Trans nephew - how to support?

[Bunny2021]

My 16 year old nephew has just announced to the wider family that he wants to be known by a girls name.

This has come as quite a shock to the family. He definitely has autism/Asperger’s (although his parents never got him formally diagnosed) and has always been a bit different.

I just don’t know what to text (it was my brother that broke the news to my mum and I). I want to show him that I still care about him - although I’m still getting my head around this and not quite sure how to process this news.

Not insulting, just a fact.

Even if he has it removed he'll still be male.

Exactly, but if he gets a gender reassignment certificate, which you can get after operation, he will be legally entitled to call himself a female.

Eh?

Ony if you have decided to go along with affirmation which is not necessarily the best thing. And he is still a nephew and an adolescent male with a penis.

He'll still be male though.
A certificate won't change his biology.

Well, you'd hope that a doctor would be particularly well placed to know that people cannot change sex.

Yes but if you go with the approach of saying "hello nephew" you might as well use her dead name!

I heartily agree with you his chromosomes won't change but his legal status might if he got a certificate after op.

Disappointed to see posts of mine deleted but some serious disinformation about ASD allowed to remain. I’ve reported the relevant posts and I trust action will be taken.

Parents and families may decide not to use new names. They can't be railroaded into that if not comfortable with it.

All I am saying is

There's no real need to use either this new name or his real name. Hello nephew how has school gone today?

If you aren't going to use their name then saying "hello nephew" is probably even worse as it shows you're uncomfortable with using either name! OP wants to know how to be supportive and I don't think quibbling over if OP sees nephew/neice as a male or female and which name to use- and the answer certainly isn't to use NO name!

'My 16 year old nephew has just announced to the wider family that he wants to be known by a girls name.

This has come as quite a shock to the family. He definitely has autism/Asperger’s (although his parents never got him formally diagnosed) and has always been a bit different.

I just don’t know what to text (it was my brother that broke the news to my mum and I). I want to show him that I still care about him - although I’m still getting my head around this and not quite sure how to process this news'

Looks like male to me. Compelled to use female names at this early stage is difficult.

FFS how to not help @Bunny2021 and derail a thread.

This relatively simple request on how to support a brother, a 16 year old and a family has been turned into a bun fight that helps no one. Parents and relatives who have experience of Gender Dysphoric children and teenagers with ROGD along with posters who have real lived personal experiences could have helped the op. Instead they have been drowned out by keyboard warriors who forget there are real people who may appreciate the nuanced experience others can share.

@Bunny2021 my advice is follow your brothers lead and walk away from this thread. The vast majority of the time you will be talking about the things you have always talked about continue to do that - games, sport, holidays, careers, exams etc. There is no need to raise the issue of being trans unless they raise it. If they do listen to what they have to say.

This, a million times over.

You literally cannot speak about trans kids on here and they are all over you.

What I would say, is that if dnephew doesn't know they are probably autistic, then they won't have that in their lexicon as a possible alternative reason as to why they feel different from everyone around them - searching for a reason for this could lead someone to stumble upon "I'm trans" and believe it to be the answer when actually "I'm autistic" would have been an answer that also helps them make sense of why they feel alien in their community.

I would have this conversation with dnephew's parents and see if they might consider a diagnostic process, but for autism in the first place. I would be inclined to be vaguely supportive of dnephew otherwise; not a cheerleader nor expressing anxiety (to them). No special attention; no awkwardness or avoidance.

ImpromptuGathering I think this is really good advice. The question of possible autism really should be addressed. It can be hard for older teens to take the diagnosis on board. or even consider it though. I know a few families where the young person will not engage with the assessment which is really challenging.

Not actually necessary to have any medical treatment, whether hormones or surgery, to get a GRC. Vast majority of people who identify as trans don't have genital surgery, and a good thing too, as there's a high risk of medical complications and the results are poor.

What is required at the moment is a diagnosis of gender dysphoria from a suitably qualified mental health professional or GP. Unfortunately, it seems many professionals have issued diagnoses of this type without the individual having received a full mental health assessment. This has been a big issue at GIDS.

*required to get a GRC - not required to identify as trans, as anybody can do that

Well, yes, but as previously pointed out, even without a penis a male continues to be male, because nothing can change the chromosomes. Anyway, this is a diversion from what the OP wanted advise on, so I will back off now.

OP what is your instinct about what to do? Affirm or try and take a more neutral path?

OP, I recommend this essay Autism, Puberty and Gender Dysphoria: view from an autistic desisted woman.