Can my ex stop me relocating 300 miles with our baby?

[TheZingyUser]

I dont even know where to start with its such a mess. I have a 8 and half month old. I start seeing her dad after my second marriage broke down to finding out my then husband had sa my older two daughters. Relationship with my babies dad was at first brilliant couldn't have asked for a better partner. When I was around 5 months pregnant thkngs began to slip. He would constantly bring my ex up who abused my girls saying yh he used to say you were like this or oh yh forgot he was a p*n star, you know where he is go to him etc. This would bring me into pure panic. Other things he would also start arguments all the time, he would go extremely moody if I turned him down for s . He would constantly complain about my older children not to them though just to me. Once baby was born it just got course. I felt extremely protective of her and was suffering with anxiety especially around anything happening to her or becoming ill. I would even have nightmares that my ex husband had come and taken her away it was awful. I had a mental health assessment and they said it was from the trauma of what had happen to my other daughters. Now given that babys dad knew this he would say things like if anything happens to her its your fault. When i was breastfeeding my daughter he would try to be sexual with me I told him to stop this was uncomfortable for me but then would try again. I would get things said like of course you are yours always sorting the baby out aren't you. He did not do any of the day to day care with her. He would keep me awake at night starting arguments called me all sorts of names in front of our baby and for my older children to hear. He was also drinking alot. After begging him on my occasions id finally had enough and told him I no longer wanted to continue the relationship. The police removed us from the house which was in his name being left homeless. We were put in a hotel. The abuse did not stop. In fact got a whole lot worse he threatened to hit my older sons myself and also said i should have aborted my daughter. Whilst we're im the hotel we were looking for places to live. Me and my older boys had a conversation around relocating to the area their father lives in. One of sons is autistic and needs alot of support and care and can be a struggle with now having the baby. Me and their dad have a good relationship. The only reason our relationship broke down was due to the life he lead at that time which was around drugs and drink. Their dad has now been completely clean for five years and works within recovery helping other addicts and has completely turned his life around and had been a good support to us since. We decided we would take which ever property we could first and if it wasnt in his area we would relocate later on. Anyway we got a property where we already were. The house needed work while this went on babys dad carried on abuse and refused to give me any of the childrens belongings so the police were called and they arrested him after seeing all of the evidence I had to back it up. I have never said he can not see his baby just that it needed to be supervised especially when it came out he had been using cocaine for 8 months behind my back and also the fact that he bad mouths his previous partner to his 8 year old also telling them thay they are ruining his life like their fat c*t of a mum. Hes family have had open access to her when ever they wanted. But bothered once. The older kids dad ended up taking time off work to help me sort the new house out. During this time we grew even closer and started a relationship with each other again. Baby still hadnt seen her dad no arranged contact. Fast forward to now. So he knows im in a relationship and is putting a pbs order in to prevent me moving when im ready. I have explained that its not straight away I feel like being in a new area will on a whole be better for the family support with my son I have started to build a strong support network there and I dont intend to move in with the kids dad we will live separately. I have explained that I want him to build a relationship with our baby and that every other weekend and school holidays would be ok and willing to facilitate transport also. Hes not interested in any of that. Also I find it hard to trust him as his other child's mother has no idea that he had been using cocaine whilst he son was in the house. I get he has a right to a relationship with his child and I really am not trying to prevent that and yes it is a 300 miles away. All im trying to do is make a better life for me and the children on a whole. I have no support network where I am whatso ever and dont like going out in fear I will bump into the ex that sa my girls or his family (court is still on going) its a very isolating and lonely life. I have employment opportunities also to the new location as I dont want to be on benefits my whole life. Has anyone been i a situation where their ex has manged to stop them moving

OP your posts are very difficult to follow, you're not quoting or tagging who you're replying to, and it's not clear at all which of the exes the replies are about.

If the court awarded that the child must remain within the jurisdiction, the OP can move, but the baby can’t. police and social services have the power to retrieve the baby and place it in the full time care of the father within the jurisdiction.

that’s the whole point.

the OP then has a choice as to what she does. Shared care within the jurisdiction, or visitation if she lives outside of that jurisdiction.

