DS is transgender (ftm)16 and happy

[crazyhat]

He is ftm (female to male) and 16, he has been on Testosterone for 7 months and is getting top surgery (breast removal) at 17, over summer. I want to help people understand transgenderism, as I see a lot of casual transphobia on here. Feel free to ask any questions about transitioning, anything is okay to ask, I just want you to understand.

If you have a DC in a similar situation I can help.

My son doesn't know what makes us male or female, he is 16, not a philosopher! However, he knows his body should be male, you wouldn't understand unless it's something you've dealt with. That's fine and it's not your fault, sometimes I wish I could understand what makes him feel that way. But from the outside, we simply can't.

OP do you or your child understand the difference between knowing something and believing something? That strength of belief is not an indicator of truth?

The posters who say they had feelings when they were young and then grew out of them (as I did too) do need to realise you clearly did not have the SAME true feelings as a trans person then, otherwise you would have been so overwhelmingly desperate to change you would have done it!

Trans people have existed for thousands of years so unless you all changed your name and lived as the opposite sex and told all your family and friends for a number of years and genuinely lived as the other sex , no you didn't go through it and grow out of it.

This is unbelievably sad for that poor child.

And the surgeon prepared to mutilate their body at 17 should be prevented from practising. How is it ethical? "First do no harm..."

Can you stop discussing my child's sex life? His comfort in his body is more important.

But when your child is older, a sex life is a massive part of that surely. It might not matter now, they’re a child. But it will. And you’ve let them make a decision that affects it before they can even really understand it.

At least they don’t want phalloplasty though.

Have you spoken with any support groups other than Mermaids, who are well known to be highly agenda-driven and prone to deliberately misquoting not only the law, but facts too, just to support their position?

(Your dead daughter quote is straight from their awful playbook)

Did you have to give consent for the surgery?

It sounds like he has a lot of negative associations with ‘being a girl’, I wonder why that is.

It doesn’t make sense that he ‘knows his body should be male’ if he can’t explain what male and female is to him though.

I don’t expect that he would necessarily have the answers btw - as you say, he’s 16, a child still really in terms of emotional maturity - but don’t you think he should be able to explain how it is he is male, before you, as the responsible adult, permit him to make permanent changes to his body?

I'm not thinking about his sex life, because he's talked it through with a councilor (as well as fertility treatment etc) he knows the decision he's made, as the process was done via "informed consent" so he literally consented to something he was informed on.

OP, you sound like a great parent and your son is a lucky young man to have your full support. I also think you were very brave posting here! Wishing you and DS all the best.

To clarify, the surgery I mentioned previously, is taking place when he's 17 and 7 months, I don't believe another 5 months will really change his mind, particularly as this is something he's known he's wanted for many years. we're doing it over summer between year 12 and 13, so he doesn't miss out on school, but his body will be ready before University, so he can live life as he wishes.

he literally consented to something he was informed on.

Was he informed about becoming infertile?

You don't need to "be a philosopher" to know what makes us male and female!

Basic biology... probably about Y8 or 9 for the genetics will do it.

I said he was informed about fertility... In the same paragraph...

his body will be ready before University

i swear i've fallen into a parallel dimension :(

So what was your child told about “fertility treatment”, OP? Did anyone actually say the phrase “you will be unable to have your own children”?

as a girl, he was never like a girl. It just means that now I don't expect him to do girly things. I do wish I had a daughter (other DS is 21)

Why do you wish you had a daughter? What is so special about girls? What would you do with this dd that you can’t with a son?

What “girly things” did you expect?

Fwiw i grew up with a mother that expected “girly things” of me. I’m supposed to want to look nice, get my nails done, buy pretty things and want a vacuum for christmas.
Fortunately trans wasn’t a thing in the 60’s. I’m still very “non girly” but I am definitely female. My dd is the same. She gets asked if she’s trans quite a lot because she opted for school uniform trousers (The only girl in a year group of 200 not to wear a skirt) and has surfer style shorter hair.

Btw, it’s not “top surgery”. It’s a double
Mastectomy which is an horrific operation whatever the reason you have it done.

Can you please explain what you mean when you say your child wasn’t girly, and what you would have expected of them as a girl (“girly things”), that you no longer expect?

@nopenotplaying i wish it wasn't real, but this is my life, his life. This is the way it's going to be. Don't act like it's fake when I'm not getting anything out of it apart from trying to educate others about my circumstance.

@nopenotplaying i wish it wasn't real, but this is my life, his life. This is the way it's going to be. Don't act like it's fake when I'm not getting anything out of it apart from trying to educate others about my circumstance.

Still wondering if the OP is going to tell us what things her child will be able to do in the future that they were unable to do before having hormone treatment and their breasts chopped off.

Did you have to give consent for the surgery?

Why? The age of consent is 16 in the UK. A parent can't give consent for their 16 year old to have medical treatment not can they prevent treatment. The 16 year old has autonomy to make their own medical decisions.

@familyofaliens I've answered that, to paraphrase, it's that he couldn't even imagine life as a women, for more, please read my message