False assault claim made about me

[i8gratedcheddar]

Summary: accidentally hit husband in the face when he told me of infidelity and he’s reported me to the police.

I hope someone has some advice which might help. Last week I found out my husband and been having an affair with someone I’ve suspected for a while but he’s always denied. We were sat in the car in a car park when he also admitted during the marriage he’s had a few one night stands and used sex workers.
I was very angry and I admit I went to hit him across the face. He grabbed my wrists before I was able to and whilst shaking my fists and writhing to get free, I did ‘punch’ him in the mouth. I admit I had originally tried to hit him and only didn’t as he stopped me, but when I did catch him, it was because I’d been trying to get free not because I was still trying to hit him.
His lip bled as in it produced blood, but it wasn’t dripping down his face and it stopped almost immediately when he dabbed it with a tissue. We stayed there and talked/argued for a couple of hours before leaving. His lip didn’t start bleeding again but he said a few times as he looked in the mirror he wondered whether it needed stitches. I told him to stop over egging it and it was fine. He had facial hair so nothing was visible, literally not a trace of any injury whatsoever, and he didn’t show me what he claimed was wrong with it, like “Look at how bad it is.”

Sorry I’m rambling, but want to give all the details.

I asked him to leave when we got home and he went willingly. That evening our DC (unaware of any issue and thought he was still at work) wanted to call him. I made the call to say DC wanted to speak to him and he told me he was at A&E to get his lip checked. I said that was a dramatic reaction as it wasn’t that bad. He said he was pretty sure his lip was split so he wanted someone to check it. He didn’t need any treatment and left. Exchanged messages with me later on saying how sorry he was about the situation.

Turns out he told the A&E nurse I punched him. Said he felt safe at home but was going elsewhere anyway and didn’t need them to do anything further.
He then called the police to log the incident but just told them he wanted it logged but didn’t want it to go any further. They asked if he wanted them to come and talk to me, but he said no.

When he told me what he’d done he said he immediately regretted it, although his thought at the time was that he didn’t want me to have all this stuff on him about what he’d done so he wanted something on me and was scared I’d try and stop him seeing DC

He said he’s sorry he did that and will call the police he spoke with tomorrow and say he made it up, but said they might not be able to do anything now it’s logged. He also said he’s worried that he will get in trouble for wasting police time and potentially get sacked from work.

Firstly, WTF?!

Secondly can someone just call and say you’ve done something but they don’t want it to go any further, but the person accused never find out that’s been said about them? They’ve not contacted me and said they won’t because he didn’t want them to.
What will the police do with this information about me if he doesn’t call them to withdraw what he alleged? Or even if he does update them that he made it up, what will be held on file for me?
Is that going to be on some kind of record for me for any amount of time? Could that effect my job?

Is it likely he would get in trouble for wasting police time? Mostly I don’t care if he does but then losing his job when we’re just about to go through what looks to be a messy divorce wouldn’t be ideal… it’d be awful in fact.

Can I call the police and discuss the case myself with the crime number to check he’s said what he’s said he will? Husband said they probably won’t talk to me as it was him who made the call.

Our GP has been informed by A&E and want a phone call with him next week. He said he will probably cancel it.
He said he told a solicitor he’s contacted for advice, but won’t use that solicitor going forward.
He said he’s taken pictures but not shown anyone. He said A&E and the police didn’t take any pictures nor ask for any to be sent to them.

Thanks for reading if you made it to the end and TIA for any advice.

It’s not a false assualt claim op. You must have been trying very hard to hit him and continuing to do so as he was restraining you. To be able to land a punch. As clearly as soon as he stopped you going in for the first punch and grabbed your arms if you’d stopped then you’d not have punched his face.

The assault happened when you attempted to hit him - an action that causes someone to anticipate being harmed is common assault even if the blow doesn't land. That he had to restrain you to stop you would be him applying lawful force in self defence (assuming it was reasonable, which your description makes it sound) and your pulling out of that restraint so forcefully you physically hurt him would normally be considered battery on your part as you were applying force to escape lawful restraint reckless as to whether it hurt him.

Your husband reported a crime, the police may or may not follow up, but they will keep the report on file with all the details - including that you were named as the suspect. That's how crime reporting works. But a crime report isn't proof of the crime. So what is held about you is that your DH accused you of hitting him. Not that you actually hit him.

If the police didn't do that sort of thing they couldn't look at patterns such as someone being reported for hitting multiple partners or of being a suspect in multiple robberies/rapes/etc. and possibly building a case later on the basis of multiple crimes instead of one for which there isn't quite enough evidence/willing witnesses/etc.

I'm sorry your DH cheated on you though, OP. I hope this incident doesn't get pursued by the police (I think it's unlikely as a one off of only minor damage) and that you can move on and find a life for yourself with someone who actually loves you.

I reported my ex thinking it was just logged next thing i know is hes being arrested. However, i spoke about 12yrs of abuse, financial, emotional, sexual and physical abuse. The police can take the power out of your hands but in this case id say it was unlikely. If he even reported it......

My ex used to goad me to try make me lose my temper, would grab my wrists and make me hit him..... so he could say Ive hit him.... absolute psycho....

I would do nothing OP, the police may just come out for a welfare check.

Im not sure you can believe that he’s done any of what he says re hospital / police. He’s clearly deceitful. If he brings it up I might say that I had seen my GP and photographed my injuries when he assaulted me 12 years ago and in the interests of fairness will be disclosing this to the Police now. Or perhaps completely ignore and deny if no one witnessed the car incident?

