scepticism' (transphobia) is dangerous to the whole of the LGBTQ+ community, not just trans people. It spreads misinformation and hate to the community as a whole.

Show quote history

trans ideology is ROOTED in homophobia...people trying to trans the gay away. it's modern day gay conversion therapy. Why can't OP just have an effeminate/maybe gay, boy child? leave him alone

Alopeciabop · 14/08/2023 14:36

the ready question is WHY is your 7 year old so unhappy in himself at the age of 7 that he wants to “be” someone else?

is he being picked on at school? There’s still a lot of that “girls like pink boys like blue” nonsense at schools so is it that he’s being made to feel strange for liking traditionally girl things by the other kids?

to me the answer would be removing him from the people who encourage him to feel shit about himself, finding him somewhere to feel confident and where other kids won’t judge (as a pp suggested look to the theatre/musical theatre/art/fashion/sewing), show him shows about males who don’t follow steryotypes on YouTube, and generally help the kid to like himself and be proud of himself (which is always hard when you stand out). But don’t encourage him to be someone else.

he can still engage in all the fun things girls (🙄) like. But it should be age appropriate fun. Not to cover up his insecurities.

my daughter loves dressing up but I make very clear to her it’s for fun. I’m careful that I don’t say I “need” my make up…I’ve always told her it’s for fun.

seems like lots of people look to make up and wigs as a way to run away and hide who they are - despite the protests that it’s all about being your true self. I mean yesterday I saw a TikTok of a girl literally painting a moustache and adams apple on. Sorry but wtf? You cannot seriously tell me that you have self confidence if you can’t go out the house without painting your neck?!

And really most of us women are chronically insecure (many men too) and we hide behind our make up. Not wanting to be seen without lippy. This generation injecting their lips to balloons.

we should all be able to sit and chill out without make up and fake hair and still be happy. If you’re only happy when you’re dolled up with fake contoured face, you’re not really happy. .

be wary about encouraging your kids of either sex to go down any path that encourages hiding behind cosmetics.

get to the root cause

BodegaSushi · 14/08/2023 14:37

awaytofrance · 14/08/2023 13:38

I am fully supportive of this of course

Of course? There's no of course here. Why would you be at all supportive of this?

He's 7. Tell that he is a male and will always be a male and nothing can be done to change that. Tell him also that his likes, dislikes and preferences in hair ,toys, etc do not define or change his sex, and that boys can wear skirts and lipstick if they want and still be boys (as they can only ever be boys)

This. Also no to makeup as he is a child. And I wouldn't buy a wig either, don't even buy them for girls as I think they project an unrealistic standard of 'beauty', ie long straight blonde hair etc.

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 14/08/2023 14:38

@Ickystickystickystickybubblegum is that the only examples you've got?

Rollonsept · 14/08/2023 14:38

Whatsthepoint1234 · 14/08/2023 14:35

@Rollonsept I wasn’t going to come back to this thread but your comment shocked me. Dc playing with toys associated with the opposite gender doesn’t encourage them to change genders. My youngest does ballet and he still identifies as male. My oldest does horseriding and used to be obsessed with fairies. He’s still very much a boy!

Did you actually read my post? Or have you ran away with your own narrative? I said I wouldn't go our and but wigs and make up. Just because some people don't agree with trans doesn't mean anything personal it's a complex issue even trans themselves find it difficult to express and navigate what they actually want. Did anyone watch "Pose" on Netflix?

BodegaSushi · 14/08/2023 14:39

Oh and OP, if he wants long hair, just don't cut it. Simple.

Highdaysandholidays1 · 14/08/2023 14:39

I think the idea that only girls can play with Barbies is very regressive. I went to school with a boy who played with Barbies and pink things and had a camp manner in the seventies, he had a terrible time at school but made some good friends and they continue to be his friends later in life, he's out as a gay man living his life, we are in our fifties. My male cousin wore dresses as a child. We were quite hippyish though.

I hope I'm not biphobic, one of my children is bi and it's been no major issue at all so far, we discuss sexuality, watch TV shows and talk about women/men/stereotypes/biology a lot.

I notice your user name has Jaz at the start- I used to watch Jazz's videos a few years ago and think theirs is an interesting trajectory, showing the positives and the negatives and how hard it is to be trans, even when there's huge parental support and understanding.

BodegaSushi · 14/08/2023 14:41

LongTermLurker · 14/08/2023 14:28

Don't really have any advice, but just want to offer some solidarity. My DS (biologically male) was "gender non-comforming" from as early as he could express any preferences. I allowed him to just wear and play with what he wanted (two older siblings with a variety of hand me downs helped with this). Didn't really think too much about it.

