My Transchild is off to Uni. Here we go...

[Starfishsunrise]

I have posted about my son a few times before and the fact that his announcement he thinks he's a girl has totally floored me.

3 years on it still does.

He's not properly 'out' but looks like Uni is the place he will start. He's registered there under a female name!
It's madness.
He chooses not to discuss with me. I have unconditional love for him and if any tiny part of me thought identifying as a woman would be of any help I'd cope. He is very black and white. He took me reading a JK Rowling book as a personal offence.

But logically I can't make any sense of it all. Dress how you want but at the end of the day it's just pretending. I will not lie to him. I do say I love him and want him to be happy.

He's doing a traditionally male subject at Uni. I'm scared he will be stand out for the wrong reasons or be bullied.

I'm not sure why I'm posting again. I can't talk to anyone in real life as he hasn't told anyone.

I think it would be better if he was openly 'out' and we could deal with the new normal.
He should tell his siblings. His father just shrugs.
We thought it was a phase.

I just don't want him to put a label on himself. My son can be gay, straight, effeminate, butch, anything!
But my son can't be a girl.

You sound like a lovely parent who is doing their best. I am the mother of a son who is gay - just wanted to say hang in there, it is not easy and although the media would have us believe that the world is accepting and a lovely place to be whatever, it is not and parenting is hard.

To be honest, I'm not surprised your child is not talking to you about it. I've read your other threads and I feel sad for your child that you still haven't accepted them for who they say they are.

If they identify as female then you need to start accepting this. You saying "My son cannot be a girl" is just plain transphobic and exclusionary to all trans people, not just your child.

Zombie thread.

This thread is two months old.
I had clashes with my heterosexual DCs in late teens. They were becoming adults, they believed they knew better than me, surely that's normal (maybe they did know better than me, not an issue imv). I was quite happy with that and they did their own thing at uni which I would imagine is a great place to come out. An all new scenario.

heyahun* What!? It’s 2020. Tradition is dead.*

Yay ! Tradition stopped in 2020? People don't make traditional choices anymore? I didn't notice that massive and sudden change in society this year.

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

Regardless of anything else surrounding this issue within the world, and your own beliefs, surely as a mother you would use the name and pronouns your child wants after 3 years?

How can your child be openly out if you won't accept that part of their life?

It's you who is making your child compartmentalise.

That's not to say you have to go all out and support absolutely every part of the trans movement at all. But surely the minimum you should have is your childs comfort at heart.

The problem is you're going to see one part of their life and at uni they will have a whole other life, your child won't have anyone to talk to who will ground them. They may well get in with trans groups or TRAs who will do a whole lot of damage.

You need to start respecting your childs choice, they are going to need your input more than ever now.

This!

How is your son getting on at uni, OP?