The older four are adults. It looks as if three are still with OP, but presumably they are working or qualify for benefits.

Im going delete this thread
All its done is make me feel worse than I already did. I have managed to raise four amazing beautiful children. One an accountant, one serves in the armed forces, one is studying and one who needs etc support and guidance which is the main reason for moving. All have been brought up with good morals and respect they arent kids that have been out causing trouble drinking drug taking etc ive done my best to bring them up to be decent human beings which sadly there aren't enough of these days

Two are, one is an accountant and then my son with special needs get benefits. One is in the armed forces and the other studying

Why Isn’t your sons dad moving 300 miles t be with you if he genuinely wants to be in a relationship and support his child?

You are moving your entire life 300 miles away, all because of your new relationship.

You will have to travel 300miles EOW to facilitate a relationship between your ex and his child.

You do not have good judgment in men.
You have said about 3 men - 1 was a peadophile, 1 was a drug addict and 1 was abusive.

Your baby is only 8 months old - it must have been a matter of weeks from when you broke up with your ex to when you got with your current partner - that’s ridiculous!

Put the move on hold.
End your relationship.
Give it 6 months to a year of being single.
If you still want to move after that then do it but be prepared to have to travel back to see your ex on a regular basis.

Op, I’m sorry you’ve been given such a hard time on this thread. Your situation is complicated, but it sounds like you’ve done a brilliant job raising your children and have managed to ditch the toxic males in your and their lives over the years. You’re not the only woman to have unfortunately ended up with more than one abuser.

So the main advantage of moving would be a fresh start a long way from the abusive father of your baby, plus the support of the father of 3 of your 4 adult children, one of whom has additional needs. I don’t know exactly what the legal implications might be in the unlikely event that he objected to the move, but I think with an 8month old child who has been solely cared for by you, even when you were with her father, and the fact that the police were involved in removing you and your child from the family home because of DV, I doubt that anyone would think it was in the interests of your daughter to enforce maintaining a relationship with her father which has never really existed. In your position, I would just go ahead and move. Very unlikely that your ex would go through the courts. Good luck with your new start!

Absolutely this op!

So it’s yourself, baby and 2 adult sons (one with special needs and one without) that would move?

How old is the son without needs? Is he happy to move?

Do your daughters live where you do now? Or how far away would they be from the new place?

I can understand your reason for moving. If you do move I would say don’t get into a relationship with your ex. You need to work on yourself and you have got things in place to do so which is good. You and older kids dad can still co parent and have that support, you don’t need to be in a relationship to do that.

Not sure if you have already mentioned this, but do you have any family and if so are they where you are now?

Sounds like this thread has served a purpose in informing you of the negative effects of your actions. If you'd genuinely explored and accepted this it wouldn't upset you.

So you've visited this area 300 miles away and made a support network that you've been unable to form in the place you've lived for many years?

You may not have know they would turn out to be addicts but you do know your sons' father is an addict yet you're choosing to be in a relationship with him and uproot your whole life for him with your 8mo daughter to boot?

So sorry @TheZingyUser . Yet another woman who has come here looking for support and help and has been made to feel worse. This is happening more and more on here. Time for @MNHQ to take some kind of action with proper moderation.

Posters may not agree with OPs life choices but berating her with no support is not the way to go.
Good luck @TheZingyUser .

She’s been made to feel worse because people have pointed out how flawed this plan is.

OP is moving her entire life 300 miles away, all for man who hasn’t supported his son in years and hasn’t bother moving closer even after he’s been clean of drugs.

Surely supporting someone who is obviously vulnerable and has a history of making poor choices is not about simply agreeing with them so that they don’t feel bad.
Her children need to be put first and right now she is putting herself and inability to stay single ahead of her children.

She has jumped into a relationship when she only separated from her abusive ex a few weeks/months ago.

Telling OP to hold off on the move and stay single for more than a few weeks is not being unsupportive, it’s literally saying what’s best for OP and her children.

Advising OP to concentrate on her children instead of dating is good advice. If the OP is offended by that then so be it.

You're making it up as you go along.