surfermum, academic work is very flexible and specific office hours vary. Most days I could be out of the office to pick them up from school/nursery at 3 or 4 pm. The way I had hopedthe weekends would work out was that one week I would take them down to London and the other he would come up to see them, I would vacate the house if necessary and go and stay at my parents' or somesuch.
I was willing to give him a lot more time in school holidays etc.
As it is it looks as if we are going to have the reverse arrangement whereby I travel down one weekend and get them up the other and have more time in holidays. He just emailed me to say that is basically all he will agree to.
I think he got to call the shots because I felt guilty and because he scared the shit out of me with the initial petition saying I would be reduced to every other weekend access. This was immediately after he found out by checking my computer that I had slept with another man during a period of separation when we were living in the same house. I didn't know enough about the law then, I thought 'adultery' and my depression would count against me.
this year with working p/t and having them 50:50 I've clearly proved I can look after them and am not a nutcase, so I was less worried about that, but it seems my year of making concessions have backfired on me.
Tbh I am so tired of it all now I just want a decision and it to be over. Whatever happens I will make every effort to give the boys as much quality time as possible.
When they are older I hope to make them understand that I needed to work but didn't want to get involved in an ugly fight with their father who had his own ideas about where they should grow up.
btw dittany he agreed to the move up when we were still together before the separation, although this year when we talked about possible reconciliation he said it would still be on the cards if we got back together. Doubt I can use that in court though.
I don't know if direct bullying is what it is anymore, he just wants to erase me from his life and doesn't see that that will affect the dcs.One of his parting shots when we split up was 'you're dead as far as I'm concerned' which I thought was pretty strong even for the circumstances, and his attitude since then has been pretty consistent- for instance, I went into respite care for depression over the summer in lieu of going to psychiatric hospital at a time of acute crisis (when I was still stupidly attempting reconciliation) and he did not visit once in 5 days or bring the kids, did not phone to check up on me and did not offer to pick me up. The staff there were shocked tbh.
I think that I am basically 'dead to him' and he is determined to get on with his life as if me and my irritating demands did not exist, although he seems happy to throw money at me to make me go away.