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Legal matters

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Can my ex stop me relocating 300 miles with our baby?

89 replies

TheZingyUser · 05/07/2026 20:02

I dont even know where to start with its such a mess. I have a 8 and half month old. I start seeing her dad after my second marriage broke down to finding out my then husband had sa my older two daughters. Relationship with my babies dad was at first brilliant couldn't have asked for a better partner. When I was around 5 months pregnant thkngs began to slip. He would constantly bring my ex up who abused my girls saying yh he used to say you were like this or oh yh forgot he was a p*n star, you know where he is go to him etc. This would bring me into pure panic. Other things he would also start arguments all the time, he would go extremely moody if I turned him down for s . He would constantly complain about my older children not to them though just to me. Once baby was born it just got course. I felt extremely protective of her and was suffering with anxiety especially around anything happening to her or becoming ill. I would even have nightmares that my ex husband had come and taken her away it was awful. I had a mental health assessment and they said it was from the trauma of what had happen to my other daughters. Now given that babys dad knew this he would say things like if anything happens to her its your fault. When i was breastfeeding my daughter he would try to be sexual with me I told him to stop this was uncomfortable for me but then would try again. I would get things said like of course you are yours always sorting the baby out aren't you. He did not do any of the day to day care with her. He would keep me awake at night starting arguments called me all sorts of names in front of our baby and for my older children to hear. He was also drinking alot. After begging him on my occasions id finally had enough and told him I no longer wanted to continue the relationship. The police removed us from the house which was in his name being left homeless. We were put in a hotel. The abuse did not stop. In fact got a whole lot worse he threatened to hit my older sons myself and also said i should have aborted my daughter. Whilst we're im the hotel we were looking for places to live. Me and my older boys had a conversation around relocating to the area their father lives in. One of sons is autistic and needs alot of support and care and can be a struggle with now having the baby. Me and their dad have a good relationship. The only reason our relationship broke down was due to the life he lead at that time which was around drugs and drink. Their dad has now been completely clean for five years and works within recovery helping other addicts and has completely turned his life around and had been a good support to us since. We decided we would take which ever property we could first and if it wasnt in his area we would relocate later on. Anyway we got a property where we already were. The house needed work while this went on babys dad carried on abuse and refused to give me any of the childrens belongings so the police were called and they arrested him after seeing all of the evidence I had to back it up. I have never said he can not see his baby just that it needed to be supervised especially when it came out he had been using cocaine for 8 months behind my back and also the fact that he bad mouths his previous partner to his 8 year old also telling them thay they are ruining his life like their fat c*t of a mum. Hes family have had open access to her when ever they wanted. But bothered once. The older kids dad ended up taking time off work to help me sort the new house out. During this time we grew even closer and started a relationship with each other again. Baby still hadnt seen her dad no arranged contact. Fast forward to now. So he knows im in a relationship and is putting a pbs order in to prevent me moving when im ready. I have explained that its not straight away I feel like being in a new area will on a whole be better for the family support with my son I have started to build a strong support network there and I dont intend to move in with the kids dad we will live separately. I have explained that I want him to build a relationship with our baby and that every other weekend and school holidays would be ok and willing to facilitate transport also. Hes not interested in any of that. Also I find it hard to trust him as his other child's mother has no idea that he had been using cocaine whilst he son was in the house. I get he has a right to a relationship with his child and I really am not trying to prevent that and yes it is a 300 miles away. All im trying to do is make a better life for me and the children on a whole. I have no support network where I am whatso ever and dont like going out in fear I will bump into the ex that sa my girls or his family (court is still on going) its a very isolating and lonely life. I have employment opportunities also to the new location as I dont want to be on benefits my whole life. Has anyone been i a situation where their ex has manged to stop them moving

OP posts:
Mycatmax · 05/07/2026 20:05

Just move and text him afterwards. He sounds dreadful.

professionalcommentreader · 05/07/2026 20:09

Not sure how to say this, but can you give the relationships a miss for a few years and concentrate on the children, it sounds as if they have been through a huge amount and need to strong mum to build foundations for them.

QuaintBeaker · 05/07/2026 20:10

Sorry, so he's an abusive drug user and you want him to have a relationship with your baby?

I think you'd be wise to get some legal advice.
Yes, he can apply to the court to prevent you moving and if cafcass and the court don't feel the move is in your child's best interests he may win.

Is the abuse documented with police?
Might be worth talking to women's aid as well

ManyATrueWord · 05/07/2026 20:10

I'd move quickly and without consulting him. He sounds an abusive dickwad. Your baby will be better off without him. Speak to Women's Aid, plan a strategy and only allow supervised visits.

PissOffJeffrey · 05/07/2026 20:14

Do you have 5 children? 2 boys, 2 older girls & a baby girl?

