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LGBT children

This board is primarily for parents of LGBTQ+ children to share personal experiences and advice. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful that this is a supportive space.

Original poster

Trans Nephew

105 replies

Nc0905 · 29/05/2022 10:18

Can anyone recommend a safe level headed organisation that can help with teenage Trans issues?
My nephew has reached out to me, I want to support him but need support and advice myself.

OP posts:
PrelateChuckles · 02/06/2022 00:03

Mermaids is run by an 'IT consultant' with no medical training, who still managed to put confidential emails with their child clients' names and confidential discussions about them and their treatment, online where they could be downloaded by the public.

They also kept banging on about "being born in the wrong body". For those things alone I wouldn't trust them with a child's health.

Plus one of Mermaids took a transwoman to court and the case was so poor it was thrown out. Not before causing the transwoman much distress.

Original poster
Nc0905 · 02/06/2022 18:34

Thank you all for your replies, I have had a good look at the sites you suggest as well as some others that I found.
I was drawn to Mermaids but as I said have looked around for a balance.

Its a difficult situation and I feel that I need advice to be able to help and support him.
A brief background- He is the youngest of three boys, the other two a few years older than he is. Their mother sadly passed away seven years ago so were bought up by just their father it's always been a very macho household.
I am his maternal aunt and really the only female presence in his life.
He is scared to approach his dad as he fears he will be angry, I personally don't think that he would react in a bad way, I'm more concerned that he would just not know how to handle the situation sensitively and I'm certain that he would struggle to support him practically.

Of course I have no idea if he is Trans, if its just a phase or he just likes pretty things!
A couple of weeks ago he reminded me of a jokey conversation we had about clothes and I ended it by saying " I could always buy you a dress lol "
He asked if I really would, I pressed him a little and he let it all out, about how he feels and that he is frightened to tell anyone.
Obviously at this point I can't approach his dad as I would lose his trust.
I really want to know if it would be wrong to let him explore these feelings when he stays with me.
Maybe I should encourage him to speak to his dad, with the promise that I will always be there to help?
I don't want to do the wrong thing hence why I am looking for advice.

OP posts:
PiffleWiffleWoozle · 02/06/2022 19:36

You sound like a really caring Aunt and your nephew obviously trusts you.

What would you want an Aunt or Uncle to do for your child in this situation if the roles were reversed?

ButterflyBitch · 02/06/2022 19:40

Transgender Trend as already mentioned. Avoid Mermaids like the plague.
if he’s a boy who likes dresses or ‘feminine’ things then he’s a boy who likes feminine things. He doesn’t need to transition, he just needs to be himself. A macho dad is probably why he feels the way he does as being ‘girly’ may be seen as wrong. It’s not. You need to reassure him he’s perfect the way he is.

nzborn · 02/06/2022 20:14

Transgender trend

lorisparkle · 02/06/2022 20:16

How old is your nephew? My son was finding it hard to 'fit in' at school. He did not feel he fitted in the 'out and proud' group and did not feel he fitted in the 'macho' boys group. He was quite confused and wondered if he identified more as a girl. We never actively encouraged or discouraged. We discussed that you physically can't change your sex but you can like and wear and 'be' whatever you want as either sex. He changed his group of friends and now feels more settled in just being 'himself'. I do wonder whether once he has gone through puberty and left school things will be easier. There seems a huge expectation to be 'something' amongst teenagers - bi, pan, trans, non-binary.

MartinReubyUnsungHero · 03/06/2022 00:18

Nc0905 · 02/06/2022 18:34

Thank you all for your replies, I have had a good look at the sites you suggest as well as some others that I found.
I was drawn to Mermaids but as I said have looked around for a balance.

Its a difficult situation and I feel that I need advice to be able to help and support him.
A brief background- He is the youngest of three boys, the other two a few years older than he is. Their mother sadly passed away seven years ago so were bought up by just their father it's always been a very macho household.
I am his maternal aunt and really the only female presence in his life.
He is scared to approach his dad as he fears he will be angry, I personally don't think that he would react in a bad way, I'm more concerned that he would just not know how to handle the situation sensitively and I'm certain that he would struggle to support him practically.

Of course I have no idea if he is Trans, if its just a phase or he just likes pretty things!
A couple of weeks ago he reminded me of a jokey conversation we had about clothes and I ended it by saying " I could always buy you a dress lol "
He asked if I really would, I pressed him a little and he let it all out, about how he feels and that he is frightened to tell anyone.
Obviously at this point I can't approach his dad as I would lose his trust.
I really want to know if it would be wrong to let him explore these feelings when he stays with me.
Maybe I should encourage him to speak to his dad, with the promise that I will always be there to help?
I don't want to do the wrong thing hence why I am looking for advice.

It's never wrong to let him explore his feelings and to experiment. In my opinion it would be completely by wrong to tell him that if he's questioning then he is a girl, which is what Mermaids will tell you. He might be trans, he might be gay, he might be neither and just trying to figure himself out.

TrifleFunny · 03/06/2022 00:34

Definitely not a question to ask on here. Unless you are here to provoke antagonism.

RufustheFloralmissingreindeer · 03/06/2022 07:49

Its absolutely the question to ask on the lgbt children board

thats the whole point of the board

PamDenick · 03/06/2022 07:56

You sound like a lovely aunt.
is he old enough to go clubbing? Join in with hobby’s that interest him? (Drama/music/etc)
suggest to him that he keeps of them internet (?!) and goes out to do things he enjoys - once he’s danced the night away in a sweaty club with a boa round his neck, he might not need to question his actual body, just his outlet for expressing himself??

ScootsMcHoy · 03/06/2022 07:59

Do you live somewhere a bit dull?

