My 3 year old wants to be a girl

[Lalallals248]

Hi!
I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I would just like to chat about this with other mums! My 3 year old son has always been very girly - he's always loved unicorns, watching me do my hair, playing with make-up. His favourite films are Disney Princesses, and he enjoys dressing up in Disney Princess dresses. When he's playing with his brother, he always takes on the girl's roles. His brother is 6, and today he referred to his brother as a feminised version of his name. Let's say 3 yo is Daniel, DS1 called him Danielle. I stepped in and said 'that's not your brother's name' and DS2 said 'it is mummy, I am Danielle.' Normally, when my 3 year old takes on a girl's name, it's a character's name, so this feels different, but I don't know if his brother has just given it to him.
Anyway - my point is: how do I support him? I don't want to push him either way, I just want him to be who he feels he is - whatever that may be. Has anyone experienced something similar?

When my FS was about 3 and at nursery.he spent most of his time playing with the ironing board. Now he is a trucker and as an adult he has never touched an iron. He is 3 and just exiting play. Call him by his name or if you start calling him by a feminised name you will confuse him. Tell your 6 year old to use his name properly.

I've got a three year old and I would just be calling him his normal name. I honestly think your reading far too much into this, as long as you aren't doing the gendered toys and clothes thing then let him develop the way he wants. Statistically he is very very unlikely to actually be trans so this is probably a bit of a game to him.

I have boys and a girl so everyone plays with all sorts of toys and wears all sorts of stuff. The three year old boy went to nursery dressed as a unicorn for book day today, it doesn't make him a trans or a girl, just a person who likes unicorns. This is all just play to kids, and I don't think calling your son a different name right now would do any harm but neither do I think you should do it really.

@Lalallals248
Allow her to be who she is. Let her have female pronouns at home and then it can expand further if it's something she wants. Start small 🤍

At that age my daughter insisted she was a cat. Obviously she's a human female so while it was fine for her to play at being a cat, she grew out of it. Occasionally I still give her behind the ear scritches though.

It's a perfectly normal phase, but it does give you an opportunity to address sexist stereotypes gently with your other children. I'd step away from female pronouns though. Children who recognise the difference between reality and fantasy are less likely to fall under the influence of cults.

As a parent who has been through this I would avoid using any name for a week or two and I suspect it will wear off. DS started to show an interest in girls names and girls clothes and "soft silky things" at about the same age. We let him get on with it and just called him "darling". Things could be very different if we'd affirmed this and feminised his name. Instead he's now very clearly happy in both his sex and his sexuality.

Only you can know what feels right with your own child so just go with your instincts at this stage and just make sure they feel happy and comfortable.

My dd is 3 and insists on wearing boxer shorts, not nickers. When we play doctors there is a little doctors form so I play as if I'm the doctor and for the gender box I ask her "are you a girl or a boy" and she always says boy, so I answer why hello little boy how are you doing today and keep playing. And some days she insists I call her the names of characters from her favorite films or shows. A lot of Ana and Elsa, but also Noddy and Catboy.

I don't feel worried because I think she is just a playful kid and likes to play with her imagination. In writing, it all sounds similar to your child, but if you are sensing it goes deeper then maybe it does. I wouldn't try to influence it at this stage. Just be playful when your child wants to play and see how it develops.

Allow her to be who she is. Let her have female pronouns at home and then it can expand further if it's something she wants. Start small 🤍

Absolutely not.

A 3 year old doesn't need to 'start' at all, let alone 'start small'.

A 3 year old shouldn't be encouraged to start a process which would medicalise their life forever and potentially make them infertile.

They are 3, they say all sorts at that age.

[quote ASugar]@Lalallals248
Allow her to be who she is. Let her have female pronouns at home and then it can expand further if it's something she wants. Start small 🤍[/quote]

Erm, HE is a boy who is playing

@ASugar I think you find the posters child is a boy hth.

Another parent here who had a 'dog' for a while at a similar age. He would only answer to Jake (his dog name), drank water from a bowl on the floor and played fetch.
He also went through a phase of wearing one of my old 'going out' tops as a dress.
And a pirate phase which involved one of my knee high brown boots, because it looked like a wooden leg and sounded a bit like one if he wore it on the hard floor.
Oh and the one where he refused to answer to anyone who used his surname. Apparently I'd told him he could change his to Potter as his middle name was James

DS1 had a unicorn party for his 16th last year, he spent the whole day in a unicorn headband and his favourite t-shirt has a unicorn on.

Both wore nail varnish as small dc.

Both identify as male now.

Children go through phases. Some involve made up names.

My 5 year old son has spent the last week gobbling up My Little Pony.

The week before that he was glued on to Story Bots.

Before that for a month it was Hot Wheels.