It sounds as though it would do you all good to be away from not only the paedophile ex but baby’s father too. If he’s interested in keeping contact with his daughter that can be arranged properly via the courts.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 05/07/2026 20:16

So do you have two older boys with one Man who you’re not dating again and two girls who’s dad sexually assaulted them and a third dad with the baby
this would help us

a court will let you move if it’s in the childrens best interest, if baby dad isn’t seeing baby much it’s hard for him to argue that baby’s right to a relationship with him will be impacted by the move

i don’t know why you told someone so controlling and abusive you were thinking of moving

what to the older kids think about moving so far from their schools or jobs and friends

if they are all up for moving I’d just go asap and don’t tell babies father as once you’re all settled there they can’t send the kids back

Watchoutfortheslowaraf · 05/07/2026 20:19

Yes move away from him. And stop having relationships and babies with new men. Concentrate on the children you have and the support they need, especially your daughters who have been abused.

TheZingyUser · 05/07/2026 20:20

All abuse is documented with the police i also have video,photo evidence and a video of how he spoke to his other child. If I full stop say he cant have a relationship with his daughter im scared this would go against me in court

OP posts:
ThreeRandomThings · 05/07/2026 20:22

I agree with pp that I think it would be good to get some proper legal advice. Have you spoken to Women's Aid? They might be able to help. But well done for taking steps to get away from him and asking here first. Please make sure you see your GP / family planning nurse for some rock solid contraception - maybe an IUD or the implant? So you can focus on supporting your existing children through this tricky time without risking getting pregnant again. Good luck - i hope you can move somewhere new and your children have a happy and safe life together 💐

QuaintBeaker · 05/07/2026 20:22

TheZingyUser · 05/07/2026 20:20

All abuse is documented with the police i also have video,photo evidence and a video of how he spoke to his other child. If I full stop say he cant have a relationship with his daughter im scared this would go against me in court

I would be concerned that they'll think you can't effectively safeguard your child though

TheZingyUser · 05/07/2026 20:23

I have been sterilised now. I never planned on having baby I was on the pill although not planned i wouldn't change her for the world

OP posts:
TheZingyUser · 05/07/2026 20:24

Social services did an assessment and discharged me that said because I moved from the relationship and said he has to be with someone I was safeguarding

OP posts:
QuaintBeaker · 05/07/2026 20:26

TheZingyUser · 05/07/2026 20:24

Social services did an assessment and discharged me that said because I moved from the relationship and said he has to be with someone I was safeguarding

That's good. I would highlight that if it ends up in court, and not say you want him to be able to see her

TheZingyUser · 05/07/2026 20:27

Even if I moved before informing him a judge can actually make me move back

OP posts:
TheZingyUser · 05/07/2026 20:30

I have two sons and daughter with the person ive started dating now, one daughter with my ex husband and a daughter with my ex.

OP posts:
Gardenisablooming · 05/07/2026 20:34

Is he on the get birth certificate? Apply for new school places for the older dc. Get established in a new area..
Seek support from your local council.

Wasywasydoodah · 05/07/2026 20:34

You have 2 options. Apply for a specific issue order that lets you move. Then there would be a cafcass assessment and the court will decide. It will take quite a long time.

Or just move, and make it impossible for you to move back (ie no house, etc). The second is risky because a court could order you to return. But they also have to make orders that are in the child’s best interests and so they might not order that.

There are no guarantees either way.

Whatever you decide, you should access domestic abuse support and continue to do so

WalkAway7 · 05/07/2026 20:36

I’m sorry OP but I found your post a bit hard to follow… have you 5 children with 3 different men, all of whom were abusive/used drugs and you’re now back with the first man who no longer uses drugs but you are considering moving away with the children from all the dads? But you’re not sure if he/they can stop you? Can’t you just go? And see what happens… have you been to court to sort child maintenance, access etc?

StraightTalkingTina · 05/07/2026 20:37

Is baby’s father on the birth certificate OP?

I don’t think this is helpful but, you need therapy. You have really bad boundaries, you are a people
pleaser and as a result you’re not appropriately safeguarding your children.

stop communicating with this man. Make your plans and get legal aid.

Ilovemyshed · 05/07/2026 20:37

TLDR

stargirl27 · 05/07/2026 20:40

TheZingyUser · 05/07/2026 20:27

Even if I moved before informing him a judge can actually make me move back

family solicitor here. yes technically they can BUT in practice if you've moved, established a life there (found work, arranged accommodation etc.) and it's obviously in the child's best interests i do not think you would be forced to move back.

Sometimeswinning · 05/07/2026 20:42

This is awful. Why are your daughters not your main concern? This is all about you. Stop dating men. Stop having babies in every relationship.

Social services didn’t push because their bar is so low. I think you need an awful lot more support and you need to rethink your life.

RoseField1 · 05/07/2026 20:45

TheZingyUser · 05/07/2026 20:30

I have two sons and daughter with the person ive started dating now, one daughter with my ex husband and a daughter with my ex.

What??

TheZingyUser · 05/07/2026 20:48

Yes he is. And yes your right im not good at setting boundaries the older kids dad has suggested going to al-on meetings which he feels would help me and im also having therapy through womans aid regarding the abuse my girls went through

OP posts:
impartialusername · 05/07/2026 20:50

5 kids and 3 abusive/ drug addicted men later and still haven’t learned.. concentrate on your kids who are likely traumatised.