You need to treat this seriously given the risk of ongoing consequences for you. He might be making up the hospital and police reports but you need to assume he isn’t.

This might be an anonymous forum but the details are outing. I have been able to identify people from less detail on here. Get this and any other posts deleted. I would also recommend keeping quiet in your social circle. You don’t know where allegiances sit.

No matter how much people on here think cheating is abuse and crime, it isn’t. It isn’t even relevant to a legal proceeding for a divorce or future parenting. In terms of an assault allegation it confirms your motivation and undermines a claim it was an accident. It will be a mitigation if you get to the point where you are found guilty or plead guilty. Which isn’t now.

At the end of the day what you did and what he did won’t change the financial settlement, it won’t even be considered. The impact on future parenting arrangements is probably not significant either. A one off act, adult to adult, in the heat of moment and never repeated. That won’t change a co parenting arrangement.

Right now you need to sit tight and stop talking about this publicly. Be prepared to use a solicitor if asked in for interview. Public mud slinging isn’t going to benefit either of you in the long run. It may just destroy both your reputations.

I don't believe a word he says, why would a&e contact his GP if there was no injury and he told them not to. What will a GP phone call achieve.

It’s always notified to gp if someone attends a and e, at least where I live,

WTAF? I'm not talking about women who are abused by men which is a completely different thing than if a woman hits a man, it's not remotely the same kind of issue. Men can kill us with their BARE HANDS!

This

Don’t be so ridiculous. A woman can do the same, some of rhe domestic abuses women have purported on men has been appalling.

i really detest this attitude of its different, of course a woman can kill with her bare hands, plenty of women are physically bigger than their male partners, plenty of men after years of abuse don’t hit back. I watched a program the other day on a man who was beaten and abused for years by his wife, and when the police got to him he was days from death.

so please grow up.

You seem to have a poor understanding of human anatomy.

What do you mean

Men are stronger than women.

Yes they are. This whole idea that legal equality is somehow the same as physical equality and proclivity to violence is for the weak brained.

The law understands quite well as it looks at the capacity to inflict harm not just whether you have hands. Men are vastly more capable of inflicting harm as we all know.

Anyway OP, a lesson here for you. This man is provocative and you need to keep yourself away from him

I actually had to check the date on this post and the username to see if I’d written it at some point as the EXACT same thing happened to me with the car and the throat slitting threat. That was weird! Hope you’re away from him

OP say absolutely NOTHING of the police question you and at that point get a lawyer. I’ve reported much worse and they really don’t give a shit, especially if it’s just your word against his with no witnesses or evidence. Don’t incriminate yourself and let him prove it. Stop messaging him about it too you’re digging yourself a hole

And I don’t condone violence but he slept with actual prostitutes so I’m finding it hard to feel sorry for him.

Hi all, not really an update, but a little one I guess.
STBXH came over to see DC - I didn’t see he’d left his phone on the side while he was in shed until I heard his phone ding. Was an email notification from police officer he’d been in touch with. I opened his phone so I could better see and it showed a short email exchange with police saying the case was closed and matter dropped “as requested.”
I’ve heard nothing from police myself.

Also looked at his photos to find the pics he’d taken of his ‘bust lip’ - I knew I’d not made much contact with his face when I accidentally hit him, and knew there hadn’t been anything notable/noticeable immediately afterwards, but what a dick he is for going to A&E with what I saw - my lips are in a worst state getting split from being dry in cold weather!

Also I’m not making light of female on male abuse, but I have to agree with some PPs who have said about male strength. I am not some petite little wallflower, but I’m not remotely strong or tough. My STBXH on the other hand is a big guy and when he knocked me about years ago as per one of my PPs, he left me with a black eye and bruised ribs. He was also able to pick me up and throw me across the room like a ragdoll. So whilst I don’t condone what I tried to do or anyone trying to hurt someone, from my own experience a man has done a lot more harm to me than I could ever inflict on him with my bare hands.

Anyway I just thought I’d update. Hope you all have a good Christmas… I’m struggling with mine TBH but I’m doing my best. Have a great day tomorrow.

Least it sounds like the police won’t be in touch which must be a relief. I know you probably won’t enjoy Xmas but hopefully a new year will be a new start and move in a positive direction.

Surely OP can claim self defense as he assaulted her FIRST by grabbing her wrists? She hadn't even touched him at that point

She lunged at him, he restrained her. I would stop looking through his phone, no good will come of antagonising each other.

You assaulted him.

he’s logged for with the police but doesn’t want to press charges

nothing will happen

that’s it

No. Under English law, from the description OP gave, she assaulted her H first and then caused him injury attempting to escape from his lawful use of force to defend himself.

You do not have to come into contact with someone to assault them. Raising your hand to hit someone in a way that means they anticipate being hit is common assault all by itself.

Grabbing the wrist of someone who is about to hit you to prevent them from doing so is self defence and a lawful use of force, so not criminal assault. You do not have to wait until after you've actually been hit to defend yourself.

OP using force to escape from her H's use of lawful force recklessly enough to have caused him injury is assault causing actual bodily harm (possibly - though OP's update on how minor the split lip is may mean it's just common assault).

Deny it to police if they pursue (unlikely). He can drop the statements

On the contrary there are well established defences of provocation, slow burn etc

Provocation is not a defence. It may only be taken into account as a mitigating factor when considering a sentence.