Trans Nephew

[Nc0905]

Can anyone recommend a safe level headed organisation that can help with teenage Trans issues?
My nephew has reached out to me, I want to support him but need support and advice myself.

I think there is a line between confidant and ‘keeping things from dad’.

If dad is not going to be helpful (fly off the handle and get all hysterical) then maybe just take the lad under your wing - take him for days out (just out for lunch, to the cinema etc) and let him talk.

Ask him questions - what can he do now, what can’t he do - why? If he was ‘a girl’ what would that actually ‘look like’ - what could he do that he can’t do now?

I assume of the dad is macho the boy fears he is homophobic maybe?

See who else is ‘advising’ him (chatrooms, online gamers etc) and remind him that people often have ‘an agenda’ (in therapeutic case we’d call these the vampires of saboteurs - and it’s not always conscious). Ask him what he plans for the future - studies, work, where he’d like to live etc.

Show him that the world isn’t black and white and that there are some fashions/trends that are just that, a fashion or trend. Help him to look forward - he is still going with his life ahead of him, and options!

Try to focus on his health - physical and mental well-being. This pandemic has caused a lot of kids to be isolated and build their own little communities online. Remind him that ‘on the internet, nobody knows if you are a dog’. Some people just aren’t what they seem

sorry.nothing helpful to contribute to your question OP

the people saying don’t ask questions on MN are completely and utterly wrong

just look at everything you can, ask questions and look at everything you can

dont allow yourself to be silenced read everything, follow every link

Oh and im enough drinks in to say that anyone that says ‘im as gender critical as they come but…’

is lying

Until 5 minutes ago, trans was vanishingly rare. There is definitely something going on when you look at the statistics and the explosion in referrals.

The reality is that the likelihood that your nephew is trans is still vanishingly rare. Many thousands of kids will probably look back on this period and wonder how and why they went down a medical pathway. The detransitioners stories are heartbreaking.

Just don't get carried away. You might have a trans nephew but it's much more likely that you have a gay one, an autistic one or an autogynephilic one or one who is caught up in the current fad.

I would just take him out as much as you can and listen to what he says. His dad doesn't need to know at the minute since his son is confused. I wouldn't base it all on one day - do it as often as you can and work out with him how he feels and when he wants to tell his dad and siblings and what. And try to keep your own feelings and history out of it.

Don't go on any more websites and just listen to him.

There's anything but a blind spot on MN about trans issues. There is a massive concern that young people will do permanent damage to themselves because they've been caught up in a social contagion believing their bodies are somehow wrong for them.
As pp noted, there's much more likelihood that your nephew is gay or autistic or both than that he is trans. If home environment is very macho there may be homophobia making it difficult for him. Whatever he is, he needs space to find himself. You'll get better advice about finding that space from Transgender Trend then you will from Mermaids or Gender GP.

Whatever the driving force behind his feelings is he has obviously reached a stage where he is struggling, its a massive thing to reach out like that.
As others have said I think the best thing you can do at this stage is take him under your wing, spend some quality time with him, just reassure him that he is not doing anything wrong or anything to be ashamed of.
Difficult to move forward without his dad on board though, even if its just experimenting with clothes etc so I guess that's the first issue to tackle.
Could be embarrassment as much as fear of a negative reaction though.

"Which is what mermaids will tell you" source: trust me bro.

Being left handed was also "vanishingly rare" when it was heavily stigmatized.
Also AGP is not considered a valid scientific theory, but obviously you don't care about that.

Left handedness hasn’t seen an explosion, with teens declaring themselves left handed after a lifetime of being right handed. Not is it seen as something ‘brave’ and as far as I can see, there aren’t companies falling over themselves to embrace the lefties.

Also AGP is not considered a valid scientific theory, but obviously you don't care about that.

Well it's in the DSM-5 amongst the other paraphilias

Because the charlatan who invented it was part of the group who wrote the DSM.
For some reason, though, it's not used in gender affirming care as a valid theory. It's also laughably stupid. Julia Serano's article against it bears rereading.

The 'charlatan who invented it'? I've read accounts of trans women who are open about their AGP. It's disgusting that you are claiming they don't, or shouldn't, exist.

There was a mention of GenderGP upthread. It is worth noting that of the two GP founders, Michael and Helen Webberley, one has been struck off, and the other suspended from practice by the GMC. For both it was due to failures in their work with children who identified as trans.

So @Iambecomethequeen you're saying that no man has ever become sexually aroused at the thought of himself as a woman, even though there are first hand accounts of exactly that behaviour, as told by the men who experience it?

I mean some people like poo, some people like feet, and some people like dressing as babies to get their kicks. It takes all sorts, but its definitely a thing!

Mermaids supports general practitioners who have acted illegally and are in the process of being struck off. I wouldn't touch the with a barge pole. They advocate medical treatments of children, which are experimentsal at best, at worst, bordering on illegal.

Genspect is a far more balanced organisation, run in part by several transgender people .

genspect.org/

Also have a look at the work of Dr Az Hakeem, and Stella O'Malley.

Hahaha @Iambecomethequeen

My ex boyfriend is an AGP as it happens so I am literally intimately acquainted with it.

He tells me now that he's so glad he's in his thirties and not a teenager as he would be convinced he was trans if growing up now.

AGP is absolutely a thing and lots of prominent trans women identify that way. But they're 'the wrong kind of trans' for you aren't they?!

Is AGP under Stonewall's Trans Umbrella these days?

The trouble is that these children desperately need someone to talk to and explore their concerns with but all professionals from schools and clubs, medical practices to government departments have all had their hands tied and are only allowed to affirm.

That a child in these current times has nowhere neutral to seek advice is a travesty.

OP, your nephew is very lucky to have you in his life. Very best wishes to both of you as you work through this.

I believe research from years ago before there was the huge recent increase in numbers found that people of all ages with gender confusion were much more likely than the general population to have been through a family trauma in childhood, like the death of a very close relative or an acrimonious divorce of parents. Did your nephew get any counselling after his Mum died? It must have been a terrible thing for all of you.

Yes, according to their current glossary:

"Trans people may describe themselves using one or more of a wide variety of terms, including (but not limited to) transgender, transsexual, gender-queer (GQ), gender-fluid, non-binary, gender-variant, crossdresser, genderless, agender, nongender, third gender, bi-gender, trans man, trans woman, trans masculine, trans feminine and neutrois."

Although I'm not sure why they include agender which means 'not having a gender' as surely that would mean that you are not trans? I don't know what genderless and nongender mean or how they differ from each other and agender🤔

At least there's something for everyone so that's nice 😊

Going back to the left-handed point - suppose we'd had a law that said nobody could be left-handed and then suddenly that law changed and all the natural left-handers were suddenly revealed. They would be all ages and ethnicities and found in both sexes. They wouldn't be concentrated in two very dissimilar demographics, middle-aged men and teenage girls, which is what's happening with the recent surge in numbers of trans-identifying people.

@WallaceinAnderland yes agender would sure be equivalent to most of us who don't feel they have a 'gender identity' no?

But as you say, it's nothing if not inclusive!

And what even is neutrois?

The CEO of Mermaids took her child to Thailand when they were 15 years old to have their penis cut off on their 16th birthday.

That surgery was illegal in the UK then. It is now also illegal in Thailand.

That is where they sit, ideologically.