My 1 year old daughter is obsessed with the hot wheels garage and is standing and shaking the ramp like Godzilla whilst her 5 year old brother is currently colouring in Nightmare Moon of My Little Pony.

And thus?

Nothing. They are my son and my daughter doing their things of choice this week.

Call him by his name that you have chosen. He will want to be a giraffe/ astronomy teacher/ king of the world/ a unicorn next week and something different the week after.

Don’t look for things that are not an issue yet. Enjoy your lovely young man whilst he still has an imagination. He will be grown up before you know it.

I wouldn't say that means that he wants to be a girl, he just likes stereotypically feminine things, boys can like pink, unicorns and dresses too. He's 3, there's no need to create a big drama out of it, just let him be who he is.

I fight stereotypes in the primary school I volunteer in. I have year 3 boys tell me that they are stronger than girls. It doesn't come from school, it comes from home. By the way, if 2 children are the same height and build there is no physical difference in strength until boys go through puberty. Then, yes, some boys are stronger.

When my son was 5 would hold hands with his best mate, also male. The Mum, totally fine with it, the Dad? No, couldn't even hold hands crossing a road with us. Big strapping rugby playing bloke fearing what? His child would catch the gay?

The school I am in makes no difference between girls and boys apart from toilets. They all play football and netball. Even the schools teams have mixed tag rugby.

You can be a boy and like princesses. At 3 and even older they are just having fun. There is no message to decode. Both of mine were older and pretended to be dogs. They had dog names and at other times completely different names to their own. This was later years of primary school. It is just imaginative play.

I really wouldn't change his name. Your trans friend is projecting. Understandably your friend is keen for other trans people not to suffer, but just because some trans people 'knew' they were trans from the age of 2, it doesn't mean all 2 year olds who experiment with gender are trans. So changing names and stuff is not advisable. When children experiment, they need us to give them a consistent sense of reality. So you might play along, but you shouldn't give them the impression you believe it is really true. They don't have the same relationship to reality as us and they have tremendous imaginations, but we need to be their rock. My daughter kept wanting to change her name, but I don't take every whim seriously. It is not healthy for children for us to do that. If you start consistently calling your son by a girl's name, you are in effective socially transitioning him, which is not advised by the NHS in the first instance.

My sister gave herself a boys name when we were little (she tried it on me and I used to play along). She always wanted the ‘boys’ clothes, toys, haircut... and my parents gave them to her.

She didn’t say that she was a boy. She just preferred ‘boys things’ and our parents were of a mind that so what if she liked cars and action man?

It’s all part of growing up and finding out what you like, copying people you see and not being tied into gender stereotypes.

Never let a child feel that it’s ‘wrong’ of they like certain things, or that it’s an indicator of anything in particular. I personally hated dollies as a child (always have me the creeps) and wasn’t keen on babies. I never wanted to be a princess or liked dressing up. My brother hated football and had very long hair.

Try not to overthink the ‘logic’ of a small child!

When my sister was four she declared her name was Stephen and she was going to grow a willy. My mum said OK then. That was that. She's 28 now and still female.

I had a friend called Stephen! Her real name was Alexandra but she decided to change it when she was about 12. She thought it was cool.

I have DS1 5 and DS2 3. My 3 year old wouldn’t be capable of thinking he’s a girl, it wouldn’t mean anything. He always gets the girls roles when playing because DS1 tells him he’s the girl! It makes me laugh tbh.

Sorry, but I think 3 is too young. I would just use his name & ignore the girl version as it’s probably a game.

Mumsnet is predominantly anti trans.

You can support your child by allowing them to be themselves. It sounds like you're already doing that.

You can call them by the name they ask you, use the pronouns they ask, let them wear what they would like.

Try as hard as it is not to worry about the future. Your child might decide that they wish to revert back to their old name in which case you support them to do that, or they carry on expressing how they feel and being the person they want to be.

My child is the same. First expressed it at 2 and is now 8 and still very firmly the gender they chose to be. Happy. Having encountered nothing negative.

Take it one day at a time.

Why is stating that small children enjoy role play anti anything exactly?

My three year old would only answer to being called Puss In Boots for a while. That included while we were out in public. I think at three it's most likely just a phase. He's 12 now and goes by his name.

Seriously OP. He’s 3 years old.

Also he’s a boy, he can’t be a girl, ever. He can of course play and wear anything which society has deemed ‘girly’ as that’s just gender stereotypes which we should all be trying to stamp out. He can pretend whilst playing games to be a girl but he can’t actually be a girl, ever. I would call him by his actual name unless it’s part of a game/role play.

He is 3. Let him play with what he wants to play with what he wants and dress up as what he wants.

My 3 year old runs around roaring as she thinks she is a dinosaur.