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Legal matters

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Can my ex stop me relocating 300 miles with our baby?

89 replies

TheZingyUser · 05/07/2026 20:02

I dont even know where to start with its such a mess. I have a 8 and half month old. I start seeing her dad after my second marriage broke down to finding out my then husband had sa my older two daughters. Relationship with my babies dad was at first brilliant couldn't have asked for a better partner. When I was around 5 months pregnant thkngs began to slip. He would constantly bring my ex up who abused my girls saying yh he used to say you were like this or oh yh forgot he was a p*n star, you know where he is go to him etc. This would bring me into pure panic. Other things he would also start arguments all the time, he would go extremely moody if I turned him down for s . He would constantly complain about my older children not to them though just to me. Once baby was born it just got course. I felt extremely protective of her and was suffering with anxiety especially around anything happening to her or becoming ill. I would even have nightmares that my ex husband had come and taken her away it was awful. I had a mental health assessment and they said it was from the trauma of what had happen to my other daughters. Now given that babys dad knew this he would say things like if anything happens to her its your fault. When i was breastfeeding my daughter he would try to be sexual with me I told him to stop this was uncomfortable for me but then would try again. I would get things said like of course you are yours always sorting the baby out aren't you. He did not do any of the day to day care with her. He would keep me awake at night starting arguments called me all sorts of names in front of our baby and for my older children to hear. He was also drinking alot. After begging him on my occasions id finally had enough and told him I no longer wanted to continue the relationship. The police removed us from the house which was in his name being left homeless. We were put in a hotel. The abuse did not stop. In fact got a whole lot worse he threatened to hit my older sons myself and also said i should have aborted my daughter. Whilst we're im the hotel we were looking for places to live. Me and my older boys had a conversation around relocating to the area their father lives in. One of sons is autistic and needs alot of support and care and can be a struggle with now having the baby. Me and their dad have a good relationship. The only reason our relationship broke down was due to the life he lead at that time which was around drugs and drink. Their dad has now been completely clean for five years and works within recovery helping other addicts and has completely turned his life around and had been a good support to us since. We decided we would take which ever property we could first and if it wasnt in his area we would relocate later on. Anyway we got a property where we already were. The house needed work while this went on babys dad carried on abuse and refused to give me any of the childrens belongings so the police were called and they arrested him after seeing all of the evidence I had to back it up. I have never said he can not see his baby just that it needed to be supervised especially when it came out he had been using cocaine for 8 months behind my back and also the fact that he bad mouths his previous partner to his 8 year old also telling them thay they are ruining his life like their fat c*t of a mum. Hes family have had open access to her when ever they wanted. But bothered once. The older kids dad ended up taking time off work to help me sort the new house out. During this time we grew even closer and started a relationship with each other again. Baby still hadnt seen her dad no arranged contact. Fast forward to now. So he knows im in a relationship and is putting a pbs order in to prevent me moving when im ready. I have explained that its not straight away I feel like being in a new area will on a whole be better for the family support with my son I have started to build a strong support network there and I dont intend to move in with the kids dad we will live separately. I have explained that I want him to build a relationship with our baby and that every other weekend and school holidays would be ok and willing to facilitate transport also. Hes not interested in any of that. Also I find it hard to trust him as his other child's mother has no idea that he had been using cocaine whilst he son was in the house. I get he has a right to a relationship with his child and I really am not trying to prevent that and yes it is a 300 miles away. All im trying to do is make a better life for me and the children on a whole. I have no support network where I am whatso ever and dont like going out in fear I will bump into the ex that sa my girls or his family (court is still on going) its a very isolating and lonely life. I have employment opportunities also to the new location as I dont want to be on benefits my whole life. Has anyone been i a situation where their ex has manged to stop them moving

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 05/07/2026 20:50

This is the legal board, I hope you get more legal advice rather than character assignation.

TheZingyUser · 05/07/2026 20:57

No court as of yet, no child arrangements. Move would be closer to the three older childrens dad, he will be able to help with our son who is autistic

OP posts:
NeverLookInTheMirror · 05/07/2026 20:59

So five kids by four men.

On the face of it moving would be a good idea, but not to move to be with yet another man.

Give the relationships a miss, do the freedom programme, and stop bringing man after man after man into your children’s lives.

Frankly the fact that you already had a situation where your children were abused by a partner makes me wonder why you’re so quick to constantly bring yet more men into their lives.

Iceplanet · 05/07/2026 21:02

Your top priority should be getting sterilised. Then focus less on your own wants and more on the children you have already brought into the world. Couldn't follow your op. If my daughters were victims of sa, id be too busy focusing on them never mind having time to find a new boyfriend and baby. Please tell me this isn't real.

TheZingyUser · 05/07/2026 21:04

My daughters of course are my main concern and always will be. My older 4 children are adults now and my daughters dont live at home one serves in the army. My daughters have been through a lot it was never disclosed till later on as soon as it was the police were informed immediately and its taken them two years to press charges please dont presume they arent my concern

OP posts:
TheZingyUser · 05/07/2026 21:06

Hes actually the father of one of daughters that's been abused and has been a great support getting us all therapy etc

OP posts:
TheZingyUser · 05/07/2026 21:07

Thank you

OP posts:
SweepSqueaks · 05/07/2026 21:12

RoseField1 · 05/07/2026 20:45

What??