However DS (now nearly 14) has very much persisted, and from age 11ish asked his friends to use female pronouns. At this point the school kind of got involved, as DS was asking them to use female pronouns. We had several meetings about this, and we ended up giving permission, as DS's relationship with us was getting increasingly strained (he knew we were the "bad guys" standing in the way of socially transitioning at school). We now use female pronouns at home.

Honestly, I don't know if we did the right thing, but it ended up feeling like we had no choice, as DS was so distressed/angry when we used male pronouns. And before anyone jumps on me, we are NOT pushovers as parents, and it was only after a couple of years of trying our best to hold our line that we decided it was having a detrimental effect on our relationship with DS.

Before having DS (DD!) I thought that "trans kids" were the product of homophobic parents, and/or traumatised, but that's not the case with us. DD does have severe ADHD, and I know there's a connection with gender dysphoria and neurodiversity.

Anyway, just wanted to add my voice to the mix, as there are a lot of posters who are telling you what you should/shouldn't do. I very much understand their opinion, and a decade or so ago, I'd have been right there with them! I'm not saying they're wrong, just that sometimes you need to be pragmatic when it comes to supporting your DC.

I don't think make-up or wigs are necessary at that age though! 😊

Thank you for sharing, this was interesting

Ickystickystickystickybubblegum · 14/08/2023 14:43

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 14/08/2023 14:38

@Ickystickystickystickybubblegum is that the only examples you've got?

Not interested in starting a bun fight. I don't care if you do not believe me.

Againstthegrai · 14/08/2023 14:46

@Rollonsept i actually think that grouping things heavily into ‘girls things’ and ‘boys things’ actually encourages young kids to question their sex, if you’ll hear me out. Reason is that I’ve heard so many times narratives like ‘my DS loves playing with dolls therefore he might be a girl’ etc. whereas actually I think the conversation should be ‘my DS loves playing with dolls - great, boys can play with dolls too!’. Most gender stereotypes for kids in terms of clothes etc are a social construct. Less than 100 years ago boys wore dresses as children, boys and girls dressed the same. I won’t put it all here but google where pink for girls and blue for boys came about - basically in the 1940’s it was dreamed up by retailers and feminists actually tried to push back to more gender neutral colours! Probs rambling now but I like history so find all this fascinating 🙈😂.

BodegaSushi · 14/08/2023 14:49

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 14/08/2023 14:38

@Ickystickystickystickybubblegum is that the only examples you've got?

What's wrong with the examples given though? Those are both examples found in this exact thread.

I'm GC but also find that some comments expressed in threads can be homophobic or transphobic.

The 'slippery slope' comment is a good example, it's absolute nonsense.

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 14/08/2023 14:50

Not interested in starting a bun fight. I don't care if you do not believe me.

Nor me, but time after time posters accuse various posters of transphobia and never provide examples. So far you have said people being against drag and someone not wanting their son to play with dolls. I'm just asking if you had anything else to back up this transphobia?

Timetochangegonzo · 14/08/2023 14:50

On another thread posters are arguing a 7yr old is too young to be told to stay in bed in the middle of the night. On this one apparently at 7 they can make informed decisions to want to change sex.

MysteryBelle · 14/08/2023 14:51

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Ickystickystickystickybubblegum · 14/08/2023 14:52

Timetochangegonzo · 14/08/2023 14:50

On another thread posters are arguing a 7yr old is too young to be told to stay in bed in the middle of the night. On this one apparently at 7 they can make informed decisions to want to change sex.

It isn't about decisions is it? Its about listening to your child, supporting them. That is what OP wanted help for. She cant just dismiss this, it's causing her child distress. She wanted help, not yet another debate about trans people.

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 14/08/2023 14:52

@BodegaSushi I didn't say anything was wrong with them, I asked if there were any more. Time and time again posters accuse MN of being transphobic without anything to back it up. Being against drag and not allowing your son to play with dolls, there must be more to transphobia no?

Original poster

Jazfizz94 · 14/08/2023 14:52

how dare any of you try to tell me how to parent my own son🤣 if my son wants a wig (I can’t find one decent enough anyway) I will get him a wig if he wants to wear make up he can wear make (play make up not real make up that he will wear when at home and anywhere but school) I came here for advice not to be laughed at but tbh I’m laughing at MOST of you because your comments are amusing to me just like this post is to you.. anyone who get offended by that then it’s if the shoe fits .. yes he is 7 and won’t be making any drastic decisions.. as for him never being a girl he can be a fucking pineapple if he wants to be I don’t actually care aslong as he’s happy and healthy and I don’t think that’s bad parenting I think that’s having love for my child.