Financial abuse - manipulation of CMS

[patiorain]

I think I am being financially abused, in a complicated way. I am piecing it together with the help of AI and am horrified. Can you help confirm/ negate/ fill in the gaps.

I was with a relatively high earner who owns his own company and pays himself out of dividends, etc. We separated. We were never married. I have two kids.

After we separated, we rented a house for me and the kids near to the schools (state schools, he had already reneged on private school fees). He paid half rent. I paid the rest and all other bills/ expenses (I am relatively high earning myself). This has been his only financial contribution. It was hideously unfair but better than nothing and I accepted it to keep the peace. He took me to court and obtained an order for pretty minimal contact to our two children but only one of them goes on a routine basis - the other is a bit older and sees him infrequently despite the order. This is her choice.

Recently, he declared he has lost earnings and can no longer pay the rent. He unilaterally approached the agent and ended the joint tenancy. He said we have to move to a less expensive home - no proposals or offers on what that would be. I continue paying the full rent for now on a rolling basis (more on how I can later).

He made me apply to the CMS, Based on his most recent tax return, he was assessed (no surprises) as owing the maximum monthly payment for our two kids. This was less than he was previously paying as half rent but not miles away.

He then claimed a dramatic loss of earnings and challenged the CMS assessment. I challenged his challenge and came up with enough evidence of his business/ previous earnings/ lifestyle/ payments to me and his previous family to get the assessment of earnings upheld.

He took me to court a year after he did previously to apply for more access (bringing access for each kids to 52 nights/ 104 days), Obviously intended to get CMS discount. This has not yet been resolved.

Although the CMS assessment means the amount owed to me has dropped, and, although he says his earnings have dropped, I have continued to be paid for the full amount I previously got (half our rent). A small part of this comes from him from his account. Another amount comes from a relative from another account.

I initially thought that was okay... I don't care so long as I get the money. I thought his relative cared about us.

But AI suggests this is very sinister and he is tanking his income/ diverting his income with a view to securing a lower CMS assessment after the filing of his next tax return.

I think I know what is going on from AI. I feel I have been very naive. Is there real life experience/ advice out there? And how do I handle it?

There are some other things as well that seem to fit in the narrative

You needed AI to tell you that a self employed father can declare stupidly low earnings and maintenance will be based on those, and that it’s a shitty thing to do?

No, I knew that he was dishonest about the sudden drop of earnings. That was obvious. I didn't realise the split payments was a problem.

So what? You know you can’t rely on his maintenance payments. If he’s doing something dodgy to divert taxable income that’s on him. You said you earn reasonably well. Rely on your own income. Anything from him is a bonus.

Er, well apart from it's the law that he pays to support his kids, whether I can support them or not

I wasn't expecting "give up" as the advice

Anyway, I can't support the kids, including housing, entirely on myself without massive changes to our life

What legal advice are you after? You can’t have expected him to pay half of your rent indefinitely especially if it was more than the CMS amount, what would you have done when the children grow up and he didn’t have to pay you anything? You weren’t married so he only owed basic child support and being self employed he can manipulate his figures to minimise his liability. It sounds like you’ll have to move to somewhere you can afford. Not sure what else you can do.

The half rent was the private agreement we came to - we can enter whatever agreement we want. It wasn't an agreement that was favourable to me as I was paying everything else.

I asked at the end of my post how do I handle this? So what do I do regarding this unsolicited payment that comes in from his relative that represents an OVERPAYMENT? And what do Mumsnetters feel is going on with this?

I'm not looking for a load of sour grapes because I had half my rent paid for a bit

Maybe this shouldn't be posted in "Legal". If there is a more appropriate classification for someone looking for experience with separation/ CMS/ financial manipulation to avoid CMS payments, please can someone let me know and I can transfer? Thanks

Have I got this right...

You are an unmarried mother of two. When the relationship ended, the father paid you (paying your rent is the same thing, it's money going to you) more than his CMS calculation would be, and this was using his genuine high earnings amount.

You have continued to receive this amount.

It's more than you "should" get via legal calculation. And as you say it's the maximum amount CMS go to, that means you're getting circa £2100 per month, and this covers just half your rent. You call only receiving this, from someone no more than your boyfriend "hideously unfair" because you have to cover the rest of your bills.