I do so for that reason I make sure I take my dc to London every single summer holidays. We do stuff and have a lovely time but that's not why I do it. I do it so they can see different people doing different things. Wearing clothes you wouldn't see where we live.

They need to know that living a 2.4 children life in the suburbs is not the only option.

The problem at the moment is that we have all been doing nothing for two years.

TidyDancer · 03/06/2022 08:03

I'm going to back up the others on the thread and suggest you avoid mermaids and be extremely wary of anyone who considers them a good source of support/information.

TransgenderTrend are excellent and far more balanced and sensible.

TrifleFunny · 03/06/2022 15:33

RufustheFloralmissingreindeer · 03/06/2022 07:49

Its absolutely the question to ask on the lgbt children board

thats the whole point of the board

As the parent of an LGBT it is certainly not somewhere I feel safe. There are already several deletions on this thread and it's a cruel board for those questioning.

TrifleFunny · 03/06/2022 15:34

*of an LGBT child, that should say.

RufustheFloralmissingreindeer · 03/06/2022 16:40

As a parent of an lgbt child i do feel ‘safe’ here

in the majority of cases posters are very aware of this being a neutral space

im a bit fed up of posters saying that the OP is in for a hard time and then not helping the OP

KittenKong · 03/06/2022 19:06

When people say ‘I don’t feel safe’ on an anonymous forum - what exactly do they mean?

I know it’s the language de jour to say ‘I don’t feel safe’ when they mean ‘someone disagrees with me’, but how does actual safety come into it when it’s not a case of someone typing ‘I will come to your house as 123 Acacia Avenue and beat you, Mrs F Miggins, around the head with a cricket bat’.

If you don’t like people having an opinion that doesn’t agree with tired just say that. Don’t make out that you fear for your life.

bhdsjhbs · 04/06/2022 16:55

I have a trans daughter and we've struggled with Mumsnet as a source of information. There are a lot of anti-trans people on here. Transgender Trend is an organisation set up to dissuade young people from being transgender as far as our experience goes. I'd give a very wide berth. Mermaids were supportive and helpful, able to put us in touch with counselling, but can't help at all with any kind of treatment. If your nephew goes to a GP there is a four year waiting list for referrals. In the end we've gone to Gender GP but it's very expensive to have to go down the private route. There is so little real help out there for young trans people and an awful lot of hostility.

bhdsjhbs · 04/06/2022 16:57

I have a trans daughter and we've struggled with Mumsnet as a source of information. There are a lot of anti-trans people on here. Transgender Trend is an organisation set up to dissuade young people from being transgender as far as our experience goes. I'd give a very wide berth. Mermaids were supportive and helpful, able to put us in touch with counselling, but can't help at all with any kind of treatment. If your nephew goes to a GP there is a four year waiting list for referrals. In the end we've gone to Gender GP but it's very expensive to have to go down the private route. There is so little real help out there for young trans people and an awful lot of hostility.

KittenKong · 04/06/2022 16:58

Questioning potentially life changing actions is good though yes?

Telling children that they are ‘in the wrong body’ (which I believe that even mermaids isn’t saying these days) is just not right is it?

The counselling - did they question or just agree?

Original poster
Nc0905 · 04/06/2022 18:27

PiffleWiffleWoozle · 02/06/2022 19:36

You sound like a really caring Aunt and your nephew obviously trusts you.

What would you want an Aunt or Uncle to do for your child in this situation if the roles were reversed?

That's a very good question.
I would absolutely hope that they would be there to talk to and advise, but I would also want them to tell me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nc0905 · 04/06/2022 18:42

Having given this a lot of thought and scoured more sites than I can remember it's obvious that this is anything but clear cut.
He clearly needs time and space to experiment and explore but that won't be easy for him at home.
I can give him that space and help him but obviously not behind his dad's back.

I need to have a good talk with him and explain that we need to at least let his dad know.
We need a plan moving forward first though, I am going to invite him round for the day tomorrow so we can talk properly and see how he feels about telling his dad.
At this point I'm assuming it's far more likely to be just a phase or a preference than anything deeper, I just can't bear to think of him struggling with this on his own.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nc0905 · 04/06/2022 18:49

ScootsMcHoy · 03/06/2022 07:59

Do you live somewhere a bit dull?

I do so for that reason I make sure I take my dc to London every single summer holidays. We do stuff and have a lovely time but that's not why I do it. I do it so they can see different people doing different things. Wearing clothes you wouldn't see where we live.

They need to know that living a 2.4 children life in the suburbs is not the only option.

The problem at the moment is that we have all been doing nothing for two years.

We live in the countryside but actually fairly near a very diverse city.
He would definitely have seen plenty of bright and beautiful people from all walks of life

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 04/06/2022 18:49

TrifleFunny · 03/06/2022 15:34

*of an LGBT child, that should say.

Is your child lesbian, gay, bisexual or trans? There’s a lot of difference between them.

Soontobe60 · 04/06/2022 18:51

bhdsjhbs · 04/06/2022 16:57

I have a trans daughter and we've struggled with Mumsnet as a source of information. There are a lot of anti-trans people on here. Transgender Trend is an organisation set up to dissuade young people from being transgender as far as our experience goes. I'd give a very wide berth. Mermaids were supportive and helpful, able to put us in touch with counselling, but can't help at all with any kind of treatment. If your nephew goes to a GP there is a four year waiting list for referrals. In the end we've gone to Gender GP but it's very expensive to have to go down the private route. There is so little real help out there for young trans people and an awful lot of hostility.

Are you happy to pay for a service who’s founding GP has been struck off for the horrendous way he dealt with gender dysphoric children?

garlicandsapphires · 04/06/2022 18:53

I consider myself gender critical but those saying ‘don’t ask this question on MN’ are right. There’s a massive blindspot re: trans issues on here.
Sorry, nothing helpful to contribute to your question OP.