I think she means she has two sons. Also a daughter with the person she’s dating/fleeing and a daughter with an ex boyfriend and a daughter with her ex husband.

MeetMeOnTheCorner · 05/07/2026 21:24

There certainly are cases where a parent is prevented from moving because other parent wants regular contact. In this case, is he going to start court proceedings to see the baby? If he’s off drugs, and tests negative, he could win. If you move behind his back, he could still try the court but you would need a strong case to say why you moved. I think you probably have it. You might well get legal aid too with DV involved.

Id try living without a man for a while. Your dc deserve better and this lifestyle is poor for them to witness.

chocoluv · 05/07/2026 21:27

Just be single FFS

It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known this man, you’ve got an 8 month old and should not be getting into any other relationship.
Just stay single for a couple of years.

You want to move 300miles away?
So you’re either leaving your latest partner or you’re planning to move your 4 kids across the country just to be with your partner.

Is your ex on the BC?
As you will be the one moving, you will need to facilitate the contact.

Are you able to drive 300miles EOW?
Where will you stay when you’re there?

End your relationship and then wait 6 months.
If you still want to move after 6 months then do it.

Your 4 kids need stability.

Sometimeswinning · 05/07/2026 21:28

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/07/2026 20:50

This is the legal board, I hope you get more legal advice rather than character assignation.

Can she take her child away from their father because she’s got a new boyfriend? Legally no. Morally no. Can she? Yes. No court is going to be able to enforce her renting a home close by.

TheZingyUser · 05/07/2026 21:28

I wont be living him, just same area so he can help care for our autistic sons needs we share this son together

OP posts:
chocoluv · 05/07/2026 21:29

How many kids have you got?
And how many still live with you/will move with you?

Are you ok with being so far away from them, even if they are adults and don’t live at home?

chocoluv · 05/07/2026 21:30

TheZingyUser · 05/07/2026 21:28

I wont be living him, just same area so he can help care for our autistic sons needs we share this son together

Why does he live 300 miles away?

Has he not been helping to care for his autistic son his entire life?

TheZingyUser · 05/07/2026 21:31

My 4 kids are adults one of which has special needs and need help with which is the main reason for the move

OP posts:
OutOfApricots · 05/07/2026 21:32

TheZingyUser · 05/07/2026 20:20

All abuse is documented with the police i also have video,photo evidence and a video of how he spoke to his other child. If I full stop say he cant have a relationship with his daughter im scared this would go against me in court

You don't have to say anything to him at all. Just move a long way away and don't tell him where. You are escaping your abuser.

The onus would then be on him to apply for access via the courts, and considering his prior behaviour and since there's been considerable police involvement, it is unlikely the courts will smile benignly on him.

Talk to Womens Aid.

DaisyChain505 · 05/07/2026 21:34

so all this has happened and you’re in yet another relationship already?

Ditch the man and focus on your poor children who have already been through the worst thing possible and then on top of that pushed from pillar to post with all of these new random men being sprung into their lives left right and centre and being moved so often.

You’re not putting your poor children first. They were sexually assaulted by the man who they were meant to trust the most and you thought it was ok to move into the home of a strange man so soon after that trauma. It turned out you picked another twat so you’ve bounced onto the next strange man they have to live with.

I honestly feel sick for your children reading this.

TheZingyUser · 05/07/2026 21:35

When we separated years ago he moved away, he still saw the children for around 7 years and then got into addiction to which I stopped contact. No hes been clean and made a good carer for himself helping other people get into recovery where he lives

OP posts:
youalright · 05/07/2026 21:36

This reply has been deleted

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SweepSqueaks · 05/07/2026 21:38

If you move 300 miles away, won’t you be distancing yourself from your adult daughters?

disturbia · 05/07/2026 21:39

TheZingyUser · 05/07/2026 20:27

Even if I moved before informing him a judge can actually make me move back

The Judge won't if he is a violent abusive drug user.

TheZingyUser · 05/07/2026 21:40

One my girls dont live at home their adults, two i never would have never believed my then husband would have done what he did either althoughi carry guilt everyday. Three babys dad wasnt a stranger myself and adult children had known him 20 years and yes I stupidly thought he wouldn't hurt me. And then said new man is the father of my 3 oldest children hes not a stranger

OP posts:
APinkAndSpottyGiraffey · 05/07/2026 21:40

Has the baby’s father actually made an application to court for visitation and / or to prevent you moving? Or is he just threatening?

If it’s in court all, DO NOT move, defend it with his lack of contact and your better prospects etc at the new location

If it’s not in court, block him totally and set up an email address for him to use to contact you (or use a parenting app). He only contacts you about his child, do not tell him anything about your personal life, any move, anything. Move. Immediately ideally.

Oppositesituation · 05/07/2026 21:43

professionalcommentreader · 05/07/2026 20:09

Not sure how to say this, but can you give the relationships a miss for a few years and concentrate on the children, it sounds as if they have been through a huge amount and need to strong mum to build foundations for them.

This.

OP please please focus on your kids, they have been through so much and so have you.

youalright · 05/07/2026 21:44

SweepSqueaks · 05/07/2026 21:38

If you move 300 miles away, won’t you be distancing yourself from your adult daughters?

Probably a good thing