£4200 a month just on rent for a house big enough for 1 adult and 2 children is utterly ridiculous. Yes, you need to change what you want to rent if you can't fund that yourself. And I say this as someone who spent nearly a decade with someone on the STRL.

Whilst he's potentially being a dick, and that's for HMRC to decide, regarding how he's declaring his business income, it does sound like you need a bit of a reality check on how long you expected to live beyond your own means based on the fact their other parent has a successful business.

You could report it and ask MN to move it to divorce/separation. I expect you’ll still get replies saying he’s entitled to terminate the private arrangement.

I think the only sensible thing to do is secure housing that you can pay for, without relying on the money from ex / the relative.
Him deciding he could no longer pay half the rent and ending the joint tenancy was always going to happen. It kept him tied to a relationship that's over.

And that's your answer.

You're going to have to live within your means. If you want fancy things, you'll have to work for them.

Getting shitty with people giving you a reality check because you've felt entitled to more than you've had, when it turns out that was already over generous, is up to you. But it doesn't change anything.

If I was your ex boyfriend I wouldn't be funding half a £4000+ a month rent payment for 2 kids either. You weren't married.

I don't doubt that he was entitled to terminate the private arrangement and he did. I want to know what's going on with him paying a very small amount and the relative still paying for the private arrangement from a separate account?
Thanks, sorry this request is so boring and tiresome to everyone. I think I'll go back to AI!

"over generous" is not something I feel my ex is being! And I don't think I have "fancy things" either. Thanks all for not answering the question and just making me feel shittier

As you can see from my post, he's resisting the CMS payment he's been declared to owe also

I mean, sorry you don't like the answers you're getting. They're fact.

I have 8yrs experience working with the CMS and their cases. And not at a basic level. The FIU. Their legal department. I know it inside out. They aren't great.

Gently, you need to grow up and pay for yourself if you want to copy the lifestyle that an ex boyfriend of yours had. You're entitled to none of it. The one thing you are entitled to is CMS and you'll find there's lots he can legally do to reduce his earnings, let alone the more shady things.

If you had an expectation of living off someone with a lump sum, division of assets, or maintaining of lifestyle post separation, then you should have had your children in a marriage.

Good luck with AI.

My ex gave up work and decided to live off his inheritance money for a while to get out of paying child maintenance. He dropped what we had agreed privately to just £100 a month. I called CMS said there was nothing they could do as he didn't earn a wage. I think the only thing I could claim would be 10% of his savings interest, or something, if I took him to court.

I honestly just gave up with it all.

If you’re a high earner why can’t you buy a house instead of renting?

Could his business genuinely be experiencing difficulty now ( many are) and the relative who holds some of his money ( and perhaps always did) is sending you it until it runs out. Which also gives you more time to find alternate housing.
Just putting the suggestion out there because him sending money to a relative to 'hide' it but then it being sent to you anyway makes literally no sense.

Sorry op but you need to live within your means. He was never going to continue paying the rent forever you must of known this.

Maybe we are not on the same page but AI says he is paying me via the relative so he can tank his income ahead of the next tax return/ CMS assessment, while continuing to pay me so for the time being so I do not report non-payments (I took them as good faith payments). I was looking for experience of that sort of thing.

It's up to me what accommodation and other choices I make post-separation (that wasn't my question) provided he is paying his legal amount. My question relates to how to ensure he is paying his legal amount - and how he may be skirting it.

I would love to hear from anyone who can help with this. Thank you. I realise I should have got married and am not in a good position.

Financial abuse occurs when someone isn’t being given access to financial assets that are theirs.

in a marriage (in England) assets are considered to be held jointly so one person refusing to give the other money is financial abuse.

in this situation you are in a very vulnerable position as legally all he has to pay is cms. Yes, it’s shit. Yes, many high earners get around the system to stop lower earners getting the money they need to support the children.

but realistically you cannot do much about it.

I don’t think there is anything you can do to prevent his CMS being reduced if his official income goes down. It sucks but that’s they way the rules work.

As someone else has said are you sure his business is doing as well as it was previously? My ex husband is self employed and his business went through a rough patch so at one point he was paying me £100 a month.

I’ve worked hard to make sure I’m not dependent on his money as it’s not guaranteed and will stop at some point anyway when the DC turn 18 and he starts giving them money directly.